I always knew he was in touch with his female side, but his behaviour lately has made me want to leave. I didn't sign up for this, and I don't want it.
I moved in with him about a year ago after two years together. No sooner had I moved in with him than he stopped coming to bed at the same time as me, and started sleeping on the sofa. He said he just likes his own space, he only sleeps about three hours a night and this way he can drink coffee and smoke all night without disturbing me. So he said, anyway.
One evening he put a pair of my knickers on for a laugh. Thing was, he said he liked it and started wearing them around the house. I found it slightly disconcerting but put it down as a passing phase (he is openly bisexual and talks about sexual experimentation a lot, though in reality doesn't do anything except go to work and plays on his Wii and watches Most Haunted when he gets home).
He started to Veet all of his body and bought an epilator. Again, I went along with it thinking he was just being a bit vain.
I discovered parcels arriving from various online lingerie companies, but they were never gifts for me, and I never saw what they contained, and didn't really dare ask.
Then one day I got in early from work and found him sat at the computer in full basque, stockings and high heeled boots. He looked shocked but came out with "now you know what I do when you're not here. You look like you don't really dig it."
No shit, Sherlock.
Latest thing, I have discovered ladyboy porn in the house and make up which doesn't belong to me.
Our sex life has been non-existent since he started sleeping downstairs, but he swears he still loves me and doesn't want anybody else (of either sex).
I want to leave, but I know he would be devastated - he's not very sociable and I'm his only lifeline with the outside world apart from work. However, I'm not comfortable with it, I don't want to go out with a woman, I'm not gay. But I feel guilty for not being... open-minded enough. He says I should just accept him however he is, and I am being a prude.
Not sure what to suggest but I couldn't cope with it either. Sorry, but it would be over as far as I was concerned, particularly as he doesn't seem willing to discuss the situation and thinks that you've just got to accept it and that's that.
I'm not surprised you're angry tbh, he should have been open and honest with you from the start.
Judt because you don't dig it, doesn't mean you are a prude or that what he is doing is wrong, it just doesn't float your boat so don't feel guilty.
And as for what to do, you need to put your needs and wants ahead of how leaving may impact on him. That is his problem for him to sort out and deal with. Don't stay with him bcause you feel guilty or like you are all he has. It's your life too and you both need to be with partners who are compatible.
It sounds weird to see it written down, like you couldn't make it up.
He is actually a gentle, spiritual, sensitive guy which is what attracted me to him in the first place. I'd never met a guy who was a reiki channel and a qualified masseuse. He'd done so much interesting stuff, and taught me loads about meditation, made me open my eyes to lots of things.
Is it possible that he could be having some kind of mental breakdown due to the excessive weed-smoking and coffee drinking? Or could it be mid-life crisis? Or is this tendency to cross-dress just going to be there always?
Not a troll, seriously. I knew you'd say that, it's too ridiculous for words, I know. Have just had a long time to think about what he's been doing. I didn't say anything because I suppose I was in denial about what he was doing - if I was faced with the truth of what was really going on then I'd have to do something about it, and to be honest, I was undecided what to do if it really was happening.
I've seen a sexual health counsellor about this - not recently, but when he first started sleeping downstairs. He'd only come up when he wanted sex (which was never of the particularly normal kind), and I really just couldn't get in the mood. He didn't refuse to come to the counsellor with me, but let me know in no uncertain terms that he didn't agree with them and that they spoke a load of baloney.
Nappyaddict, I'm not sure if the cross-dressing went on before, but he has mentioned when I've tried to end things in the past that his previous three girlfriends have all left because of the sleeping on the sofa.
And I don't mean the cross dressing is caused by the coffee drinking , but is it not a vicious circle that he smokes weed which would make him drowsy, drinks coffee to keep him awake and so his sleeping is fucked because of it - sleep deprivation = slightly mental?