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So how often do your dc see grandparents? What is 'normal'?

(34 Posts)
Sunflower100 Thu 14-Aug-08 09:06:56

PIL regularly complain that they never see my dd. They live 45 mins away and see her at least every other weekend, sometimes more. They are not interested in visiting on my days at home (I work PT) which I understand (they want to see their son). My mum lives 2 hours away so we see her less frequently but for longer periods as we usually stay the night or she stays with us.
I suppose my worry is that if every other weekend is not enough for pil and they won't come in the week do they expect to see us every weekend and then when would we see dd's other grandparents, aunties,etc and - our friends??
I jave kind of lost perspective of what is a 'normal' amount to see grandparents. Things are fairly strained with pils although I (and they I think) are really really trying to make things work but I find it really hard. MIL has often been quite critical of us, telling me I'm holding dd wrong, that dd is 'naughty' - oooo and the classic - asking me if I'd 'got my figure back' 2 days, 6 days and then 2 weeks after giving birth!!!! - but I am gritting teeth and hoping things will improve.
So how often do dcs see grandparents? Whats a roughly normal amount? or do pils just feel its never enough?? I'm new to being a mum (dd is 18m so maybe I should have got it sorted a bit better by now!!) and I think Im struggling to make the adjustment as to what it means to have created someones granddaughter, niece etc?

gingerninja Thu 14-Aug-08 09:10:48

Sounds like they see her rather a lot. They also sound mental. Personally I'd ask them what it is they want then you (actually your DH) can tell them that you have other things in your life and you need time as just the three of you.

My mum lives about 2 hours away and I see her maybe every three months for a couple of days (max) because of work commitments and other social commitments (hers and ours) my PIL live hundreds of miles away and we see them maybe 2 or three times a year for a week.

KnockOffNorbert Thu 14-Aug-08 09:11:34

Not sure what's 'normal'... really whatever is normal for you. I saw my dads mum once in my whole life, mums parents 1-2 times a year (they lived in Ireland), DS sees my mum between 2 times a week and maybe once a month (mum only lives about 5 mins away), never a special visit for her to see him, just if we are round there etc., DS sees my DHs mum every 2-3 months, if we are over there anyway, never a special visit and she has never come here - she lives about 15 mins away. My dad has seen DS about 2 times, just not intrested - lives 15 mins away. One of my friends saw her grandparents nearly every day though, it varies alot I guess.

hatrick Thu 14-Aug-08 09:12:25

Message withdrawn

ruddynorah Thu 14-Aug-08 09:15:09

every other weekend seems ok to me. totally depends on your relationship with them i suppose.

dd is a bit older, she's turned 2. My PILs live half an hour away, they take dd for a day out every other week. she's 2. they also come to see us all or vice versa every other week on a weekend day. so all in all we probably see them every week.

we then have my gran who lives 2 hours away. we go and see her maybe once a month and stay over night.

then there's my dad, but he lives abroad so we only go and see him once a year for a week, and he comes here for a week once a year.

don't know if that helps you at all??!

drowninginlaundry Thu 14-Aug-08 09:19:15

yep, normal is what works for you

we see my parents 2-3 times a year (they live abroad), and DH's parents as little as possible as they are lunatics - the last time was a year ago. This works for us.

bythepowerofgreyskull Thu 14-Aug-08 09:19:41

we see my mum every week (she doesn;t work and comes during the day)
we see my dad about once a month he feels left out because he is at work when we see mum.
We see Dh's parents about every 6 weeks we alternate them to us / us to them usually overnighter

EyeballsintheSky Thu 14-Aug-08 09:20:29

My mother sees dd about every other day, my dad about once or twice a week if he gets home earlier from work or we go out for Sunday lunch. PIL see her every couple of weeks as they're bridge playing, dinner party types and are busier.

Tommy Thu 14-Aug-08 09:29:58

every other weekend sounds very reasonable to me - especially if you don't get on that well. My MIL would love to see the DSs that often - we see them about once every 6 weeks or so. We see my parents 2 or 3 times a week but that's because we live in the same town.

It's different for everyone isn't it? smile

MuffinMclay Thu 14-Aug-08 09:31:25

I don't think there is a 'normal'.

We see my parents about 4 times a year. They live 3.5 hours away (or 7+ if they're driving). They stay for 2/3 nights at a time. That is more than enough. My mother and I have a difficult relationship to say the least.

