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should I still talk to my family

(5 Posts)
anongirl Thu 14-Aug-08 12:28:48

This could be a long one....

I come from a large family & my dad died when I was 10. A few years later my brother (5yrs older) started hitting me but no-one ever took him to task over it. Mum had drinking problems & was probably scared of him, while my sisters just seemed to ignore it or accept it as normal.
To cut a long story short when my mum died I broke contact with my family and really don't miss them, but one of my siblings keeps trying to get us all back together. If I refuse I am accused of keeping a grudge and told I should forgive & forget - despite the fact I never got an apology.

Opinions please...

ActingNormal Thu 14-Aug-08 12:46:27

I can't think of any good reason why you should forgive and forget, especially with no apology.

If seeing them would be horrible for you then why should you do it to make them happy?

Why do you owe them anything? They were supposed to look after you and they didn't. Now they want you to look after their feelings by seeing them and acting like a happy family. You do not have any obligation/responsibility to look after their feelings while disregarding your own.

I feel strongly about this. My brother also used to hurt me. He is 4 yrs older and was much bigger than me. I feel contempt that our brothers felt powerful from picking on girls who were more vulnerable than them.

Do you know about the Stately Homes thread? I think you are another one who would fit in well on there!

SilkCutMama Thu 14-Aug-08 12:48:57

You do whatever YOU want to do darling
If you think it could be ok then go but if you really don;t miss themn being in your life and the heartache could all return then don't go

Don't be pressured - you have survived a crappy childhhod and you are strong
Don't make a snap decion either - just take your time and do what's right for you
Love to you ag

MadameCastafiore Thu 14-Aug-08 12:54:33

I don't see my father or my stepmonster, sister or half brothers anymore - it is too painful and was encroaching into my pretty much perfect life - I don't have to worry about saying the worng thing, not living up to their expectaions and most of all made the decision for my children - without the feelings my family invoke I am a better mother - funnily enough I am a better mother because I made a decision not to be like them!

You need to make you own decision - do it for you not for what you will give them though.

anongirl Thu 14-Aug-08 12:58:56

Your kindness has reduced me to tears - thank you. Will look at the Stately Homes thread, AN.
DH's opinion is they don't make me happy so I shouldn't feel bad about not seeing them. There's a lot more I could add to the story - attempted sexual abuse by a brother in law, a truly vitriolic sister, fraud, etc., but a) everyone's got their own history and b) sometimes I think mine is so horrendous people won't believe me sad

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