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Is it natural for my mum to feel this way?

(7 Posts)
MrsSnape Wed 06-Aug-08 13:19:55

Neither me nor my mum are very happy at the moment and its more or less for the same reasons. She hates where she lives but can't move. I'm the same. They're struggling with money, I'm the same. My sister is in crap school, my kids are too....

Point is I know what I need to do to change things. EVERYTHING wrong in my life stems from me not having a job. I'm stuck in crap area because I don't work, that's also the reason for the crap schools. I never have money because I don't work. I have no social life because I don't work. I feel like I'll never meet anyone because I don't work.

As a result I've been trying desperately to get a job but my mum has not been very supportive. She keeps saying negative things like "What will you do with the kids? Child care will cost a fortune. Even if you do work you won't be able to move because you won't be able to afford it. You're probably better off on benefits" etc etc.

I honestly think its because she knows that if I get a job, I'll get on and will be happy whereas she'll remain the way she is.

Anyway this morning I got a letter inviting me to job interview. I was excited and rang her up to tell her and she went really quiet and just said "oh...where is the job?" I told her and she remained quiet and then said "oh right...nice one....". She obviously wasn't happy about it.

I feel sad in one way, why doesn't she want me to be happy? she's always been the type of person that feels better if other people are as unhappy as she is and she gets jealous very easily but to begrudge your own kid getting on in life?

Or is it natural for her to feel like this when she is so unhappy and see's no way out of it?

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy Wed 06-Aug-08 13:23:51

I'm sure your mum has many wonderful points but she is being a Monger of Doom.
Is it you that has the younger sister, and your parents don't exactly ehlp her make her life easier - she's overweight for one....sorry if that's not you.
Anyhoo, sounds like she's jealous. If you get on and improve your life she'll have to question why she hasn't.

WinkyWinkola Wed 06-Aug-08 13:25:40

Misery loves company I guess. Maybe she's frightened you'll be off and leave her and she can't see a way out for herself? I'm not sure that that is your responsibility mind.

I think you need to ignore what your mum says. Do you see her often? Do you think you could ask her not to say anything unless she has something positive and nice to say?

Good for you for looking for a job. Your life will change a lot once that happens.

Is there any way your mum could get a job too, do you think? Would she enjoy it? Give her some freedom? Maybe you could help her in that respect and she might start being more +ve?

There's a saying: If you do as you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

MrsSnape Wed 06-Aug-08 13:25:55

Hi, yes its me with the sister.

On a positive note she has lost 9lbs with weight watchers but everything else is still as bad as it was.

FabioFridgeFluffFrenzy Wed 06-Aug-08 13:28:52

Well, well done your sister! smile

Is your mum depressed, do you think?

MrsSnape Wed 06-Aug-08 13:35:26

Yes I think she is, definately. I can see why (I would be too with her life) but she chose it and chooses to stay with it...

I'm different, I like to change things, my mum likes everything to stay the same, I think its a wierd kind of security for her.

laidbackinengland Wed 06-Aug-08 13:40:39

Some people are just like this and it can be very restricting. You have managed to see what's going on and what needs to change - so all credit to you. Equip yourself with the proper facts i.e. get an 'in work' benefits calculation from Jobcentre plus to see what you might be entitled to if you do find work.This will enable you to give her facts and figures when she puts forward her 'helpful' doubts. Maybe your mum will follow your good example smile.

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