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Please help me

(5 Posts)
maimai Wed 20-Aug-08 12:54:30

Hello, I have never posted anything before, but I feel like I am going mad and need someone to help me. I have been married to the most wonderful man for 5 years and we have been together for 9 years. We started out pretty normally but it soon became apparent that he just wasn't into sex that much. I went ahead and married him hoping this would change, but it hasn't. He is the most loving, caring man and we have a wonderful life together but the lack of passion and intimacy is killing me. I have tried talking to him so many times, and I have even had an affair which I ended as I felt guilty (he didn't find out), that was 3 yrs ago. A couple of weeks ago I started something with someone else and I can't stop thinking that the feelings I had with him are what is right and natural. I told my husband two nights ago that I am leaving (I can't cope with the deception of an affair) but he is begging me to stay and saying we can change things. The problem is, I don't feel attracted to him in that way anymore, can this return? I have looked upon him as my best friend for so many years. I'm only 32 and I can count the amount of times we've slept together on both hands, we don't have children. As I say though he is THE most wonderful man and I am scared that I will regret my decision. Please help me.

forevercleaning Wed 20-Aug-08 12:57:53

can you not go for some counselling together now that things are 'in the open' so to speak.

Then you can explain why you have been unhappy and give him an opportunity to say how he feels.

It would be a shame to give up on what sounds like a decent man without trying to save your marriage first.

Hope things work out for you whichever wy they end up

maimai Wed 20-Aug-08 13:17:52

Thank you. I just hope I haven't left it too late to regain my feelings. Also the other man is a contributing factor, it is hard to take him out of the equation. I appreciate you taking the time to reply.

HappyWoman Wed 20-Aug-08 15:57:00

You really need to tell your h about the om - even if nothing has happened. It is just not fair for him not to be in full possesion of the facts iyswim.

He may be able to handle the fact that you have looked elsewhere for what you feel is missing in your relationship.

Please respect your dh by giving him the choice.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 20-Aug-08 18:41:40

You need to tell your DH if you have any hope of staying with him - but sex less than 10 times in 9 years is very unusual and IMO will take a lot of working on if you are ever to crack it (if)

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