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i must be nicer to my DH

(9 Posts)
GirlWithTheMouseyHair Fri 22-Aug-08 12:24:29

it's only a small thing but we were at friends' last night and my DH is a bit of a geek (he works for Sony etc) and we were all taking the piss, which he always accepts very graciously, and I realised later that not just that but quite often if I'm embarassed by a rubbish joke he makes or whatever in front of people, I don't stick up for him or will put him down to make myself look better. I don't think he feels that I do this but am catching myself doing it more, maybe in some ridiculous attempt to look cool in front of other people.

I'm not talking about going so far as to fake laugh at rubbish jokes he makes, but just generally being a bit kinder to him in front of others...does anyone else get this or do you think I'm being a bit paranoid and lap-doggish??

sjmilly Fri 22-Aug-08 12:27:34

Oooo, yes I do this a lot. But to be fair dh does it back with a vengeance. Actually he usually starts it. Maybe I should rebel next time by saying something nice about him as a comeback...

Dropdeadfred Fri 22-Aug-08 12:27:59

Do you love him? and respect him? light earted ribbing is one thing, putting him down to bolster your 'social standing' is mean and nasty...
How would you feel if he did this to you?

Tortington Fri 22-Aug-08 12:29:00

i would hate to immasculate my husband in front of other people

i think this is a great choice you have come to

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Fri 22-Aug-08 12:32:47

i love him more than anyone in the world, and respect him utterly - despite the geekiness attached to it, he's one of the few people I know who loves his job and is so good at it. I don't think I've got to the point of being nasty and don't think it's something anyone else would notice...yet. I just worry that maybe I've only been like this more recently (we've been together 4 years, is the first flush of excitement and love and lust wearing thin??) and want to nip it in the bud - gentle ribbing I agree is fine, we do it to each other. Just maybe sometimes I could put aside my own insecurities of how I look to other people to stick by my man instead. The incidents are never nasty or bitchy, maybe I am just being paranoid...

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Fri 22-Aug-08 12:34:30

oh god I don't think I'm at the pount of immasculating him, and I do stick up for him so much in various other situations - not because I feel I have to but because I really believe in him and his principles. Maybe I just need to pay him more attention...

Dropdeadfred Fri 22-Aug-08 12:34:52

Sounds like you have made a good choice...recognising that a pattern can be hard to break once established.

chapstickchick Fri 22-Aug-08 12:39:42

here we go this is me being very honest......

i can be quite funny in a rude skittish way its not me saying this people often comment even our local priest will say coffee after church is very light hearted if im there......im not saying im super funny just in the right company the mood is light.

my dh isnt as funny as he thinks and i know it would hurt him if he knew so generally if hes telling a joke or whatever i work alongside him and enhance his joke my friends know that if im truly giddy i do a small snort as i laugh and thats when they know its real and people will laugh at my snort s much as the joke....so occsionally i deliberately snort- this has gradually increased over the years so much so that it has been commented that dh is 'lost' without me and even his joke telling suffers.....

i think far better to bolster dhs confidence than make myself feel popular at his expense .

GirlWithTheMouseyHair Fri 22-Aug-08 12:50:23

i agree with you chapstickchick, though his reactions to when he says something embarassing (not overlly, just when people don't get what you've said) has never indicated I'm making him feel bad, I just worry that it might eventually lead there. I don't think it's about making myself feel popular, just me reverting to the reactions I would have as an underconfident teenager where I just wouldn't stick up for the person tumbleweeds have blown past...I don't think it's an issue yet and maybe I'm making too much of an issue out of it myself. Just want to make sure I'm aware that maybe this is something I've been doing and to stop it, because he's bloody brilliant and frankly I'd be lost without him

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