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"But we took you to stately homes" - Part 4(1002 Posts)
I think perhaps, having thought some more about this that my mother does of course have her good points and i am sure she did bond with my sisters when they were born, hence the much closer relationship they have. So i suppose their reality it totally different from mine, they have had a lot of 'good stuff' from my mother which probably enables them to overlook her faults. Whereas she and i have always been very distant and i have really only had 'bad stuff' from her and very little 'good stuff'. I feel like i'm going round in circles as i know i worked all this out a long time ago. I guess i am finding it very hard to face up to the fact that i was the only one to suffer and be mistreated in this way by our parents. My youngest sister was the favourite of both parents and they treated her relatively well, my middle sister was treated badly by our father but ok by our mother and she is very close to our mother and the feeling is mutual i can see. So that just leaves me, badly and cruelly mistreated and abused by my dad and neglected and kept at a distance by my mother. No wonder i was so lonely and also the only sibling to be suffering quite severe health problems as an adult. I know my bad health is due to my emotional damage/suppressing feelings etc, but it seems so unfair that one person should have to deal with so much pain and difficulty. It's not fair.
Can't beleive we're onto part 4, although i can't see this thread ever dying.
I was just reading through past posts to try and catch up on the months i have missed and something somebody said has triggered something for me. I know my mother didn't bond with me or love me and i think part of the reason why was because she thought i took after my dad whom she hates (although she is too gutless to leave him). I remember when i was young her saying things like my hair was like my dad's but she wouldn't say it an affectionate way, but quite a venomous way and it always made me feel uncomfortable when she said that but i must have been too young to figure out why.
The more i realise about my mother the more i despise and hate her. I remember she used to play hide and seek with me when i was very young, about 3. Only she would 'really' hide in a place i would never be able to find her. I remember crying and feeling completely distressed one time as i thought she had gone and left me alone at home. It was only after i had been crying for some time that she jumped out laughing from her hiding place. What a nasty, cruel, ugly piece of work and she parades around looking as if butter wouldn't melt and she has a lot of people fooled including my 2 sisters. I know my dad can see her for what she is which is why she hates him and i can see her true colours too which is why i hate her.
I know inside she is deeply insecure, lacks intelligence, strength and integrity. I have witnessed her lie, manipulate and cheat to get what she wants and the people to whom she lies and those who she manipulates are us, her own family. I just can't beleive my sisters cannot see through her, they are totally blind and deaf to her true character and have completely fallen for the victim role she has carved out for herself.
Cutting off my parents was the best thing i ever did and i have realised i need to set some boundaries with my sisters, my last remaining friend and even DH. How to do that is another thing, something completely new to me.
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