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Can ANYONE understand how I feel? (very long, maybe offensive)

(42 Posts)
BitterTaste Thu 14-Aug-08 17:05:20

I've changed my name to keep this as anon as possible.

Basically 8/9 years ago I was young and stupid, made loads of mistakes, ended up living in a council house on a rough estate with a baby and no money. Made the mistake of getting involved with the locals and after a brief friendship, fell out with one of them. This woman then went on to make my life HELL. She took the piss out of me, threatened me with violence, reported me to council continuously, reported me to the social services, spread rumours about me and other people's husbands that almost saw me beaten up whilst pregnant and eventually turned the entire estate against me. It caused me severe depression, anxiety, stress, a suice attempt...most of whilst was whilst I was carrying DD2.

I nagged and nagged at the council until they moved us which eventually, after 2 yeas of absolute hell, they did. I moved away from the lot of them, later split with my partner and made a new life for myself as a single parent. I still lived in a crap area but kept myself to myself, everything was fine.

4 years later I bumped into this bitch woman at a kids party. I tried to blank her but she called me over and was all pally hmm I found out she was still living in the same area but had had so many neighbour disputes, she had had to move 3 times in the past 4 years hmm Anyway, despite her offers of renewed friendship, I kept my distance.

3 years after that, I found work, moved to a lovely area, my kids are in good schools, I'm happy and everything is great. Without giving too much away, I now work in mental health.

Anyway, guess who walked in today? I wondered what on earth she was doing there until I realised she was a patient.

Again, without revealing who she is or where she is etc...I found out that since our last 'meeting' her 'partner' (who was also a first class bastard to me and my ex) has ended up in prison. Her 8 year old has been expelled from school. She has had to move entirely from the area she lived in due to more neighbour disputes. She is heavily involved with the social services and she is deeply unhappy.

The point of this post...I was glad. I was happy to see her like that. I'm glad her shitty chavvy 'man' is back where he belongs. I'm glad her kids are not the perfect human forms she expected them to be. I'm glad she has no money. I'm glad she eventually got done for taking drugs. I'm glad her neighbours forced her out of the area like she did to me. I'm glad she's depressed.

It makes me so happy to see her like this. Due to my personal issues with her I got someone else to deal with her but when she saw me she asked how I was lately and I said "I'm brilliant" and I couldn't help smiling. And she knew what I was smiling at.

I then came home to my nice home, great kids, nice neighbours, no debts, secure income and I've been smiling ever since. I hope she rots.

Ok, so now you can all tell me how terrible I am. How my 'luck' may run out. How unprofesional I am. How bitterness and hatred doesn't help anyone....but does ANYONE understand how I feel or am I really, really horrible?

Hassled Thu 14-Aug-08 17:09:25

All my instincts are to say "pull yourself together woman, where's your compassion?" but the reality is I understand exactly how you feel. It is horrible, but I think you would be inhuman not to feel in part how you do now.

Cappuccino Thu 14-Aug-08 17:12:55

no, you are human

it's sad for her that she has to cause problems to feel alive

you do need to feel compassion for her, because her aim to be top dog didn't work. It's sad for her really, but she was evil to you and it's natural to feel a bit vindicated

she knows you do

you do need to let it go now tho

kitkat9 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:13:40

ok, so you've seen she's had her come uppance. I can understand why you feel like you do...but I don't really get how you can delight in her misery.

You did the right thing by getting someone else to deal with her. Just keep your distance - you feel vindicated now and you don't need to rub her nose in it. I know she made your life hell, but don't stoop to her level now. Just steer clear.

catsmother Thu 14-Aug-08 17:13:42

You're human and after being bullied for years, it takes a very saintly type of person to be able to forgive the person who made their life hell.

I think your feelings are pretty understandable actually ...... if you had set out to cause her as much grief as she caused for you, that might be different, but you had the good sense to realise that making your life a success was the best form of "revenge". You haven't caused any of her problems ...... and I guess it's a case of "what goes around, comes around" here.

lou33 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:14:07

i dont think it is unreasonable to feel a sense of satisfaction that this woman has reaped what she has sown, and for you to gain some comfort in that, as long as you can now put it to bed

i do feel sorry for the kids though, i wouldnt gain any pleasure from their situation, as it is something that has been forced on them through her lifestyle and beliefs whilst bringing them up

combustiblelemon Thu 14-Aug-08 17:16:53

Not terrible, just human. You weren't unprofessional because you passed her on to a colleague, and the fact that you have a good work and home life shows that the bitterness hasn't damaged you.

