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should I go to this funeral?

(7 Posts)
hatwoman Thu 14-Aug-08 22:15:09

fil's step mother died recently. she was in her 90s. I have met her about 3 times - she came to our wedding 13 years ago. subsequently she became semi-reclusive, didn't particularly want visitors. she was very old for a long time, if that makes sense. latterly she was in a home. she has no children of her own - she has a brother and a couple of neices. fil is an only child. dh is going, fil, fil's wife and perhaps abput 6 or 7 other friends or relatives. dh's sisters aren't going (which personally I find a bit odd). my main reason to go would be as a note of support to fil. dh doesn't think anyone would "expect" me to. but it's not about expectations. It will mean I'll have to work at the weekend - which for myself I don't care about at all, but affects the whole family - and we're a bit tense on work-life-family balance at the moment - such that I think dh would actually prefer me to work rather than go to the funeral, but what about fil?

aleene Thu 14-Aug-08 22:17:32

I would say go unless it is going to cause a big arguement with your DH.

PortAndLemon Thu 14-Aug-08 22:23:54

I wouldn't go, probably. You've only met her three times, it's going to be a very small funeral, and going will mess up your work-life-family balance. If your DH or FIL really wanted you there it might be different, but it doesn't sound as though they do.

ravenAK Thu 14-Aug-08 22:24:02

I probably wouldn't tbh. She was your dh's step grandmother? I'd say that's a close enough relationship for your dh to attend, but not to take his dw &/or dc unless they knew the deceased well.

But if you think FIL would really welcome & appreciate your attendance, then maybe?

cadelaide Thu 14-Aug-08 22:26:01

If your dh is going I don't think you need to (unless you really want to). He will be representing you.

hatwoman Thu 14-Aug-08 22:33:27

she was always dh's step grandmother, if that makes sense - not a late-comer to the family - she was fil's step mum since fil was about 6 (though he lived with his own mum and step-father). of fil's 4 parents/ step-parents she's the last to go, which I think must be hard, esp as an only child.

lilacbloom Thu 14-Aug-08 22:44:23

Go,truly I would go. When dh step Granma died, there were 7 of us at the funeral, (she became his step gran when he was 30) it was the sadest funeral I have ever been too. Espec as dh, I and dh sib had only met her three times each. How sad to have a funeral, and the people that go, don't actually know you.

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