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(3 Posts)
dippyrascal Sat 16-Aug-08 22:49:20

Hello - I've not posted before but need to get some stuff of my chest cos feel like I'm going mad at the moment. I have recently realised that I'm in a relationship with what seems to be a passive aggressive man. It was a "penny-dropped" moment when I read the traits and I could see a pattern to the last 8 years of my life. Recently things have gone from bad to worse. I think I've started to stand-up for myself a lot more and this has meant more arguments, more accusations of me being selfish, controlling etc. We finally got to counselling last week - I'd been to one session on my own which he'd said he'd come to but his reason for not coming was because we'd argued in the week before (?!). Since the session he was hostile and withdrawn for about 4 days, I tried to ask him how he felt, offered up how I felt and got a lot of pedantic nonsense in reply basically - "why are you asking me that?"- "you know what the answer is to that" - "Do you really think this is the right time to talk about it?" - "Why don't you ask me properly?" etc. When he eventually talked about it he told me I'd made him look weak and insecure and that I was so wrong and that I had to turn everything into being about me and the past and he was tired of it. I let it ride. This morning he came and gave me a hug and I could tell the anger had subsided in him. For the sake of family life I kept positive and normal and upbeat but tonight at the kids bedtime they were both overtired and kicking against it - lots of crying and calling for mummy. I was told I had to leave them, he'd deal with it. Lots of swearing - by him - later and my intervening (which caused him to swear!) they were both asleep. He told me he thought they were spoilt - I pointed out that I generally put the kids to bed myself and it would help if he got involved in the routine. He said "we" needed to change to accommodate the kids more. I said don't you mean "you" - more anger and accusations at me of turning it all into being about me again. More has happened since tonight along the same lines plus him trying to get out of the next counselling session by telling me we have no-one to look after the kids. I've told him I know people who will but he's adamant he wants no-one to know about the sessions and doesn't want my friends sitting for us. I said why don't you arrange something then but of course he won't. Is this a PA man or am I really as crazy and mixed up as I sometimes think I am and just trying to label him to make up for my shortcomings? Thanks for listening - I honestly do feel like I don't know which way to turn and would like to know if anyone else has experience of dealing with this type of behaviour.

loopylou6 Sun 17-Aug-08 14:38:36

i think a good long chat about compromise is in order, see if you can get a sitter and go out for the evening and chat over a meal or something

dippyrascal Mon 18-Aug-08 10:29:11

Hi loopylou - thanks for the response but I'm afraid we're incapable of a 'good long chat'. Bad short chats we're very good at! Please see my other thread (sorry, ended up with 2 the same when tried to update the title) for more details here

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