I have a really good male friend who I have known for years. There has always been a definate chemistry, we used to go out with each other, now friends etc etc.
I find him very attractive and he says he also finds we attractive - we chat we flirt we laugh etc. He is one of my best friends and we know each other so well.
We are married, we have children and I would love to just have a totally platonic friendship. But there is always an undercurrent of "electricity" that makes the friendhsip exciting and in some ways addictive. So basically I fancy my best friend! How do you get over this without breaking all contact.
Sometimes I wish I could avoid him but our kids go to the same nursery. Our jobs bring us together. We have tried the avoidance but always get asked by others if we have fallen out etc. Logistically unless one of us moves away its not going to be that easy.
We seem to follow each other, work, socially etc (we live in a small town).
We have spoken about it and know we are on dangerous ground. If we know were going out somewhere together one of us doesn't drink, just to make sure nothing happens. I am scared that I can't go on like this and I will have a bad moment - go to him for help and well it will all end tears, your right.
This has been going on for so long now im so fed up with it.
Iam going to be totally honest and I have not told anyone this - I have already kissed him. I am going out later in the week and I know he will be there. I can cancel but then it would mean 5 of friends can't go as I said I would drive. I am dreading it! I am feeling down already at the moment and just want to scream at him for making me feel this way about him.
If I did make all the changes that I need to make, what do I say to dh? its his friend. We both feel so bad about what is happening. He has said to me I am the one he should have married etc and tbh he is everthing dh is not. I know the grass is never greener. I know dh is the right man for me but I have never had such a good friend.
oh FGS slap! pull yourself together <shakes by the shoulders>
yes, it's lovely to feel attractive and love someone. particularly when it's forbidden. but you'll not only be hurting your DH and Dcs you'll hurt the DW and children of this man you profess to love. you love him so much that you'll put all these other innocent people through so much pain. not so terribly romantic now, is it? just stop seeing him, spend some time with your husband, try and go away for a weekend or something and avoid this 'friend' like the plague. real friends put other people first, they don't selfishly take what they want and screw the consequences.
It really does sound like you are mentally preparing yourself to do something, trying to convince yourself that fate is pushing you together, or that it is inevitable. It's not. It's within your control. Betray your husband, don't betray him, but be very clear that it is a choiceyou will make.
Ah, right, you have kissed him already..lines have been crossed then. And what's more your last post shows that he is no friend - the guy is trying to seduce you, he has launched a direct attack on your marriage.
Seeing as he is a 'friend' of your dh's and you all share lots of mutual friends the situation could get mui ugly and it's very likely that you will be found out.
Not sure what to advise you as there are pretty powerful forces acting on you. Look after yourself and your loved ones (whoever they are).
Oh, and watch 'Closer'. From the few posts so far I would say you are the Julia Roberts character.
Well let's extrapolate you carry this on once you have kissed him if you keep seeing him it will happen again
You will end up ruining your relationship with your dh. You may divorce. Eventually your children will find out that it was your infidelity that took them away from their father. They will resent you. You will end up old and miserable and alone. All because you have low self-esteem and need flattery from someone to make you feel better about yourself
Get rid of him Sort yourself out You don't need it
If you are unhappy with your dh then sort that out on its own. Get your kicks elsewhere.
Silly bint is abit harsh!! from the outside these things always look so easy and clear. From the inside it can be very difficult indeed.
I've got to say its not looking good!!
Lines have been crossed - feelings are on the surface. He is a player! he is seducing you and you need to see him for what he really is. It is unlikely you will be the only person he is saying all this to and I am sure sex is a main thought of his.
He is not a real friend. If you and DH are having problems then sort them out first, if you need a break then have one but don't do it just for the sake of this so called friend. Be strong stop it now before you get pulled in to deep.