Is he one of those men child things that you all talk about?

[TwistedSis]

I have been seeing a man for around 8 months. He doesn't tend to lift a finger whilst in my house but then as he doesn't live here I didn't really expect him too at first.

Thing is though he's been spending more and more time here and I'm starting to think that he should be doing more to help.

When we buy lager in on a weekend, he leaves all his bottles lined up at the foot of the sofa and I have to clean them all up in the morning. Same with take-away papers and boxes, sweet wrappers just left lying on the sofa. He leaves his dirty clothes (boxers and socks as well as t-shirts and jeans) scattered all over my bedroom floor.

Last night he came here straight from work and said he was getting a shower, when I went in after him he'd left his shoes on the bathroom floor and a big pile of clothes on the toilet! I was tired so I just put them on the floor and he then moaned that it "wouldn't have hurt me" to take them upstairs for him

Its getting worse as time goes on. Last weekend I was feeling ill and so after cooking tea etc he said "leave the pots, I'll see to the kitchen". Aside from having to pick my jaw up from the floor I was really pleased, 5 minutes later he came and sat back down in the living room I said "you done??" and he said "yeah! only think I havn't done is wash the pans". I said "ok, thanks". An hour or so later I went into the kitchen for a drink and he'd done sod all! there were pots all in the sink, food left spilt on the sides...all he HAD done is put the pots in the sink rather than leave them on the side.

Am I being unreasonable since he doesn't actually live here or is he one of these men that think women should do it all?

[lazaroulovespastries]

I think he is one of those men that you should dump right now!

[moondog]

Ooh, get rid. He's one of them alright!

[moondog]

Ooh, get rid. He's one of them alright!

[moondog]

Ooh, get rid. He's one of them alright!

[turquoise]

Man-child? Idle fucker is the phrase I'd use.

Has he always treated you and your home like this?

I'd put my foot down fast if I were you. (actually I'd put my boot up his arse and send him into orbit, but that's not helpful).

[PrettyCandles]

Yeah.

I was 'seeing' dh-to-be for 2y before he moved in with me, and in that time he participated in the general household tasks. Not that he did housework, but he wouldn't dream of leaving his stuff slobbed around the place, or not doing the dishes, etc, just because the flat wasn't his.

I think it's all down to the personality, rather than the location.

[hughjarssss]

Deep down you know the answer to your question don't you?

The real question is, are you going to put up with it?

[lazaroulovespastries]

This is one of those situations that in years to come you will wake up in a cold sweat because you dreamt you had married this guy.

[moondog]

On the contrary Turq.I think it is all very helpful.

[Rhonds]

I dunno, my DH was very spoiled growing up but has learned that he needs to help around the house.
I used to get completely pissed off by him but I was moaning to my brother one night and he asked me if I'd ever told my DH what needed doing and why he needed to do it? Since employing that, really obvious but never used, tactic he does his fair share tbh.
Have you actually explained how you need him to pull his weight or how this behaviour now makes you feel?

[MrsSnape]

My ex (notice, ex) was like this. Turns out he was the same at home too, still lived with his parents and his mum did everything for him (and his dad) whilst they sat on their arses playing computer games etc. His mum even used to pack for him if he went away anywhere and when going back home he'd shove all the clohes back into the suitcase (even the ones that hadn't been worn) in a huge mess and give it to her to sort out when he got home.

I'm single now but if ever I got with anyone else, this kind of behaviour would be an instant deal breaker for me.