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Cheating

(14 Posts)
lilbunny Fri 08-Aug-08 10:11:42

I cheated on my partner of 3 years,i dont know why I did or pehaps I do and just dont want to admit it to myself.I just dont feel good enough for him and I feel he doesnt show me any affection,even worse now I cheated as I confessed.Will we ever be happy gain?Can a relaionship survive cheating(I didnt have an affair just slept with some1 once) :-(

OiMum Fri 08-Aug-08 10:41:11

Wow- how long were these feelings kicking around before you slept with someone?

Speaking from past experience- do you think you could have done it to test how much he thinks of you?

Plenty of couples I have known have gotten over infidelity but it has taken a hell of a lot of hard work and talking openly and frankly either alone or with a neutral third party. It'll hurt a lot before it gets any better.

How did he take the news?

TracksuitLover Fri 08-Aug-08 10:44:28

Oh Lilbunny, I'm scared for you about the verbal abuse you will probably get on here now, there are some people with very strong opinions on this sort of thing. Did you post because you want to be punished for it?

How did you partner react when you confessed? Why did you confess? Why should he experience the loss of self esteem from the knowledge of your cheating when it is you that did something wrong? Or is this deep down something you wanted? (sorry if I sound like I'm getting at you, I'm not, I just want to help you understand yourself). I mean does he make you feel inferior so you subconsciously wanted to get back at him for making you feel not good enough for him?

Is it him who makes you feel inferior or do you do this to yourself? If it is him then he is an arrogant twat and you cheating is a signal that you need to leave him. If it is you then you need to work on your self esteem and know that if you don't make the effort to do this you will hurt people again.

I don't know whether your relationship will survive or not. It depends how he feels about this sort of thing and whether you are likely to do it again.

Try to remain slightly detached from the abuse you might get on here and concentrate on anything useful people might say and work out why you did this. Good luck x

Kally Fri 08-Aug-08 10:49:19

There is probably more to it than OP is saying...

Baffy Fri 08-Aug-08 10:52:10

Yes a relationship can survive when one person has cheated. If you both want it enough.

Do you want to be with someone who doesn't show you any affection though? I'd assume the one night stand was perhaps your way of getting the affection you need?

How has your partner reacted? Is this the time for you to actually open up and discuss why you don't feel good enough and what you need from him too?

Seems to me that you cheated because you're unhappy. So don't just try and make things go back to how they were. I think you need to take steps to make your relationship better, or accept it's not working and walk away.

prettyfly1 Fri 08-Aug-08 11:25:23

things have gotten a lot better on the verbal abuse front on the site so dont worry too much and even if someone does start there are normally plenty of us to tell them to knock it off.

what do you feel about it now - do you feel you can work through it - does your husband know? i think you need to seriously try to understand why you were unfaithful - have you considered speaking to someone like a councellor in rl?

lilbunny Fri 08-Aug-08 14:31:12

Hey all thanks for the replys,First of all think I posted it on here to just talk to someone really and get others opions.

A few weeks before I cheated I got really drunk and snogged his friend he caught as(im not some slapper thou,its just I was a big twat and sooo drunk) then I found out I was pregnant,I have 3 kiddies and am only late 20s.I was devastated part of me felt the natrul feelings of being a mummy again but part of me was scared,My partner didnt really want to talk about but we both agreed on an abortion(something I was totally aganst till it happened to me)It was the most horrible thing I ever decided to do and being a christian(u think?) it was not right but I went throu with it and then a few weeks later i cheated with his work colleage.I had to confess I feel soo much guilt and disappointment in my self.But I just want his attention,I didnt really get much as a kid and am still trying to get it now.I suppose this is pretty heavy stuff to put on here and Im sorry if I offend people but Im screaming inside for someone to understand me,Im not an evil slut who went out to destory my partner...I dont know what I am,I just want his affection attention etc,He knows all this but he wont talk to me about things :-(

lulumama Fri 08-Aug-08 14:35:06

sounds like you might have cheated to punish him for forcing your hand re the abortion.

drink , BTW, is not an excuse to snog/ cheat IMO.

you clearly have deeper issues with your own self esteem and in the way your relationship is working, and you need to focus on that. you need to feel good about yourself before you can beleive anyone else will feel good about you.

stupid behaviour like this may prove momentarily you are attractive, but at what cost?

you need to work on yourself and your relationship

lulumama Fri 08-Aug-08 14:35:53

if he won;t talk about things, then that makes it very hard. you both have some tough choices to make

lilbunny Fri 08-Aug-08 14:37:11

you are so right,I know drink is not an excuse Im a ponker :-(

lulumama Fri 08-Aug-08 14:52:18

you need to talk, and he needs to listen , and you both need to work out if this relationship is one that is worth saving, even if he does not give you enough affection/ attention, that is not a reason to cheat.

lilbunny Fri 08-Aug-08 14:55:19

He says I need to give him time which I understand but Iv never felt good enough for him,I defo think I need to go talk to someone about how I see myself,everyone thinks i have so much confidence and i probley but it gets me in trouble cause peeps take it the wrong way Im a attention seeker,sad but true.blush

lulumama Fri 08-Aug-08 14:56:19

hope you manage to work things out, your children deserve happy parents

lilbunny Fri 08-Aug-08 14:57:54

Thank you,yes they do.I dont want any of this to affect them. x

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