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DP going on hols with mate when I'm 30 weeks pregnant - reasonable?

(13 Posts)
Jo62 Wed 06-Aug-08 12:05:19

Before I got pregnant, DP had arranged to go away for a couple of weeks on a sports holiday with his best mate. He informed me they'd decided to go rather than asking if it was ok. When I found out I was pregnant (for the first time, we both really wanted it to happen and had been trying for a while), we realised they'd be away when I was 38 weeks pregnant so after me making a bit of a fuss, he did get his mate to move the holiday earlier.

My issues are:
1. he's using 2 weeks of his annual leave with a mate rather than with me just before our first child is born - I'm feeling a bit annoyed that this means we don't get a proper holiday, just a week together in the UK.
2. what if something happens to me/the baby while he's away? They won't have mobile reception for at least a few days of the trip and it would take about 24 hours for him to fly home.
3. what if he has an accident - it's quite an extreme sports holiday and if he comes back with a broken arm or something, it would be pretty awkward.

I see all the awful dilemmas and problems on here and think maybe I'm being too difficult in comparison - everything else is great so should I just stop worrying/getting angry?

moondog Wed 06-Aug-08 12:06:41

Let him go.
It will be useful ammuntition in future. grin

belgo Wed 06-Aug-08 12:07:11

yes, let him go, great bargaining tool.

findtheriver Wed 06-Aug-08 12:09:48

Hmmm tricky. TBH I think he should have discussed the issue of using annual leave. There's nothing wrong about wanting a boys holiday per se, just that when you are married it's a question of communicating, discussing and coming up with something you're happy with.
Re: the pregnancy. I don't think this is too much of an issue. It's highly unlikely that anything will happen at this stage. TBH, even if you werent pregnant, something major could happen at home anyway. So I wouldnt say this is a reason in itself for him not to go. Is it absolutely impossible for him to stay in contact daily? That would ease your mind. There is an element of risk in extreme sports, but again, that's life. It's probably more of a risk long term to try to get him to curtail his activities as then he'll end up resentful.

ronshar Wed 06-Aug-08 12:11:24

At least it is before you have baby and not after. That would be crap.
Take the time to really indulge yourself. Watch all the films you cant watch with him, go to the cinema, catch up with all the friends you havent seen for a while. Eat chocolate, toast and read the paper in bed. Take up the whole bed a get a good night sleep for a change.
Speaking as one who is 31 weeks pregnant I would love the bed to myselfgringrin.

Mostly enjoy being alone because once baby arrives you will never be alone againgrin.

Make sure he contacts you every day, twice a day.

belgo Wed 06-Aug-08 12:13:23

I think it's worth talking to him about holidays in futute years. For instance I've agreed to my dh going away on a week's holiday every year, as long as I get to choose our summer family holiday. It works well because dh loves skiing and adventurous sports and I don't.

Jo62 Wed 06-Aug-08 12:24:15

Thanks everyone, that's really helpful. I'm going online supermarket shopping for chocolate and Amazon for some DVDs right now... on the joint card, obviously!

ronshar Wed 06-Aug-08 13:27:46


cleversprout Wed 06-Aug-08 13:50:17

We had same situation - dh went away for 2 weeks when I was 33 weeks pg with dd3. He had booked and paid for it before I was pg. It was okay - hard work though. Don't worry too much - he will come back if you need him. Also I am now "due" something nice on my own! Honestly, my dh is much easier to live with if I let him off the lead once in a while for a run around. He comes back and realises life is not so bad, really.

Alexa808 Thu 07-Aug-08 02:51:52

I'm 32 weeks and my DH is away for 2 weeks. We live 8000 miles from close friends and family. I am virtually alone.

I the name of peace you should let him go. I think your imagination is in overdrive. Please (for your own sake and baby's), you need to stop worrying. I assume you have family and friends nearby and are in your home country. Let him have this last whiff of freedom wink and you can dazzle being such a great, generous partner to him. Then, once baby is here, he can make it up to you grin

Put your feet up, pig out, watch DVDs, get a cleaner in, relax and let him potter around with his mates.

Good luck with the last few weeks!!

babs10000 Thu 07-Aug-08 03:00:51

I can't believe how easy they all are on's NOT acceptable!

babs10000 Thu 07-Aug-08 03:02:13

but he won't make it up to you - get teh feeling he very successful and you stay at home mum..please chastise me if I'm wrong

babs10000 Thu 07-Aug-08 03:05:43

sorry really don't mean to offend!!

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