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Anyone else have a rubbish dad?

(2 Posts)
1stbaby Thu 14-Aug-08 14:54:59

Thought I might start a thread for anyone who might have a rubbish dad like I have.
My dad left when I was 4 and I saw him most weekends at first tailing of to about once a month or so until I finally decided to stop seeing him when I was 15.
The reason he and my mum split was his infidelity and his occasional bout of domestic violence.
He remarried pretty quickly (one of his mistresses I beleive) and she made it clear that she hated my sister and I. My dad did nothing to intervene and we endured years of barbed comments from her (which I was too young to understand at the time) and her attempts to exclude us from his/their family (we werent invited to his suprise 40th birthday party even though our aunts and cousins etc were)
He also didnt want to pay maintenance for us and fought tooth and nail through the courts lying about his earnings just to avoid it.
Anyway like I said at 15 I thought stuff this and gave up on him (he used to not turn up to meet me when he said he would and as a teenager I had better things to do than wait for him all day!!) last year though when I had my daughter I felt a compelling urge to contact him and made a tentative contact via the internet. He sent me one email (to tell me how he has a great house and land and horses etc and how my half sisters went to private school etc) and then nothing since angry. I HATE HIM. I cant believe I contacted him again. Why did I do it to myself???
The man has been responsible for all my screwed up ideas on men and the fear of abandonment that drives my poor DH mad!!

Anyway that feels better to get it off my chest!

babyinarms Thu 14-Aug-08 22:41:53

Hi 1stbaby, i know exactly how you feel, my dad also gave us a horrible childhood, he is an alcoholic and used to beat my mum really badly.
She left him when i was 17, I kept some contact for about 10 years just to keep the peace as i hate confrontation and arguements.
I'm 35 now and i have 2 DCs . Ds is 3 1/2 and DD is 11 months and he has never seen either of them.
When DS was 6 weeks old i phoned to try to meet him as i wanted him to see my baby but he never turned up!
He has phoned a handful of times over the past 3 years looking to meet me but has never made a real attempt. He phoned last in may and said he wanted to meet the kids but would be busy until the end of july??????????????????What a selfish git...he doesnt even work for gods sake....anyway i never want him to meet the kids cos they are doing just fine with out him....I hope i have the courage to tell him this when he next phones.
I go to jelly on the phone and all of a sudden i am a terrified 10 year old again who will say anything to please him and keep the peace!
I know what you mean about the insecurities , I'm quite needy and can be possessive of DH and know that really irritates him but i suppose i never had agood male figure in my life,,,they were all wasters really.
My DH is so loving and so completely different to my dad but i still compare which is so unfair to DH!

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