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depressed at my relationship(3 Posts)
sorry not sure to post this in relationships or depressed. cut a long story short my dh and i have ben together since we were 14, we had a ds at 17 and a dd at 21, we are now 26/27 we got married 2 yrs ago and i feel it has all gone wrong from there on. I do not have any family or friends to turn to as i lost all my friends when expecting our ds so young, however i do have dh's wifes/girlfriends to talk to but they would only let dh know what i said. i have been a stay at home mum for 9yrs and have recently started to look for work as our youngest starts school. totally my choice to look after kids but i have had no support whatsoever from dh, i do all the cooking, cleaning, looking after kids, washing clothes sorting out dh work clothes, absolutely everything but what i don't agree with is the fact he does not offer to help with anything when he is home from work, like bathing kids or homework or taking them out. tonight it came to a head when he mentioned that he would get a long lie tommorow as he never knew what it felt like. of course this is pants he has always been able to lie in whenever he wanted, he was just having a dig because the kids are off school on holiday and i don't need to get up as early, i just exploded and told him it would be nice if he could even offer to wash the tea dishes especially when i cook every night, he then hit me with, that i'm lazy, i don't do much and other women do much more than me.
i have been in tears all night and cannot sleep, i thought i was a decent enough mum looking after our kids, but obviously not in his eyes, the tears are stinging my face and i don't know where to turn, i have had a spinal condition for the last 10yrs that i never moan about, i've been in hospital with it and i'm waiting on an operation to straighten my spine, my discs are also degenerating at the base of my spine which causes a lot of pain, tonight i want to leave i feel as if i have given my all and its simply not good enough, i hate all the arguing round the kids
I don't have any good advice for you but I wanted you to know someone is "hearing" you.
I'm sure he loves you. Just don't start taking shit from him. If you feel he's been unfair, it's up to you to say so. It's okay to do it tomorrow. Just don't let it become a pattern of him being mean and you crying.
Try raising an eyebrow at him, just once. Tell him, YOU do what I do, 24 hours a day. Do it just for two days. Then tell me how effing lazy I am.
It might turn into a never ending row about who does more but you could write up a list of all the jobs you do and force him to sit down and go through it with you? If you always do everything then men seem to never notice that it needed doing in the first place.
Yes he should help with the bloody washing up after to show his appreciation that you have cooked and yes he should help the kids with their homework and take them out (for the sake of their relationship not just to give you a break).
By getting upset that he has called you lazy you might be playing right into his hands, i.e. you are now doubting yourself and are thinking that you should be working harder and are questioning your belief that he should pull his weight a bit more.
Also... you sound like you need to get out and have a break. Ok you lost your friends when you got pg at 17 - but have you tried making new friends that are in a similar situation to you now? other SAHM mums? What happened to your family?
It might help to get out one evening a week even if it's on your own - so that you can relax and he could feel what it's like to run the house (get the dinner, put the kids to bed etc). You could go swimming or start an evening class in s'thing?
Sorry if this is patronising. You sound so sad and i didn't want your post to go unanswered.
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