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What to do next? please

(15 Posts)
fiveminutespeace Thu 14-Aug-08 18:32:35

Have posted before, split from husband in May after 20years of affairs, lies and deceit. Since then been round every day on the basis of runs business from home and needs access. He pays nothing towards bills or kids 3 at home.On Sat he assaulted me in front of kids, called police now have community alarm, domestic abuse unit in contact and advise removing office equipment to garage and change locks, inform him and wait. heres the problem he is a locksmith, and knowing him will change locks so I cant get in, will kick off(Police should be here so not really a concern). Abusive phone calls and texts, know he is with another woman and her son, and know roughly where in city, scared, stomach churning but want him out of my life, solicitor on hols till next week, I want to trace exactly where he is living via his mobile so can drop everything there anyone got an idea how I can do that without him knowing that is my intention Sorry so long not sleeping, eating as waiting for him to appear at anytime sad

girlnextdoor Thu 14-Aug-08 20:09:03

What a mess! Could you not use your solicitor- there must be another partner at the practice- and ask their advice- and leave his belongings with a 3rd party?
Can you speak to the CAB?
Surely it is not a good idea to go to where he lives- do you mean drop his things outside his house?

fiveminutespeace Fri 15-Aug-08 06:42:46

Have contacted office but other partner always in court or on phone will try again today, yes my intention was to leave stuff outside house. He is being such a knob, when in the house no communication to any of us, taken stuff like remote controls!!! Pulled all my clothes out of wardrobeangry I have even taken to hiding the coffee and tea just so he can't make himself comfortable and prolong his stay usually here for 3 hours or more, think he is trying to control me thanks for your advice

Alexa808 Fri 15-Aug-08 07:00:33

Sorry to hear about your situation. It sounds awful. Agree that his behaviour def. has to do with exercising control over you. TBH, if you have been advised by police to change locks, then that's what I'd do. If he enters the premises nevertheless I'd call police ASAP and have him removed and slap him with breaking & entering, harassment, threats and assault. Don't know for sure how quickly they can enforce it but it would result in him not being able to be in a certain radius from you & ur home.

Alexa808 Fri 15-Aug-08 07:02:37

Oh and I'd ring solicitor again and say it's urgent, you have been assaulted and he's coming again, you need urgent advice or you'll seek out another practice. YOU are the client, push for yourself to be heard. Good luck!

Rhonds Fri 15-Aug-08 07:42:12

Can't you get in contact with a mutual friend to help with the situation? Someone who would be able to either mediate or alternatively collect the office and transfer to his new home? I'm concerned that given your situation you want to go to his home and take the confrontation to him...better not to poke the hive but get rid of him as painlessly/safely as possible.

fiveminutespeace Fri 15-Aug-08 08:06:33

Thanks for advice will demand advice re where I stand in him entering house, as been advised by solicitor and CAB that under Scottish law he has a right because we joint own property, but I need to feel safe and free from fear of asssault, so short of me moving us out i dont know where I stand.If I did that he would not pay mortgage(as he pays nothing now) I certainly wouldn't pay it to allow him to stay in it so it would be repossessed.I wont go to OW house that I know would be stupid just a little angry last night calmed down since will probably leave stuff in garage as police suggested. Thanks again

clayre Fri 15-Aug-08 08:13:45

fiveminutespeace i have no advice re the legal stuff but live near you, if you need anything i am here!

ToughDaddy Fri 15-Aug-08 09:14:03

Could u ask the police to drop it off?

Alexa808 Fri 15-Aug-08 09:37:37

Do police do this? Dropping off stuff? Maybe making extra ££ on the side grin

Cannot really imagine it. Though TD brings up a good idea. Deposit it at someone else's house maybe? So he can pick it up from there?

fiveminutespeace Fri 15-Aug-08 11:40:14

Just spoke with solicitor,she has advised the right of entry remains the same despite DV, need a court order to exclude him, which she says can take some time.But did suggest I "kick something off" when he comes round and push alarm to get him arrested then via police and court he could be charged and banned from coming near us, need witnesses and a letter from GP to help obtain exclusion order. Not really sure if I have the guts to kick something off and if I did how long it would take for police to arrive and in the mean time what violence I would endure and the kids witnesssad

Freckle Fri 15-Aug-08 12:07:27

You can get a non-molestation order through the magistrates' courts in minutes. A friend did this. There was no actual violence but lots of nasty arguments (she lived in the house, her ex had moved out). However, this was all causing her children to suffer stress so she applied to the magistrates' court for an order, which was granted. I'm not sure exactly what order she applied for - either non-mol or restraining order, but the court staff should be able to advise. Oh and she did this herself without involving solicitors. Her initial application was heard ex-parte (i.e. without the other party being aware of the proceedings) and she was granted an interim order. A second date would then have been set to enable her ex to oppose the order. I don't think he did.

ToughDaddy Fri 15-Aug-08 13:25:29

Betteridea to deposit at someone else. Was just thinking that you could have tried seeing whether the police would, under the circumstance, accompany you to drop off. Preventative measure, you see. But you are probably right, they will only react if something goes wrong.

fiveminutespeace Fri 15-Aug-08 16:37:43

Well I went to work was in a clients house when I got a text from DS11 telling me Dad has just removed the alarm. Called my son as police were arriving spoke to an officer and came straight home. He was there with very smug look on face, officers told me they responded because they thought it was a domestic abuse incident wtf I didn't remove the alarm from the house. He had also taken the TV remote which the police brought back into the house. As I don't have an exclusion order on him they told me nothing they could do also said to me isn't this all very childishshock No shit Thanks freckle was u're friend in Scotland ?

Freckle Sat 16-Aug-08 14:06:36

Sorry, no, England.

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