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Is this rape/sexual abuse?

(138 Posts)
QuickNameChange1 Tue 12-Aug-08 17:46:29

Please picture the scene and give your opinion...

a woman is having sex with her husband. After a while, she asks him to stop as she just cannot get in the mood. Instead of doing as she asks, he carries on alhough "speeds things up" so that he still gets what he wants out of it.

5 minutes or so after she asked him to stop, he does.

Is this still classed as rape/abuse?

Sorry for the name change, wanted to ask this anon.

Tortington Tue 12-Aug-08 17:47:17

if ou tyhink it is - it is

MoreSpamThanGlam Tue 12-Aug-08 17:48:39

I dont think it is.

DaisyBuchanon Tue 12-Aug-08 17:50:22

I don't know from a legal point of view. At what point during the act does the sex have to be non-consensual for it to constitute rape? I would have thought at any point during the act, in which case yes.

Legalities aside, I would certainly regard it as abuse at the very least.

StellaWasADiver Tue 12-Aug-08 17:50:27

I'd say so.

Mamazon Tue 12-Aug-08 17:52:30

a woman can ask at any time for the man to stop and he should oblige.

However in realistic terms he could argue that he didn't think she really meant stop as she was a willing party in the beginning. sadly most jury's wuold reach the conclusion that although they believe you said stop, that he would have been some kind of saint to actually do so.

its pretty crap i know.

meemar Tue 12-Aug-08 17:56:28

What was happening during those 5 mins? Did she ask him to stop again and he refused?

Was the situation more that she said 'I'm not in the mood, lets stop' and he carried on hoping to get her in the mood and she went along with it saying nothing.

In the first case I'd say rape.

In the second case I'd say I'm not sure.

stitch Tue 12-Aug-08 17:57:11

i dont think this is rape.
i think it is bloody rude, thoughtless, cruel, mental/emotional control etc, all sorts of other things. but i dont think it is rape.

rape is a horrible horrible crime. this does not sound like it.

MoreSpamThanGlam Tue 12-Aug-08 17:57:35

Oh...well, maybe I need to see a lawyer..

QuickNameChange1 Tue 12-Aug-08 17:57:48

she asked him to stop throughout the 5 minutes and actually tried to push him off but he just tried harder to "cum" quicker. (sorry for being crude) He didn't get off her until he'd climaxed.

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 12-Aug-08 17:58:35

Message withdrawn

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 12-Aug-08 17:59:01

Message withdrawn

meemar Tue 12-Aug-08 17:59:20

I would say rape in that case. She made it clear she did not want sex.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 12-Aug-08 17:59:29

i'd say it is yes.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Tue 12-Aug-08 17:59:50

at the v v least it's sexual abuse in my view.

NotDoingTheHousework Tue 12-Aug-08 17:59:57

Message withdrawn

Mamazon Tue 12-Aug-08 18:01:49

this is precisely why it is so difficult to have charges bought against a spouse.

at the end of the day if the woman involved has felt violated by what has happened then it was an abuse of her.

she needs to discuss it with the person ionvolved (if this is someone in her life) or a trained councellor.
Rape is something deeply traumatising and she probably wnats to talk it over but is still unsure as to what actually happened.
contact Womens Aid for some more local information on support lines.

Fanlight Tue 12-Aug-08 18:05:12

Perhaps it was more a case of that he thought she wouldn't mind if he just got it over with. Men can be very obtuse at times...

it would depend very much on motive, is there a way the man could be asked the question himself - mihgt make it easier to understand his motive.

Context quite important imo. Misunderstanding might be a reason.

Fanlight Tue 12-Aug-08 18:06:39

Oh no then, no I missed the second message,. no of course then that is assault. He should have stopped immediately if asked very clearly and especially if someone tries to push you off then yes it is assault/rape. Sorry should read entire thread in future, skimming obv not enough blush

Mamazon Tue 12-Aug-08 18:08:45

was this person a partner or husband? is the relationship normally a reasonable one?

i think these sort of questions will help determine whether this man is an agressive beast or just a rather sexually selfish man.

TBH i think the woman involved knows the answer.

Fanlight Tue 12-Aug-08 18:09:38

I had this happen - not penetration but a male friend who got carried away one evening when we'd been snogging, and was masturbating himself - he got onto me and was doing it and i asked him to stop it, but he just speeded up, staring at me the whole time.
I think he lost the power of self control or something. He finished, came all over me (yeugh) and then went home.

I refused to speak to him the next week, which was awful as we'd been mates for a while (on an evening course)

He was gutted but obv not very repentant...hard t tell.

He pretended to get a phone call in class that evening and never came back in...never saw him again for a few years, then we bumped into each other in the street and he was still strange.

prudencepinkleg Tue 12-Aug-08 20:02:37

IMHO it is very, very wrong and deeply upsetting. I think it shows a deep lack of respect, at the very least, for the woman, and I would hope the man involved would be extremely sorry afterwards.

ginnny Tue 12-Aug-08 20:12:20

shock fanlight. That's gross. I'd have kicked him in the knackers!!
I wouldn't say this is rape as such but definitely inconsiderate and thoughtless. Does the husband know how she felt after, did she have a go at him or ask why he didn't stop?
Not that I'm justifying anything, but when is the man's 'point of no return' though? I wouldn't get someone to stop that far along the proceedings tbh, I'd be inclined to "think of England"

ravenAK Tue 12-Aug-08 20:22:22

OK, well, she was trying to push him off her - if she were much the stronger of the two, then she would have been able to...

If she was trying to, but couldn't, that's presumably because he's bigger/heavier/stronger & was using this strength to carry on when she was repeatedly asking him to stop.

So he was physically forcing her.

I really don't see how that could be anything but rape.

TarkaLiotta Tue 12-Aug-08 20:23:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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