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Feel so STUPID

(23 Posts)
Upsadaisy Tue 19-Aug-08 00:13:21

I've been such a fool...have been completely in denial about a guy seeing. How is it possible you can become so blind to the absolute obvious. Just wanted to get this off my chest....he's made a right fool out of me with my help

Mamazon Tue 19-Aug-08 00:14:22

whats happened?

im assuming he has a wife or something?

Doodle2U Tue 19-Aug-08 00:15:27

sad oh dear. Wanna tell us the gory details?

VinegarTits Tue 19-Aug-08 00:19:29

It happens to the best of us, i have lost count of the amount of times i have been a fool where a man is concerned, we can swap gory deails if it makes you feel any better?

VinegarTits Tue 19-Aug-08 00:20:14

Details that is

Upsadaisy Tue 19-Aug-08 00:23:39

he's been blumin awful coming out with some nasty remarks to be honest.....had confirmed he's been sleeping around. I'm mortified....more so because I was so stupid I thought he was being awful because I've never let him meet the kids so after spending sunday together whilst kids at their dads I invited him round tommorrow...didn't hear from him so I texted about teatime and said could he let me know either way (cringe that I chased him) poured my heart out to a shared friend who confirmed he'd been sleeping around

Mamazon Tue 19-Aug-08 00:26:15

don't feel stupid.
he deliberatly decieved you.

Be gratefull that your instincts not to allow him to meet your children were good and that you have found out now before things went further.

Upsadaisy Tue 19-Aug-08 00:26:52

I slept with him sunday in his bed were god knows who else has been there...

solidgoldbrass Tue 19-Aug-08 00:26:56

Oh dear, poor you. It's always rotten when you realise you've been mistaken about someone. But I have to say, had you actually discussed with him the fact that you wanted a sexually exclusive relationship? Because people do have different ideas about when/if they are going to become monogamous with a partner.

Doodle2U Tue 19-Aug-08 00:28:10

Texting him to confirm isn't chasing him, Upsadaisy - it's pretty standard!

Thank Gawd you had the wit not to intro. him to the kids before you were sure yourself - good on ya.

Do you think you might need to get yourself checked out, if he's been sleeping around?

VinegarTits Tue 19-Aug-08 00:28:56

At least you found out what a prick he is now, before you let him meet your dc. I would say you have had a lucky escape, what a tosser!

Upsadaisy Tue 19-Aug-08 00:29:14

yep...exclusive...he was the one that brought it up months ago. Said he didn't like the idea of me dating other people....didn't realise the exclusive thing worked one way in his mind.

Upsadaisy Tue 19-Aug-08 00:34:54

gawd gonna have to get checked out aren't I....can't believe it

he replyed back to my text tonight saying sorry hadn't got back to me could he let me know about coming round tommorrow as he's snowed with work.

I haven't replyed he doesn't know I know.

Sensible side of me says to cut all contact...the unsensible side of me whats to confront the git

solidgoldbrass Tue 19-Aug-08 01:20:07

COnfronting never does any good though. Better to just act as though he isn't important enough to get upset about. Not only does that stop him from getting any jollies about how wonderfully desirable he must be (because all these women are fighting for him), but acting that way helps you to start feeling that way

olympicsnotfederer Tue 19-Aug-08 19:28:52

be really really cool and act like his behaviour is just a minor inconvenience to you

text him it is over, don't give him the opportunity to try to lie or, like sgb says, get some kinda kick outta being such a player


ToughDaddy Tue 19-Aug-08 19:56:32

SGB- very good advice (again)

Upsadaisy Wed 20-Aug-08 16:29:03

Thanks for your advice guys I didn't reply back to him and he texted again asking if I was free sunday....I haven't rplyed back there was excuse in the text about why he hadn't been able to make it round when I asked.........I'm too angry to speak to him or text him its over....I don't ever want to speak or see him again or have anymore to do with him. Just gutted is the only word....feel an absolute fool.

olympicsnotfederer Wed 20-Aug-08 17:45:33

you are best to answer him in some way...unless you want it to fizzle out with nothing explained

but do it when you feel like it, in your own time

G2B Wed 20-Aug-08 18:09:26

I'd leave it about a week and then just txt him and tell him why, very unemotionally, and leave it at that. When he txts back, just ignore it, and if he pesters, send one txt asking him to leave you alone. But that's just me.

Don't feel foolish, these things happen. Some people are just nasty and don't deserve somebody as lovely and thoughtful as you.

You're better off without.

olympicsnotfederer Wed 20-Aug-08 18:14:22

perfect g2b

Upsadaisy Wed 20-Aug-08 20:32:06

answer?? what do I say have no idea. I want to.....but I don't want the excuses or lies or putting it on me.

A month or so ago I was getting the distinct impression he'd cooled right off so I spoke to him about it and he did the girls are emotional and thought you were different blah blah which threw me completely.....I don't want that again I don't want to give him any opportunity to put me down. I was just finishing my dissertation at the time and was pretty emotional so thought it was probably me over reacting.

I'm just gutted I want to say lots and lots to him...I want shout and the rest...but I don't think it will acheive anything apart from give him an opportunity to put me down but I want to say something at least.....

but what do i say??

notanotherbloomingnamechanger Wed 20-Aug-08 20:42:10

Why not just say it's not going as you'd hoped and you don't want to carry on? You don't have to elaborate. Leave him wondering why. You don't have to explain yourself to him at all.

olympicsnotfederer Wed 20-Aug-08 22:26:20

say the least the better ups

leave him wondering...

give him a taste of his own medicine

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