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Don't fancy him any more....

(7 Posts)
omond Wed 06-Aug-08 17:44:18

Has anyone ever been able to fall back into 'lust' (or something like it!) after completely not fancying someone any more. Been together for 3 years, totally head over heels fancied him to begin with, now my marriage is falling apart because I can't bring myself to sleep with him. We have beautiful daughter, he is a lovely man and father, but it's gone....
Anyone had similar experience?

theexmrsfederer Wed 06-Aug-08 17:47:19

Yes, I got my mojo (and libido) back after it went MIA for a while.

I hadn't even realised it had gone sad.

I found it was nothing to do with the relationship, it was about me and not feeling my best.

Oh, and discovering "toys" wink

luckylady74 Wed 06-Aug-08 17:54:25

Do you fancy other people? If your libido is gone entirely it may be hormonal or emotional stress. If it's just your partner then maybe if you liven up your relationship with nights out and wine the spark could come back?Lives change with kids and you need to adjust.

omond Wed 06-Aug-08 17:54:49

Thank you for your reply. However, I'm afraid it's deeper than that, because when I'm on my own i do have a libido iyswim. It's just that I don't feel that way about him, although I wish I did because really he's a great husband. Did you think that when your mojo went?

omond Wed 06-Aug-08 18:04:26

I have tried the alcohol route! It doesn't really work, and he's teetotal, so that doesn't help much either. I have kind of fantasised (am embarassed now!) about other people, just can't about him. What I'm trying to discover, and struggling, is whether this a problem I can solve by turning the way I feel around, or have I fallen out of love irreversibly (if that is a word). In the past I've had loads and loads of 2-3 year relationships and always been the one to end them for the same reason. I dunno, I think we may try counselling because it's a situation that he is finding increasing difficult to live with.

theexmrsfederer Wed 06-Aug-08 18:11:59

Omond, in my situation I found I just lost interest in ALL aspects IYSWIM.

Alcohol doesn't work, it is a depressant.

How old is your dd? Perhaps you are depressed.

Don't be too quick to think you have fallen out of love. Having children changes relationships profoundly. Mine did, but now my kids are growing up, I am finding myself again (sorry if that sounds wanky but its true).

Whatever you do, don't have another baby to try and salvage it or deflect attention away from the problem (speaking from bitter experience here).

luckylady74 Wed 06-Aug-08 18:22:06

I think counselling is a good idea if you both want it - talking in whatever arena is usually helpful. I think managing to have a go on your own, but not being arsed to have sex is not that strange - having kids/working whatever can be so knackering and the easy option is attractive.
I honestly think that if everything else is so good then you have a strong basis to work from. I don't feel the same as I did 12 yrs ago, but then I was a student with nothing but beer and sex to think about! I think you can get it back, but adult time is essential -talking/socialising/whatever you did when you first met.
When did the lack of interest/not fancying start - did it coincide with anything?

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