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Anyone else have a 'Worker Bee' DP/DH they never see or who is always tired when they do?

(9 Posts)
superflybaby Tue 05-Aug-08 20:43:03

Just wanted to see if anyone else has a DP/DH but never seems to see them, despite living in the same house or when they do see them they are just zombies from working too hard/long?

My DP mainly works 7 days a week, with long hours on shift work as a FLT Driver & I never see him, when I do he is here in body not in mind! I am grateful I have a hardworking guy, but I am starting to worry we are treading water, not enjoying our life together! It is always 'next year things will be different' with him.

Fed up. sad / angry

GordonTheGopher Tue 05-Aug-08 20:44:04

DH was home at 1.30am last night having left the house at 7.30 so I feel your pain.

MissisBoot Tue 05-Aug-08 20:50:22

I could have posted your post - DH also works 7 days on 2 days off - long shifts too with no real pattern to them. He spends his first day off usually catching up on sleep, so that leaves us approx 4 days together a month. Not good. Work have just cancelled his rest days next week so he will be working 17 days without a day off

However - I try not to stress too much about it as hopefully its not going to be forever - am hoping he's going to go for promotion in the next few years.

I do get v fed up though and find that the real challenge for me/us is that when he tries to talk to me about work I just don't want to hear it as I think that his work already takes up enough of our time without him talking about it at home - of course he needs to offload on me - but sometimes I really don't want to hear it.

superflybaby Tue 05-Aug-08 21:09:17

I hate it! The thing I hate most is the feeling of being grounded in my own home as an Adult. My DD is 2.2yo & as DP doesn't come home til 11pm or much later I come home from work with DD from nursery & close the door behind me, knowing if I so much as fancy a bar of chocolate I can't nip out & get one! Let alone having any kind of sodding social life being impossible!!!

I work in an office all day, often by myself, then come home spend all evening by myself, with the cheery thought of a w/e all by myself but with the added bonus of my DD to entertain hmmat the park watching DADS take their kiddies around while Mum no doubt has a bloody lie in (ok, getting bitter now, they probably doing housework) but my imagination runs away with me sometimes.

Sorry, not very cheery.

MissisBoot Tue 05-Aug-08 21:29:20

Tell me about it - I can't even remember the last time I went out in the evening by myself - think it was about 10 months ago - even when i did arrange to meet up with some mn friends dh ended up doing overtime so couldn't even meet up with them.

I can't even remember the last time I had a lie in! I was also working in a job where the majority of time I was working by myself - I'm now starting a new job in september where although I'll be working from home the majority of the time I'll be getting out and about more and having some adult interaction! Am also looking forward to dropping dd at nursery and then being able to head to the gym if I want to!

What pisses me off even more is when friends with mon - fri 9-5 dad moan that their dh is late home - say at 7pm - grrr - I have to really bite my tongue!

Rant away!

TheQueenIsDead Tue 05-Aug-08 21:32:12

DP has a new and stressful job. When he's at home he's on the laptop, working. he spends quality time with the children in the morning before I get up but by 8am he's in full work mode. he gets home late too, after the children have gone to bed, and often works Sundays. I'm hoping things will improve once the pressure's off a bit but when that will be I don't know.

superflybaby Tue 05-Aug-08 21:54:24

Yes MissisBoot that really narks me too.

Or that said 9-5 Dad is 'too tired' at the w/e. wink

Your social life sounds just like mine.

Heres a few; We get asked by family to do something on a Sunday and DP goes 'ooh I don't know if I will be working' I ask when will you know? He says 'oh, I should know by 7pm Saturday night' hmm nice.

Also, the creepy-creepy phonecall that starts 'hey darling, how are you?' follows with 'just letting you know I'm working extra hours til X today' <fume>

What is even worse is he refuses to admit feeling guilty as he says we need the money. I don't think we do, I think he does. But that is another rant!

Job with adult interaction, home working AND prospect of guilt free gym visits - sounds like perfection!
Although the gym is another place I go all by my tod, I do love it... all those sneaky snoozes in the sauna, especially on cold winter mornings... bliss.

MissisBoot Tue 05-Aug-08 22:18:14

Ha ha - DH rarely gets a chance to call me if he's going to be late - Normally he calls a couple of hours later to tell me.

DH 'I'm going to be a little bit later'
Me 'No shit!'

The thing is I know that DH does a really tough job so the last thing he wants is me nagging him when he finally gets home.

We were supposed to be going out next week to friends engagement do - but surprise surprise - shifts have been changed and he's working. I'd rather have dh home and less money. My new job is 5x more money so hopefully dh won't feel so much pressure to do the overtime - however - he works in an environment where you can't just leave when its the end of the shift.

The other thing is I find it really hard to motivate myself to cook properly if its just me - so generally don't bother eating properly or just eat really late.

superflybaby Tue 05-Aug-08 22:36:18

That is a bit more rubbish than my situation, but at least it sounds like he is doing a worthy job. (?) reading tough as worthy.

I don't nag, I just get all bitter & twisted inside, which makes the very few moments we have together quite tense.

I do like cooking, and as I have all evening to myself I do cook up some nice meals, when I can be arsed. Then sit there eating my dinner for one, making appreciative noises & agreeing to myself what a wonderful cook I am... so very, very sad blush

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