She had a lot of power over you- she caused you to feel depressed and suicidal and made your day to day life unbearable. It's totally understandable for you to feel some joy when you can now see her for what she is- a pathetic, damaged, unpleasant individual who has a miserable life herself, so seeks pleasure from causing others to suffer. She no longer has any power over you. I think the moving on emotionally bit will probably follow now that you've had this encounter.

scorpio1 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:17:36

I can understand; you are only human.

Cappuccino Thu 14-Aug-08 17:18:06

I'm wondering tho

was any part of your desire to post this to do with getting a chance to gloat?

LippyGobshite Thu 14-Aug-08 17:21:21

I agree with lou. Poor children to have her as a mother. And whilst I think you did the right thing in not dealing with her professionally, you wouldn't have come into contact with her at all if her mental health were 100%. That said, having mental health issues doesn't excuse anyone from being a shit, so I can see where you're coming from.

collision Thu 14-Aug-08 17:21:53

she can gloat Capp.

she pulled herself together and sorted her life out.

solo Thu 14-Aug-08 17:22:38

I've always said 'what goes around, comes around' so she's just getting hers...don't be too smug though - for the very same reason.
Glad you can be happy now though grin

hercules1 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:22:40

Fair enough but I dont think it's a good idea to post something you've learnt I assume confidentially through work on the internet like this detailing so much.

Rhonds Thu 14-Aug-08 17:24:27

I guess the right-on opinion is to say that you gain nothing from another persons misery and I would agree with that except in the case where they have caused you misery. I hope that this makes you see that she was probably making herself feel better about her lot by making you look/feel small.
Either way I'm glad you're out the other side and feeling better.

hercules1 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:25:58

sorry, should have said completely understandable how you feel rather than fair enough. Well done, you for pulling your life together after such a difficult start.

lou031205 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:26:13

Actually, the only thing I really have issue with, is that you have divulged her circumstance on the WWW when you were privvy to them due to your profession. The rest is your own issue (and you must know, working in your field, that your reaction is an unhealthy one, and will need to be dealt with for you to move on), but depending on your profession, you are possibly in breach of the terms of your professional registration.

If you don't think that is the case, ask yourself if the woman you describe would recognise herself from your description. I know I would.

StellaWasADiver Thu 14-Aug-08 17:27:18

Like the others say, you are only human, I'd probably be silently going 'ha-fucking-ha' too.

But then I believe in Karma - so don't enjoy it too much. Maybe once you get over the 'ha-fucking-ha' you'll find your compassion again

CountessDracula Thu 14-Aug-08 17:29:07

I think that the first line of your post is rather revealing...

Basically 8/9 years ago I was young and stupid, made loads of mistakes

Maybe she was/has been too and is now regretting it

Agree it is karma
But I wouldn't get too smug or karma might just get you too....

lou031205 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:29:46

In fact I am angry and shock that you could divulge so many intimate details as to make an individual identifiable when you should not be mentioning to ANYONE even that she stepped through the doors of your work place. I think you need to take this to your next supervision, and ask for some help regarding it. You clearly have not resolved this.

combustiblelemon Thu 14-Aug-08 17:29:55

Actually I think the description would probably cover a lot of people- I'm sure a lot of the 'nightmare neighbours' we read about have troubled/violent relationships and substance abuse problems.

LippyGobshite Thu 14-Aug-08 17:30:32

....unless she's changed some of the details lounumbers. Whilst you have a point regarding professionalism, she hasn't divulged any identifying details, and she shifted the case onto a colleague so in this instance I dont' think we can slate her. This is someone who treated her like shite - for whatever reason - and you can't help but think 'good' sometimes, unles you're Mother Farking Theresa. I don't think it's an unhealthy reaction, I think it's a human one.

CountessDracula Thu 14-Aug-08 17:31:19

i agree
you can't help how you feel fgs

lou33 Thu 14-Aug-08 17:32:34

i agree she hasnt revealed any details such as name location etc, just general background info of their history

StellaWasADiver Thu 14-Aug-08 17:33:15

Lou, what details? We don't know this woman's age, where she lives, or if the dates and ages are correct. I can't see anything in there that would help anyone identify a person.

StellaWasADiver Thu 14-Aug-08 17:33:39

I meant that to lou031205 not lou33

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