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Angry dp - anyone else?

(17 Posts)
dixia Sat 12-Feb-05 08:48:39

Why does my dp fly off the handle and go into a major mood so easily? It can be the smallest thing that sets him off, then he stomps around for hours.

He's always been like this, since he was a child apparently. I know its not me - we have a good, strong relationship - but how do I handle it?

I have got used to handling it day by day (not that its easy), but its the thought that this is what its going to be like for ever that scares me.

Most of the time things are fine. But a major mood 2/3 times a week can last for hours and hours. Sometimes I just want to scream at him , but it makes things worse, so now I just avoid him.

This morning our 2 yr old ds decided to get up early (only about 30 mins early). He came into our bed and started to chatter, then got up and wandered around. Saturday is supposed to be dps day for getting up (I do the other 6), but hes crap in the morning. This morning he got really mad with ds and shouted at him and shut him in his room. ds was frightened. dp was angry. I was pissed off & had to get up again. Dp then went and made a bed for himself in the spare room, where he kipped for an extra hour.

Just a rant really. Don't suppose theres any magic solution. Anyone else have a problem with anger in their relationship?

TracyK Sat 12-Feb-05 09:13:22

I think thats completely out of order - it's one thing taking bad mood out on us adults - but when its taken out on babies then that's got to stop - esp if ds was frightened.
would he go to some kind of self help class or relaxation technique class?

vict17 Sat 12-Feb-05 10:23:34

I wouldn't stand for anyone treating my ds like that even if it was his father.

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 10:55:16

Anger management. You cannot allow your child to be treated in that way.

secur Sat 12-Feb-05 11:00:50

Message withdrawn

SenoraPostrophe Sat 12-Feb-05 11:01:53

OMG, dixia, dh can be like this too.

I was umming and ahhing over whether to post about it or not.

He's not quite the same - doesn't generally sulk any more (he used to - for days). But he does get angry very quickly and sometimes shouts at dd.

My current plan is to have a big chat with him about it, rather than just telling him off when he does it. I'll let you know if it works.

To the others: is there any alternative to an anger management group? You don't get those in Spain and dh would never go to one in a million years anyway.

hercules Sat 12-Feb-05 11:04:02

We do anger management sessions in our school now although sadly dont have enough places for the need .
I guess the first thing is they have to be willing to do something. GP any help?

blueteddy Sat 12-Feb-05 11:58:58

He sounds a lot like my dh & I have suggested anger management to him, but I doubt anything will come of it.
If my dh gets really angry, he has even been known to smash things or kick things (not me or the children)
You have my sympathy.

CherryEm1 Sat 02-Apr-05 23:40:42

my dp has changed dramatically from the immature, angry lad he was when he was young and drinking lots. Hes brilliant now but still has slight angry tendencies wants to get this sorted so got offered counselling on NHS. My mum says this is a bad idea cos if the authorities get even a wiff of angry tendencies they'll have social work on us for our daughter (who he does ntohing to, but care for her) is this the case?

Tortington Sun 03-Apr-05 02:25:21

no thats bollocks unless he is very violent. agencies should be supportive of someone looking for help.

swiperfox Sun 03-Apr-05 10:04:49

Hiya - my dp has had some big anger issues. I made him go to the gp who got him 6 weeks of NHS councelling at the surgery and it was brilliant. I think it has done him the world of good to sit and talk to someone neutral and letit all out. Also obviously the councellor knew all the right questions to ask to get him thinking etc.

He asked the doc for anger management classes so the doc wrote away to get him on them and the reply was basically you dont get on the anger management course unless you're basically psychotic!! Not impressed!!

But do go for the councelling. You may be surprised at the difference in him - I was!!

swiperfox Sun 03-Apr-05 10:06:03

Oh - and they wont involve social services - I actually told my HV what was going on with my dp because it was affrecting DD so all she did is come round to me every week or so and have a chat to see how things were going.

stressedmummy Sun 03-Apr-05 10:18:42

I am in a very similar situation with my H.
Living like him is like living with an un exploded bomb at times. (see dh temper thread)
He does not think it is a major problem, as he does not hit me, however he does scare me a lot with his temper alone.
I did mention some bits to my HV, just after ds2 was born because I was suffering from depression.
Like sf said, they do not tend to get social services involved, but just come round & listen to you.
I am now starting to see the affect that his behaviour is having on ds1, as last night while H was having another go at me, ds1 (5) came up & wrapped his arms around me.
I asked if he was ok & he said "I am saving you from Daddy."
I think this even got to H a bit.

swiperfox Sun 03-Apr-05 10:27:36

sm dd does that to me too - if he so much as raises his voice she runs to 'protect' me. Makes me feel so awful.

Also if we are talking with raised voices or being silly she tells us to stop it.

A harsh reminder of what our fighting had done to her

stressedmummy Sun 03-Apr-05 10:31:26

It's really horrible isn't it?
My ds1 is a very anxious child, who has social & interaction problems.
I feel so sad & guilty thinking that H's behaviour has damaged him in some way.
If H shouts at anyone (ds1, ds2 or me) ds1 jumps.

stressedmummy Sun 03-Apr-05 10:32:10

How old is your dd sf?

swiperfox Sun 03-Apr-05 11:01:36

she's 3.3 now. she's getting better but is still anxious and can burst into tears at the drop of a hat

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