is this relationship doomed? or not

[MrsGeneHunt]

had a not particularly good weekend, two rows, one in which i drove off - really upset at dh's alcohol intake, which started at 5 on sunday.

perhaps i expected too much.?

we were childfree for the weekend and yes i did have high expectations but all his faults were glaring.

[MrsGeneHunt]

every day - imo. but perahps i am unreasonable. he does go to work. he comes home - after a couple of hours he drinks.
however at the weekend he sleeps and sleeps and i wanted to do somethign, anything, apart from a brief walk we hadnt, saturday we had had a big row because of it.
sex is useless, i blame the drink
and i dont particularly like his character, sigh

[Kally]

Sounds like you have to tackle the drink problem before you can begin to make headway.

[KristinaM]

she cant tackle teh drink problem - its not her who is is drinking

[MrsGeneHunt]

it is like banging my head against a brick wall

[MrsGeneHunt]

but then - sigh- other people's dh enjoy a drink dont thye?

[solidgoldbrass]

I don't know that you are unreasonable: it doesn't sound like you are getting much out of being in a couple-relationship with this man. Mind you, it doesn't sound like he's getting much out of it either if all he does is drink and sleep.
What are his good points? What are the things you do like about being in a couple-relationship with him? If all you can manage is that he has a job and doesn't beat you, then why would you want to stay? Being single is much better than living with a partner you don't much like.

[MrsGeneHunt]

you know - i dont think i would get on with any other man tbh. i find the rest of them annoying in one way or another. we do get on - when we get the chance,!! (which isnt often) it was just this weekend was shitty like normal weekends and i had no wanted it to be good. actually because dc's were away it was shittier cos we were free to row without worrying aobut them!!!

[solidgoldbrass]

Well, lots of people enjoy a drink, and some of them have a drink problem, and some of them don't - but if your partner is one of the ones who has a drink problem, YOU CAN'T FIX IT. Only he can decide to seek help for it, and no matter what you say or do or threaten, an alcoholic will only seek treatment when the alcholic chooses to.

I am not saying your DH is an alcoholic or even a problem drinker: you think he drinks too much, but that doesn't necessarily mean he has a problem.
Again: have a think about the good points in your relationship and if there are enough of them to outweigh the bad ones.

[MrsGeneHunt]

thanks for that solidgold

[MrsGeneHunt]

i cant fix it, i can only tell him what i want from him i spose, he wont play ball - though it shook him up when i drove off for a couple of hours

[KristinaM]

if your life is being affected by his drinking please go to al anon

[MrsGeneHunt]

i spose but so far when i have tried, their line is busy,, excuses excuses

[solidgoldbrass]

There is a threa on here somewhere for people whose DPs are problem drinkers/drug users, you might find it helpful to have a look at that.

[MrsGeneHunt]

good idea, it is a long one