fil's step mother died recently. she was in her 90s. I have met her about 3 times - she came to our wedding 13 years ago. subsequently she became semi-reclusive, didn't particularly want visitors. she was very old for a long time, if that makes sense. latterly she was in a home. she has no children of her own - she has a brother and a couple of neices. fil is an only child. dh is going, fil, fil's wife and perhaps abput 6 or 7 other friends or relatives. dh's sisters aren't going (which personally I find a bit odd). my main reason to go would be as a note of support to fil. dh doesn't think anyone would "expect" me to. but it's not about expectations. It will mean I'll have to work at the weekend - which for myself I don't care about at all, but affects the whole family - and we're a bit tense on work-life-family balance at the moment - such that I think dh would actually prefer me to work rather than go to the funeral, but what about fil?
I wouldn't go, probably. You've only met her three times, it's going to be a very small funeral, and going will mess up your work-life-family balance. If your DH or FIL really wanted you there it might be different, but it doesn't sound as though they do.
she was always dh's step grandmother, if that makes sense - not a late-comer to the family - she was fil's step mum since fil was about 6 (though he lived with his own mum and step-father). of fil's 4 parents/ step-parents she's the last to go, which I think must be hard, esp as an only child.
Go,truly I would go. When dh step Granma died, there were 7 of us at the funeral, (she became his step gran when he was 30) it was the sadest funeral I have ever been too. Espec as dh, I and dh sib had only met her three times each. How sad to have a funeral, and the people that go, don't actually know you.