We see MIL about once a month. She also lives 3.5 hours away, but is much more dynamic and will pop down for the day or just overnight. She comes to see dh and I, rather than the dcs though; she finds babies rather dull.

lazaroulovespastries Thu 14-Aug-08 09:33:46

Every day nearly

2point4kids Thu 14-Aug-08 09:34:07

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me!
Perhaps one thing you could suggest is that if they wish to see your DD during the week on her own then they could take her to the park or something for a couple of hours and you use the time to do something you'd like to do at home?

We see my parents about once every couple of months because they live quite far away.

My in laws live about half an hour away. We see them both about every 2 weeks the same as you, but MIL see's me and the boys at least once a week during the week as we get on well and she likes to see me and the boys even when DH is not here!

popmonkey Thu 14-Aug-08 09:34:33

DDs see my parents at least once a week.
We see FIL every couple of months.

We moved back to our home town to be nearer family, then FIL moved away.

Before we moved my Parents came up weekly (about an hours drive), we saw FIL when we came down.

I used to see my Mum's parents several times a week and my Dad's parents at least once a week.

zippitippitoes Thu 14-Aug-08 09:35:35

i agree there cant possibly be a normal it depends on distance and your relatyionship

i live round the corner from dgs and used to mind him everyd day thank goodness i managed to get rid of that ball and chain

now i seem him the odd evening or hour or tewo at a weekend unless i invite them for a meal or it is a special occasion or something has happened

certainly not a regular slot and i am often doign other stuff aty weekends

lazaroulovespastries Thu 14-Aug-08 09:36:09

hatrick, snap, my mil is dead and dh's dad is very very selfish.

My parents are great though

lizziemun Thu 14-Aug-08 10:13:24

My dc see my mum at least once a week. But she lives around the corner and we go shopping (food) on a saturday and then we spend a few hours with her while dh has a lie in.

We see dh parents every 4 to 6 weeks but that because they are busy with their own life.

I would say every two weeks is enough as when your dc gets older you as a family are going to want to do things as a family.

TheGirlWithGreenEyes Thu 14-Aug-08 10:32:48

I think it is reasonable to say to them that if they want to see your dd more often it has to be during the week. If they want to see your dh too could they come to you and stay on until he gets home from work - you could invite them to stay for dinner the odd time (or get them to cook!)

My dcs only see their GPs a few times a year as both sets live abroad. It would be nice for them to see their GPs more often tbh....

pointydog Thu 14-Aug-08 10:57:43

There isn't a 'normal' but you have to figure out what suits you.

You say your pil see dd every other weekend. What does 'see' mean? If they pop by for a coffee and chat I'd've thought that would be fine. If the whole day revolves around their visit and meals and outings are planned around it, then that would be too much for me if I didn't particularly enjoy the visits.

If they want to see moire of your dd, they have the option of popping by on one of your days off.

cmotdibbler Thu 14-Aug-08 11:02:07

We see my parents every 4-6 weeks, usually a whole day and overnight (they live 90 minutes away and can't drive that far now). DS sees PIL once a month or so when they are in this country, but they are off for 7 weeks twice a year, and then some other holidays, so often doesn't see them for a couple of months. They live 30 minutes away and are very active.

CrushWithEyeliner Thu 14-Aug-08 11:06:18

I see my folks every day LOL they live really near and have always helped me with DD so I have lots of time to myself if need be. I am v lucky. Sometimes DM can be a bit full on so I hold off for a while but I realise I can't have it both ways. I don't think there is a "normal" amount of time, some would say this is v weird to see your parents so often but it works for us.

more Thu 14-Aug-08 11:06:32

Our children never see one set of grandparents and the other set they see perhaps once a month on average.

more Thu 14-Aug-08 11:07:18

However the one set of grandparents that do see them, see their other grandchild minimum once a week.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerlinsBeard Thu 14-Aug-08 11:10:55

We see PIL every week. They live on our way home from school so we pop in for tea! We see my mum every other week at her house and she occasionally sits for us for one night every other week so will see the DCs then.

My dad sees them when we are both free and he remembers - probably once every 3 months or something like that

Lazycow Thu 14-Aug-08 11:12:08

DS sees my inlaws 2-3 times a year for 2-4 days at a time. They live a plane flight away

He sees my parents (1- 1.5 hrs drive away) every 3-4 weeks for 1-2 days at a time.

None of them ever visit us (All ds's grandoparents are in their 80's and despite adoring him suffer from various ailments) so we have to visit them). I'd like to see my parents more often but if we went every weekend or even every other weekend I'd never have any time for other things at the weekend.

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