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I'm fed up with my inlaws - what do I do????

(6 Posts)
kite Tue 05-Aug-08 18:35:36

I am so fed up with my inlaws, they don't like me. mil has never liked me I was never good enough for her son.
Two members of my family have been very ill this yr and she never contacts me to see how am I coping with it all. We don't live that far from them only 40 mins or so.
They will only ever see my DS when there is a family occasion and we have no connection with them or no back up from any of them if we need help or someone to mind ds.

It is my sil's birthday next wk & today I sent a pressie down with DH for her she had the day off, she took it, thanked him for it & that's it never text me or a bit to say thanks, she knows dh does not do shopping & I had even wrote the card from all of us, it was a lovely present that I got her & now I feel like why the hell did I bother.

I am wondering am I nuts?? What do I do - I am doing these things to keep peace and not have ill feeling but why do I bother anyone got good advise I would really appreciate it sad

gagarin Tue 05-Aug-08 18:47:48

If they thank your dh they have thanked you! I would never excpect a seperate phone call or text. If you wanted a thankyou then you go and give it!

Overmydeadbody Tue 05-Aug-08 18:52:08

What you need to do is not have any expectations about how they should behave or what they should do.

If you have expectations you will always be disappointed as they will never fulfil them. They are individuals who make their own decisions about how to live and what to do.

You can either accept them for who they are or get wound up and upset all the time. Your choice. Either way they will not change.

RubySlippers Tue 05-Aug-08 18:52:15

agree with Gagarin about the thank you

TBH, i think you need to take a step back and accept this is they way things are

they are unlikley to change and you will still be unhappy

i learnt this the hard way with my ILS - their behaviour still rankles occasionally but i can't control them or their behaviour

RubySlippers Tue 05-Aug-08 18:53:02

x post with OMDB

can be a sad and a hard lesson to learn tho

blueskythinker Tue 05-Aug-08 20:36:58

I agree with all the advice about changing the way you think about them, as their behaviour will not change, and it is only making you unhappy.

Having said that, I think this is a very difficult thing to do in practice. I can fully sympathise, my SILs dislike me (and my DH) and I am certain they are also influencing the way in which my MIL views us.

I think you need to try to find a way to completely desensitise yourself to them, as otherwise the slightest thing will annoy you (tbh I wouldn't expect a separate thank-you). Maybe if you tell yourself that they are only individuals who have similar DNA to your DH - the more importance you attach to them, the more power they have over you.

Get on with your own life, focus on your own family unit, and don't expect anything from your ILs.

smile

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