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dh's best friend splitting up from his wife..

(20 Posts)
bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 18:06:10

..and there are 3 young children involved. it's come as a big shock for us (first friends to do so) and it's still v raw (he's about to move out, and it appears to be beyond repair). those of you who've been through this, what kind of help did you/would you want from your friends, as we love them all dearly and want to do what we can. we don't live near them, so can't really offer much day-to-day practical support, but want them to know we wish we could do more.

bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 18:41:52

bump

Cod Sun 13-Feb-05 18:43:07

Message withdrawn

bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 18:44:23

i didn't mean on the "war" front, and although we're directly connected through the husband have been on hols with them so know her pretty well too.

bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 18:45:10

(dh has had long chats with him and comes away thinking 6 of one, half a dozen of the other, so it's not like we'd be taking sides)

Twiglett Sun 13-Feb-05 18:45:38

don't get involved

don't say anything bad about either party

offer to have the children maybe to give them time to chat

it is so much easier if you only know one of the couple, but when you know both and are close to both i think it could be a nightmare

Cod Sun 13-Feb-05 18:45:42

Message withdrawn

Cod Sun 13-Feb-05 18:46:17

Message withdrawn

tamum Sun 13-Feb-05 18:53:52

My dh had been through a divorce before I met him, and from talking to him I think he really appreciated having somewhere to take his children occasionally when they were with him at weekends. He had a tiny flat and they used to get very bored; seeing friends with children gave them some more "normal" time rather than dad-on-his-own-with-kids-in-McDonalds type stuff. If you're a long way away that might not be remotely appropriate though. Poor them

bakedpotato Sun 13-Feb-05 18:57:51

oh, what sad news, bundle.

bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 18:59:42

tamum, that's a good idea, because his mum lives in london so we could always make sure we're in town whenever he visits and meet up with him.
bp, he's been sobbing on the phone, it's dreadful. and the wife is v depressed.

tamum Sun 13-Feb-05 19:01:06

I'm sure he would really appreciate that bundle. I think the loneliness of being on your own when you're used to family life must be pretty hard to bear too.

bubbly1973 Sun 13-Feb-05 19:16:03

i remember when our very close friends split up me and dh were close with both of them, we made sure we didnt take sides, and as the months went on, both were quite bitchy towards each other and telling me and dh what they thought, throughout all this we were listening but never ever for one moment got caught up in there opinions, we just said constructive things

they got back together, and they said they truly knew who were there friends because most of them took sides or made nasty comments about one of them, so my advice would be definitly dont take sides as it could be rather embarassing if they got back together and knew one of you had made nasty comments not that you seem the sort to do that(hopefully they will sort things out)

its awful when your friends split up isnt it..all those cosy nights together as friends etc..seems sad that it will not happen again, but hopefully whilst apart they will realise that they want to be together and all will work out

bundle Sun 13-Feb-05 19:45:15

we're definitely doing that, bubbly, there have been a lot of accusations and they're both v angry. but dh and me chat about what's going on and see it all as symptomatic of them being unhappy rather than x did this, y did that.

Joanna3 Mon 14-Feb-05 15:02:38

Bundle, couldn't agree more with what has already been said. Don't get involved directly but listen sympathetically. You could always drop dh's friend's wife a line saying sorry to hear they were having problems and that you were thinking of them both. Ultimately you will probably lose contact with her however as it is practically impossible in my experience to maintain a close relationship with both parties following a split. When I broke up with my ex I was upset by the fact that few of his friends or family made the effort to contact me to say sorry - they just dropped out of my life. Looking back this was inevitable but as I said a quick phone call/card would have been appreciated.

WideWebWitch Mon 14-Feb-05 15:03:39

This happened to my friend about a year ago, 3 kids too. I was just there if she wanted me to be, at the end of the phone to listen.

bundle Tue 22-Feb-05 16:22:00

oh god, just back from weekend with inlaws and both my dh's sisters now have relationships in trouble (only knew about one of them before this weekend). is there something going on?

sparklymieow Tue 22-Feb-05 16:23:31

My cousin split up with his live in girlfriend on thursday too

bundle Tue 22-Feb-05 16:26:28

eeek

sparklymieow Tue 22-Feb-05 16:27:39

must be something in the water. I hate it when someone close to us splits up as DH gets parniod

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