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Me and husband have just split, help please

(35 Posts)
JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 08:46:38

After another row last night where he hit me, was verbally abusive and bullying I finally asked him to leave. He's just gone now but I don't know what I should be doing.

I'm a sahm to 3 children, no savings and I don't know what to do. Does anyone have any advice?

This has been going on for years, he's been verbally abusing me, a bully and there has been violence before. Not sure what else to say.

mrsshapelybottom Thu 07-Aug-08 08:48:59

I don't have any advice but I just wanted to say that you have my admiration - you are obviously very brave and strong and you will get through this.

I am sure you will get loads of brilliant help on here.....

fluffyanimal Thu 07-Aug-08 08:49:06

i don't have any advice but wanted you to get a quick answer and some support. Sorry you've been going through this but well done for standing up to him, hope things start to get better for you and dcs now. Someone more knowledgeable will be along in a minute I'm sure.

lulumama Thu 07-Aug-08 08:49:22

jodie ! i am so sorry to hear this, i cannot believe he hit you

do you have family near by? i would get a solicitor ASAP you should be entitled to legal aid , or go to CAB.. they can advise you.

i know you had had a few issues, but no idea he had hit you .

you need legal advice NOW.

do you want to press charges re the violence?

twofalls Thu 07-Aug-08 08:50:34

Jodie, no real advice but I didn't want to read and run.

Do you have family nearby? Friends? It sounds like you need some immediate support now.

I know there are loads of people on here who will be able to help but I just wanted to say well done for asking him to go. You don't have to put up with abuse.

Ags Thu 07-Aug-08 09:26:35

Jodie, again nothing useful from me except to say well done. It sounds like you have done a brave and strong thing. The only thing that occurs to me is that you should change the locks in case he comes back.

bythepowerofgreyskull Thu 07-Aug-08 09:28:49


I am home all day, if you want to meet.
So sorry you are going through this, email me if you want to get together.

bythepowerofgreyskull Thu 07-Aug-08 09:30:24

you still around Jodie?

lulumama Thu 07-Aug-08 09:34:44

jodie, hope you are ok. sad for you

ilovemydog Thu 07-Aug-08 09:42:30

First, get the locks changed.

Then call the CAB and say you need money NOW!

YeahBut Thu 07-Aug-08 09:48:45

Call CAB and Women's Aid.
WA directory of local services

JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 09:58:37

Thanks everyone. I've been on the phone trying to sort some things out this morning.

I have my parents nearby so that will be a help, they are here during the week usually.

I didn't get much sleep last night so I'm quite tired today. I still feel a bit dazed by it all.

noonki Thu 07-Aug-08 10:13:08

I would change the locks on the house

make sure you go and get your benefits sorted

the police can help also,

go to see a solicitor as they can help (you may be entitled to legal aid

you are being very brave

don't worry about less money, a happy home is far more important to your kids and for you

well done ((()))

JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 10:28:53

I've made an online application and applied on the phone for a single claim of tax credits. I'm not worried about less money, I just want us all to be happy.

Gettingagrip Thu 07-Aug-08 10:31:32

Have you told the police? Very important they have a record of this for all sorts of reasons

keep your chin up

keep posting


JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 10:38:32

I haven't told the police. I don't think I could bear going through everything with them, plus he denies most of what he's done and blames me.

Gettingagrip Thu 07-Aug-08 11:09:12

Well he will do! I know it is difficult. They will support you however...they have people who have seen this all before a million times.

It is quite important that this is logged. If you can't face actually going to the police then please write everything down in a diary or something. DO you have any bruises? if you do then please take some photos. This is all very important.

Hugs and love to you


JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 14:10:08

Thank you. I will try and get something written down later. I actually feel ok right now, is that normal?

Gettingagrip Thu 07-Aug-08 16:37:17

You probably feel calm now you have made the decision. Keep your courage up. You are very brave


JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 17:19:24

I am trying, thank you. I still feel ok.

We would have been together 10 years today as well, how ironic that we split today. I was the op of that thread. I couldn't update it at the time

Tortington Thu 07-Aug-08 17:23:13

well done

noonki Thu 07-Aug-08 17:42:25

Hi JodieG1

just checking in on you - sorry had to rush out earlier,

hope you are still feeling calm, that might be because you know you are making the right decision

indecision leaves you feeling terrible, but when it's right feels OK

I just read your previous thread, you are definately right to get him out of your life. Do you have support from friends and family?

Have you felt able to explain it all to them?

I know it may be too soon to bring it all up but think very carefully about him seeing the children and how you are going to arrange things, if you don't trust him - don't let him have them.
Well done, I have been thinking of you all day and hoping you have been getting on alright x

JodieG1 Thu 07-Aug-08 23:53:10

Thank you. I've spoken to my parents, mainly my mum and told her some things.

I still feel ok, I'm a little worried as I thought it would hit me by now, unless it won't at all. It's been a long time coming. I feel happy but strange.

JodieG1 Fri 08-Aug-08 00:22:12

I feel pretty crap now, I can't sleep though. I feel weird.

Chandra Fri 08-Aug-08 00:31:55

The shock may be wearing off, but don't worry you will be fine. I would suggest a glass of hot milk if you can stomach it and going to bed with a book, what book doesn't matter just something that can take your mind out of the problem for long enough so you can sleep. You need to take good care of yourself now more than ever.

I may need to folllow my own advice now...

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