And re split - the hardest and most distressing part can be just admitting that it's over. As long as you feel you've done everything to try and get things back prior to this, then I am sure you've done the right thing xxx
Thanks all. Especially you Exdpat and MI; you have been with me as I;ve gone back and forth with this and it's been dull for me so thanks for sticking with it.
I am by turns relieved and hopeful for the future, then shit scared and wanting to backtrack. You just have to ride it, I know, and eventually the fear goes..I just have to keep reminding myself of that.
I look at him and remember how it was when it was good and wish we could find ourselves back to that but I know that it's impossible. The positives never win out against the negatives in the long run. we've both disappointed each other in ways and have been by turns unable or unwilling to learn from the mistakes - our timing always off exept for the odd month or so, but I know you can end up wasting a lifetime depending on those little interludes, and what your left with is mostly miserable relationship. A new start will be the best for both of us.
He is moving about 30 miles away and that makes me sad for DS, but we'll get over that. I have a lot of friends here and his family are really supportive also. Good things are starting to happen with my work (I have a tentative interest from The Philosophers Magazine in one of my pieces!) so I have positive things to focus on and work to do - good professional feedback is a great help!
It's just such a shame that while everything else in my life is beginning to thrive this is dead and dying - but maybe theres a connection there, I dunno. Maybe that's given me the strength to say enough is enough. Sorry for the ramble anyway..