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Don't understand my husband!!

(10 Posts)
mrsnew Wed 20-Aug-08 11:29:50

This may turn out to be a long and rambling post so apologies. Am a fairly new on mn, but have changed name as my dh has told me he doesnt want me talking about this on here, but I could really do with some advice...
2 nights ago my dh dropped into conversation that he wants a penis enlargement. We have been together 10 years and this has never never been mentioned before, nor has he ever expressed any concerns regarding size before. I think he has a perfectly sized cock and have tried to reassure him of this. Tbh, i actually thought he was joking and started talking about something else.
Then last night I asked him about it, waiting for him to confirm it was just a joke, but he says he's really serious. Apparently he's been unhappy about his size since he was 14 (he's 38 now), and feels that now is the time to do something about it!!He even showed me the internet site where he intends to buy this bizarre and painful looking device that he thinks will extend length and girth by 1". I'm totally shocked!
I've tried reassurance, but can't get through to him. eventually i told him i do not want him to do this and he got really upset! We both kept saying 'i don't want this to turn into an argument' but inevitable it did, and we went to bed not speaking.
I really dont understand this. My first thought is why, as I'm the only person who sees his cock and am more than happy with it, but he says this is for him, and nto for him to start cheating on me. Do believe him on that, but I just can't see his view point on this.
I dont want to fall out with him, but dont want him to go through something painful and expensive when there's no need to.
All comments, suggestions and advice welcome please. Am I just being a horrible wife and should say go for it??

HappyWoman Wed 20-Aug-08 11:35:50

Sounds as if he feels it is not good enough - for whatever reason and tbh i would be susspicious, its a bit like men who suddenly take more care in their appearance.

I think i would try and fight fire with fire and try and get him to open up more by saying that actually there are few things you would like to change about you and maybe you could both spend a similar amount of money on doing something about it. If argues that you are fine just the way you are then you can turn that back onto him.

Surely the only time it matters is during sex and surely if you are the only who 'judges' his performance you are the best to advise him. I would imagine that it will not enhance his pleasure - in fact almost the opposite.

NigellaTheOriginal Wed 20-Aug-08 11:41:29

grin sorry.
if he wants the bizarre and painful device leave him to it. doubt it would work but could be amusing watching him try it.

mrsnew Wed 20-Aug-08 11:59:34

Happy, tried that one last night, he says he loves me the way i am, and this is apparently fine for him to say to me, but not enough for him that i love him how he is.
Maybe i should just let him get on with it. Just reread the discription of the thing he wants and it says he has to wear it 4-9 hours a day, for 4-6 months!! He works long hours and i dont know where he'd find the time to use it! Plus making me gigggle a little when i think of him walking round with this strange looking contraption hanging off his bits!!
Just wonder whats happened to make this such a huge issue all of a sudden.

3amigos Wed 20-Aug-08 12:00:46

Hi mrsnew i dont think youre being a horrible wife at all. Fair enough you cant get your head around it. So you really had no idea at all that he had worries about his size? Is he insecure in any other way? One way to look at it-lots of women who have boob jobs say theyre doing it for themselves so is it much the same thing? What im not so sure about is if its been such a great worry to him why have you never known about it? Just had a thought-thing is its not like it will be on show like a pair of boobs! Is he trying to improve your sex life?

mrsnew Wed 20-Aug-08 13:12:01

hey 3amigos. Think that one of the reasons i dont understand this. We have had problems in our sex life because of my lack of sex drive after having the kids. This has been improving recently though and in a conversation at the weekend agreed that our relationship has never been as good as it is now.
Did bring up the point that noone will know about it. It's not like the blokes at the gym will be all crowding round saying ' what a lovely new cock!' well at least i hope not!!hmm
Gave him a call at work and we're speaking again, but dreading having to go over all this again tonight.

3amigos Wed 20-Aug-08 14:02:02

You say you agreed your relationship is better now than its ever been-do you think thats something to do with it? Now its good again he wants to keep it that way? Is he insecure where youre concerned? Maybe theres a little doubt in his mind that your lack of sex drive was really to do with him,and not the kids?

mrsnew Wed 20-Aug-08 14:31:13

You've maybe hit on something there 3amigos. Had thought I'd always made it clear the problem was with me and not him, but maybe not clear enough.
Will have to try talk again without it turning into argument.
Thanks for listening.smile

saultanpepper Wed 20-Aug-08 17:51:24

HappyWoman - if one of the MN sisterhood had posted on here saying 'I'm thinking about having some cosmetic surgery on my vagina because I've had two kids and whereas it used to be neat and tidy, I think it now looks unpleasantly like a ripped out fireplace and I'm very self conscious about it, what do you think?' would you expect her husband to be suspicious that she was seeing someone else? I may be speaking out of turn here but I rather suspect not. She would, however, have been encouraged, supported, counselled (for and against surgery, for certain) but I would be very surprised if she would have been judged. Had there been comments like 'my dh is fine with it and doesn't see a problem' I would indeed fully expect the MN posse to rally round and say that it's not his opinion that counts as it's not his body.

Sauce for the goose...?

OP - he sounds like he's got some serious esteem issues, he may even have been bullied at school or as a teenager. My advice: don't be judgmental, be supportive, try and find out why this has suddenly surfaced; and good luck.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Wed 20-Aug-08 18:39:07

Remind him that no penis enlargement technique can make his erect penis larger - it will only appear larger when it's flaccid, so really, what is the point?

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