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Just don't know what to do

(13 Posts)
wannabesomeoneelse Wed 13-Aug-08 19:59:31

I have just found out on the computer that my dp has been listing himself on dating websites using a secret e-mail address.

He had doen this once before a few years ago and had met up with some people. We worked through it as I was pregnant at the time.

We were due to get married in December, and I just don't know what to do.

He is at work at the moment. I have no family around me, as they live so far away. Its just too shameful to tell anybody.

ThatBigGermanPrison Wed 13-Aug-08 20:05:30

List on the same dating website and contact him. See if he rises to the bait.

I thinkk you should both go to Relate, but ultimately, the cards are in your hands, and you can only do what you want to do. So decide what you want to do, then tell him what you are doing.

anongirl Fri 15-Aug-08 08:26:34


Alexa808 Fri 15-Aug-08 08:35:01

Can you access that email account? Try passwords (hotmail, etc. don't show how often it was tried to be entered). Answer the secret question in: have lost password.

Don't really know what else to say. I feel for you. Don't be ashamed, you didn't do anything wrong! Could you confide in a friend?

bubblagirl Fri 15-Aug-08 08:44:11

sorry this has happened how have you found out he has done this again? as you may be able to access some information

you have nothing to be ashamed of you are the innocent one here i would say try counciling but you need proof to back up your claim before approaching this

maybe put wedding off until he can be sure of what he actually wants maybe his not really ready and thats why his doing this

some men such as my ex didnt like to feel they no longer had the power to attract someone else and he needed the ego boost that women still wanted him needless to say he never changed and is now my ex he just didnt want the responsibility or the no more women

Rhonds Fri 15-Aug-08 12:40:34

I know that this might not make it feel any better at the moment but perhaps he just registers to read the blurb (some of them you need to register to nosy, I know as I did this!) or for the excitement of the chat's sometimes so easy to jump to the worst conclusions.
Ask him and prepare to be open minded.
Then shoot him if you suspect he's being an arse.

CuckooChocolateOrange Fri 15-Aug-08 12:50:18

Don't go to relate. don't waste your money. The reason you feel so awful is because the scales are literally falling from your eyes. You've been betrayed, again.... The wedding only clouds the issue. Where are your family? You should go to be with them really. Your child is pre-school age? Leave him now, before it gets even harder. oNce you're married, you'll feel you can't leave him for a year or two at least, then your child will be at school, and will have his/her own friends. Leave now while you can. If it's hard now, it won't get easier.

ConstanceWearing Fri 15-Aug-08 12:52:28

If it was me, I would end it immediately, but I've had more than my share of cheats that never change.

In my experience, someone who can do this is not committed to you, so you might as well let him go.

I know that sounds really blunt, and I'm sorry if it causes you pain. It's not your fault at all. But if this is a habit of his, it will cause you so much more pain the more years you put up with it. It will also cost you your self-worth in the end sad

MadameCastafiore Fri 15-Aug-08 12:55:58

And you are going to marry this man?

Please for the love of God don't do it - he deceived you once and what appologised acted like it was a huge mistake and here he is doing it again - does that sound like someone who is so besotted with you tha the deserves your vows?

Overmydeadbody Fri 15-Aug-08 12:59:26

So, sounds li8ke he doesn't want to be monogamous, or is not willing to give up other women just yet.

If you are not willing to accept a husband unless he is monogamous to you then you need to leave this man and find someone else. However if you can accept it, then you need to have an open frank conversation twith him and let him know you need honesty from him for the relationship to continue and work.

Rhonds Fri 15-Aug-08 13:06:59

Sorry never read the post properly..didn't realise he'd met up with people

Overmydeadbody Fri 15-Aug-08 13:13:25

where are you wannabe?

beanieb Fri 15-Aug-08 13:14:03

Do what ThatBigGermanPrison says.

Has the OP actually been back?

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