Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

The End?

6 replies

cherylrcfs · 20/08/2008 19:50

Hey! Hoping someone can tell me that everything os fine and that me & my fiance are normal!! Just had our baby 6 months ago, we lived together then 4 hours away from any other family, and for the first 3 months he did nothing, he got a laptop and sat on it day and night, while i did everything with the wee one, eventually i found out he has been talking to other girls online and also texting them, i blew a fuse and packed my bags that day and came to live with my parents with the baby, since then we have got back together and he has promised he is changed man, but the problem now is he is in the forces and now lives on the base and im still at my parents, he is due to go overseas for 3 months just shortly, but to be honest i dont see us lasting much longer, i understand he has to stay where he is for work but he hardly ever comes down to see me or the wee one, i dont even think our son knows who he is and it breaks my heart! I never pictured things to end up like this, during my pregnancy we were great , why has he changed all of a sudden he says hes still attracted to me and there is no problems in the bedroom area so why has he ruined everything? Im at the point now where i think its best for us just to end our relationship coz i really dont see it going anywhere - hes not even in a rush to have back living together as a family - so whats the point?? Sorry this is such a rant!! Any comments would be great! x

OP posts:

Report

chocaholic73 · 20/08/2008 19:56

Sorry things are like this for you. Have you talked to him about why things are like they are and why he doesnt come down and see both of you. It sounds as if he felt pushed out by the birth of your son, some men aren't prepared for being put second by their partner and find it difficult. What did he say if you asked him to help. It's not just down to whether he still finds you attractive, a long term relationship is far more than that. Try writing to him if you can't say what you want to say to him. If he's about to go abroad you want to try to sort this now before he goes rather than let is fester while he's away.

Report

petitmaman · 20/08/2008 19:58

what do you want to happen? have you tried talking to him about it? sounds like he needs to make a bit more of an effort tbh. do you love him? can you trust him (or learn to again?)sorry, prob not v helpful. think you need to sort out what you wnat to happen in an ideal world and then talk to him about it

Report

cherylrcfs · 20/08/2008 20:00

yeh we've spoke, we seem to resolve things then he just goes back to his old ways again! He will help with the baby but only when asked, and even its only every now and again i honestly cant remember the last time he changed our sons nappy! But i think a serious talk is in order - thats if he ever comes to see us!!

OP posts:

Report

cherylrcfs · 20/08/2008 20:01

OP posts:

Report

stirlingmum · 20/08/2008 20:02

Having a baby can really alter relationships.

You see it on here alot. Some men seem to withdraw and get involved with other things (computers etc). Maybe they dont see how they fit into things anymore.

I think a direct conversation is needed before things drift too far. Let him know you feel let down and ask him to do more with your dc.

You need to spell things out to men - make him see exactly how you feel.

Report

cherylrcfs · 20/08/2008 20:07

that sounds like a plan - men!! No wonder we get stressed LOL! I dont want things to get any worse and really feels they have to get resolved asap before it eats away and leaves us both bitter and twisted!! thanks for all your comments x