So dp has been grumpy on and off all day ,this morning he kicked off for no reason and told me I was ugly and he hated me. He apoligised and said he was tired , I though all was ok this afternoon and he was leaning half in half out of the kitchen door (which leads to porch) I pretended to push him in and he said stop it then dd after seeing me doing it ran at the door and pushed it again I went to stop her and he thought it was me so he shoved the door (which is like an exterior door) straight at me it would have hit my face if I didn't catch it. I shouted and he said sorry but then went upstairs shouting I told him to stop kicking off in front of dc but he shouted more and walked out. He is aggresive like this at least three times a week although sometimes ,I can't just leave I have 4 dc and nothing that is mine no bank account ,no family ,no friends.
Sorry have no experience of this. I understand that you can't 'just' leave, but could you lay some plans to leave? Could you, for example:
Get some help from the helpline suggested open a bank account (or get some bills put into your name on some pretext if you haven't any in order to set one up in a few months) try and establish a little network of local mums you know through mother and baby groups or PTA or something? make enquiries into benefits you may be eligible for
Maybe then if you have to jump it will be and seem easier.
Really feel for you. No one should have to live with fear and unpredictability.
i have been in an abusive relationship. it really really annoys me when women cry dv and it isnt. the guy thought you were shoving the door into him. if someone did that to me i would do it back aswell. he didnt know where your face was, he thought you were being violent towards him. if you want to leave then thats up to you, but dont tell everyone he has been violent over this because i dont think he has. accusing him of dv can mean he loses all his friends, job, social standing. its a horrible lie to tell not just for him but for all those of us who have gone through it for real. think about what you are doing. if he has been violent i apologise but this was a misunderstanding, not domestic abuse
I assume if she is scared, there is more to it. I think she was just giving us an example of an overreaction. I wouldn't be scared - bloody pissed off though - if DH did this to me because he's not agressive or unpleasant at all. It would have just been a mistake. If this happens and it scares you it's because you expect or think it might turn nastier, no?
Also, if I retaliated to haveing a door pushed at me I'd do it in a playful manner. It doesn't seem like her DP did it in this way, from the attitude of the OP.
It's ok that he scares me and is aggresive towards me but because he is not kicking the shit out of me (which has happened on rare occasions you know hair pulling getting dragged off the bed ,spat at ,curled up in a ball while slaps and punches reign down on you ,then finding more and more bits which hurt when the adreniline <SP>is gone ,shaky legs from been scared and wondering if he will let you pass him without him lashing out ) sorry I am not in your league MNS.
I wanted some advice I didn't expect to be told off for crying wolf I am sorry
milk - yes so have i. i suffered for years with being pushed over, slammed against walls and various other "minor" acts of aggression.
i never left or reported it because the world is full of people like you.
I was convinced it couldn't possibly be DV because i wasn't put in hospital and i didnt have a black eye.
yes he may have been excused for shoving the door back on this occasion. is he also excused calling her fat and ugly? is he to be excused treating her in whatever way it is that has left her frightened?
maybe OP hasn't explained herself very well. im not sure if English is a second language here or she is just being overly carefull what she says but her posts certainly do not flow. How about reading between the lines.
I am amazed that someone who claims to have been at the recieving end of an abusive relationship could be so dismissive of someone seeking advice.