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Apparently i'm not entitled to a break from the kids, because i'm their mother and thats my job

(151 Posts)
nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:22:37

That is according to dp, who also seems to think that i can't get tired or to the point of wishing i'd never had any kids.

All because i don't go to work, so how difficult can my life possibly be.

TracyK Sat 12-Feb-05 09:24:40

and if he's the same as my dh - he is ALWAYS tired - but hardly ever gets up in the night, sleeps on in the weekends and has a snooze on the couch when he comes in from work.
and he wonders why I don't want sex with him!

Peckarollover Sat 12-Feb-05 09:24:59

Not to same extremes but DP has VERY similiar ideas some of the time.

It is sh*T

Are you knackered honey?

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:29:30

Yep i am exhausted. Dd2's asthma is playing up so she has been coughing and being sick all night and the night before and Ds kept me up the night before too and last night.

Dp did get up a couple of times to them but he seems to think that him getting no sleep makes him much more tired than me getting no sleep.

I fell asleep on the sofa last night and he nudged me to wake me up, for no reason at all

TracyK Sat 12-Feb-05 09:30:05

what a b!

tribpot Sat 12-Feb-05 09:30:19

Nutty - this theme came up on the June thread a little while ago. Phrases like "stay at home" and "don't go to work" do a MASSIVE disservice to mums (and dads) who work at caring for their family and their home. (My dh is going to be a "stay at home" dad so our situations will be different from most people but it gives me an interesting perspective).

At the moment I don't work, I "stay at home". But this is in the real sense - my baby isn't much trouble (being still located inside my tummy for the next 19 weeks or so!). Life is pretty relaxed - I'm guessing that "staying at home" with children probably isn't quite so chilled (I'm also guessing going out to work is probably a lot less emotionally exhausting, to be honest).

If your dp thinks your life is so easy, perhaps he could take the kids for a couple of days whilst you go away to visit friends or something? I reckon he would baulk if he had to have the kids on his own for more than a couple of hours, am I right? Perhaps this might be the opening for a discussion about the relative merits of the work you both do for your family? Belittling the contribution of the "stay at home" partner drives me mad

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 09:30:33

How can you put up with such attitudes? You're both equal parents! I'd bet anything you work a damn sight harder nutty. It would be a break for you to do something else.

TracyK Sat 12-Feb-05 09:32:27

I think most other people are the same - I work mornings and as I leave to pick up ds at 12.30 and say 'I'm off to job No 2 now' all I get is 'yeah right' and lots of laffs!

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 09:34:11

I hope not Tracy! Certainly not here anyway. Dh works nights full time, looks after kids during the day for three days and has just done the whole house this morning.

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:34:47

He couldn't cope with the kids for a whole day, he hasn't got the patience.

There is no way he would agree to me going away for a couple of days, even an afternoon on me own causes a row.

I cannot remember the last time i didn't have at least one of the kids with me.

Anything i say to him is met with "but you don't have to go out to work do you"

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:35:41

Blimey hercules, do you loan him out

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:36:24

How could i forget, him doing the washing up after tea and picking up the occasional toy off the floor, to him menas he does ALL the housework.

misdee Sat 12-Feb-05 09:36:27

smack him one!!

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 09:36:45

No. He's not special and doesnt get congratulated. He does no more than I'd expect. He also cooks as I cant.

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 09:38:11

Nutty - trust me, what you do is far more stressful than what he does. You do need a break and regularily. It's not good enough that he wont take the kids for a period of time.
I have no advice though I'm afraid.

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:38:21

I would of if i'd had the energy Misdee

He has had to go to work this morning so he will play on that all day now.

He regulalry tells me that i should go and get a full time job and see how easy i think it is then. Don't know what he thinks i'd do with the kids.

Yorkiegirl Sat 12-Feb-05 09:40:00

Message withdrawn

NotQuiteCockney Sat 12-Feb-05 09:45:10

Gah. I've had a full-time job, I worked in the City for years. Being home with two kids is much harder. And DS1 goes to school part-time, and I don't do that much around the house, mostly just cooking.

Thankfully, DH knows this. He doesn't take them both for very long periods yet, as DS2 is only 4.5m and hence somewhat boob-attached, but he will.

He had to go back into work last night at 9, came home at midnight. But in our house, that's martyr points for me (for getting myself into bed with DS2 on my own), not for him!

(I do try to give him time off on the weekends, though ... as he does for me.)

SPARKLER1 Sat 12-Feb-05 09:45:41

nutcracker - for you. That's very unfair. I don't work either but I always need to have a break. It's hard work being home with the kids all day.

SPARKLER1 Sat 12-Feb-05 09:47:10

Nutracker if I was you - I'd get up and dressed before the kids wake up and go out for the day. Leave him to deal with everything. He'll soon change his mind.

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:49:35

We have talked about it loads before, but basically he thinks i have an easy life and that i have no idea what his life is like, eve though he has admitted that his job is pretty easy and he sits on his ass most of the day.

I've got quite good at ignoring what he says anyway, think it's just cos i was sooooo exhausted it got to me. I can't believe how he couldn't see that i was so tired, i mean i didn't come on MN last night, what bigger clue could i have given him

nutcracker Sat 12-Feb-05 09:50:12

LOL sparkler, that would be good.

SPARKLER1 Sat 12-Feb-05 09:51:17

Go on - I dare you. Go out and have a bit of pampering and retail therapy. Go on - you deserve it and it will serve him right.

rickman Sat 12-Feb-05 09:51:47

Message withdrawn

rickman Sat 12-Feb-05 09:53:31

Message withdrawn

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