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Why isn't he enough for me?

5 replies

feelingawful · 13/08/2008 11:34

I need some advice, I have been with DP 4 years and we have 2 children under 2. I don't think I love him anymore but I don't know what to do. The thought of him having to live without seeing our girls as much is awful, he loves them so much.

He is a great father and loves our babies very much and on the whole a good partner. There has been violence in the past but not for quite a long time and he has left me twice. In the past I have fought really hard for our relationship but I feel like so much has happened I am almost past caring now.

We never have sex, been well over a year and I don't feel any desire towards him really.

I don't know what to do, I hate the thought of breaking up our family, but not sure I can stay with a man i'm not in love with forever. Should I try more, should I leave? It's all such a mess.

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TheProvincialLady · 13/08/2008 11:48

Your relationship is pretty much over if you no longer love him or desire him and you no longer have sex. Over a year is a long time. It will be hard on all of you for a while if you leave him but it is only fair that you BOTH have the chance of a loving relationship. There is no reason why he shouldn't see his children very frequently and be a full part of their lives. It will be much healthier for them in the long run to see you both having happy loving relationships with other people, rather than watch your marriage turn very sour and start to hate each other. I also worry that violence would reappear in this situation and you definitely don't want that for your sake or theirs.

Is there someone in RL you can talk this through with? You could get advice from the CAB about where you might stand WRT finances and where the children live etc.

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feelingawful · 13/08/2008 11:51

Thank you, I just feel like I will be destroying someone elses life. He has pretty low self esteem. I think we both deserve the chance of something better. Would be so easy just to carry on bumbling along.

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TheProvincialLady · 13/08/2008 11:54

But you won't be destroying his life. We are responsible for our own lives and that includes making a relationship work if you want to be in it - he has hit you, left you and not had sex with you for a year. That doesn't sound like he is particularly committed either TBH. You do both deserve something better and bumbling along is not going to improve your self esteem either.

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allgonebellyup · 13/08/2008 11:57

i had this, and eventually i told him to leave.

fast forward a year and i am miserable without him but it worked out well for him, he still sees the kids all the time,still v close to them and has a brand new family of his own.

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feelingawful · 13/08/2008 12:08

allgonebellyup - thankyou, this is also what I am scared of, never meeting anyone else. I have two small children hardly a great catch now. I know he loves me, well he says he does. Is just me really not wanting sex now and not finding him attractive anymore. Our relationship isn't great but what if there isn't anything better...what will I have thrown it all away for then?