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Passive-agressive men, anyone have any advice?

(64 Posts)
gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 15:25:49

I am in a fairly new relationship with a man (6 months) but he is displaying what I have now discovered are passive-agressive tendancies.

He has so many positive qualities that I am unsure of whether to just stay away or accept it.

Any advice appreciated!

noitsgrubby Mon 11-Aug-08 15:26:32

Can you give some examples?

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 15:32:39

Ok, always late, and when I say anything, he says i'm too demanding

If I get upset about anything, he completely withdraws and wont touch or talk to me

Sounds a bit pathetic really, but I am amazed how upset it makes me. He does recognice he is like this, and has got better since we met, but still resorts to being really evasive and cold, and it leaves me feeling really insecure

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 15:36:32


ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 11-Aug-08 15:53:14


I'd walk away. He won't change, not really, and you aren't so invested that breaking up would be more than a nasty month or two.

Do you want to live with this for years?

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 17:06:37

No not really, he become more open thought over the months.

nkf Mon 11-Aug-08 17:11:36

To be honest, if you aren't married to him or have children with him, my advice would be to leave.

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 17:13:44

really, even if he's a nice person in other ways?

nkf Mon 11-Aug-08 17:15:38

I think so yes. The lateness would do it for me. Lateness is rude. It's effectively saying "you can wait because my time is more important than yours."

girlnextdoor Mon 11-Aug-08 17:16:17

sounds like "normal" male behaviour tome, when they are faced with either emotions or criticism.

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 17:18:47

The lateness thing has improved a lot, basically after I said what you just said nfk!! He is younger than me, and never really had a proper relationship with anyone. I'm was really wondering if people have been in similar situations i suppose, and good ways to handle this sort of person.

shrinkingsagpuss Mon 11-Aug-08 17:19:00

run a mile. i'm married to one.
He's all sweetness and light to everyoen he needs to be polite too, even when they ask him to do stuff eh doesn't want to do, then he cmes home and gets all grumpy and stroppy with me.

If he has a strop about soemthign its fine. if I have a strop its over reacting.

SparklePrincess Mon 11-Aug-08 17:19:25

Ditch him.

gordieracer Mon 11-Aug-08 17:21:35

I guess I was looking for honest answers!! I am a bit of an over-emotional over reacting person though, was kind of hoping he was normal and it was me being picky!

dittany Mon 11-Aug-08 17:22:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblagirl Mon 11-Aug-08 17:24:47

IMHO they tend not to change my Xp was like this when we met i stuck it out trying to save him and change him as he could be nice sometimes

his controlling you without you realising your making more effort to make him happy he plays hard to get you try harder you feel neglected insecure the ball is always in his court and your palying into it

i left that relationship after 4 yrs a broken person no self confidance as for all that time i held onto the he can be really nice when infact he was always selfish and inconsiderate i was to stupid to see it

i would say walk its been 6 mths you should be in the most happiest relationship they always say you can tell in the first 6 mths if its worth keeping and im afraid id say its not if they act like this early on this is how it'll always be its who he is and you cannot change someone

they will ususally say what youn want to hear and then never change so for your own sanity call it a day nothing here sounds like the relationship is working dont make same mistake as me ive never been the same confidance wise

bubblagirl Mon 11-Aug-08 17:28:39

i dont mean to upset you but 6 mths in should be so deleriosly sickly happy and then problems should appear later

shouldnt be you doubting yourself already and trying so hard to please people will only do what you allow them to do you keep playing his games he will keep making you play

walk and find someone who makes you happy that will walk to the end of the earth and back to make sure youa re happy he really doesnt sound right for you

relationships that fizzle this early sure to be heading for breakup as relationships are about 2 people making each other happy neither one of you sound happy

girlnextdoor Mon 11-Aug-08 17:49:57

I think it is normal- sorry to disagree with others- unless all the men I have known are pass/agg.

Don't all men clam up when faced with criticism or emotions?

Mine have!

nkf Mon 11-Aug-08 17:50:10

Bubblegirl is right. It's all very well dealing with this sort of nonsense when you have three kids and a mortgage and elderly relatives to look after. But at six months, you should still be enchanted with him.

dittany Mon 11-Aug-08 17:54:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bubblagirl Mon 11-Aug-08 17:58:37

my dp now was wonderful and made me so happy and first 6 mths i was floating on air we have problems now but thats after one ds with sn and 5 yrs down the line

my x was like this and never changed but i did and for the worst

men can be like this but for it to be a serious loving relationship if all men started off like this how the hell did they mange to settle down most men will want to win there woman over and treat her lovingly

until all settled and few years down the line anyway

PInkyminkyohnooo Mon 11-Aug-08 17:58:52

He sounds like my parents, but I don't get any choice with them. I would let the relationship go, myself. I know men can sometimes lack empathy but that's not the same thing.

PInkyminkyohnooo Mon 11-Aug-08 18:02:17

oh yes bubblagal, when I met DH we were floating on air for about a year.

quinne Mon 11-Aug-08 18:02:21

I'd walk too. It seems that what you describe as passive aggressive, i used to call "selfish" when my ex behaved like that.

PInkyminkyohnooo Mon 11-Aug-08 18:03:01

sory thats bubblagirl

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