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Pregnant and not wanting to live with partner, please help

(5 Posts)
sketti Tue 05-Aug-08 12:19:14

Im 32 weeks preg and been with dh for 2years.Being the youngest of 4 children myself,my dad died 5 yrs bk, i am the last living at home with my mother.My mother suffers with depression and paranoia and it is prety much left as my responsiblity to look after her as i'm the only one she will talk to.One of my siblings refuses to talk to mum and resents her so theyve cut eachother off, another moved far away and the other has problems with alcohole.im extremely close to my mum, and love her dearly.me being pregnant has put a new light in her life and i want her to be close to my children and look after them when i go back to work and dh can move in until we can afford better.
Since being preg dh is trying to bully me into moving away, and since we cant afford child care and would be too far for mum to get to giving up work.I wouldn't say he doesn't get on with mum, but hes insistant on wanting own space.I tried to comprimise and see if we can live near to home, but he insists we cant afford to live in that area.
we seem to of hit stale mate and keep arguing.ive told him im preg and dont need the stress atm bt he keeps on and on.

fluffyanimal Tue 05-Aug-08 12:24:05

I can completely understand your desire to look after your mum. I can also completely understand your dh's desire for your own space. You'll need it with a baby on the way. Also, are you really thinking objectively when you suggest that if your mum has depression and paranoia and needs that much looking after, she'll be able to look after the baby when you go back to work?

I think you need to find a compromise. There may well be somewhere you can afford in your area. Otherwise, could your mum move near you? How old is she? how much care does she need? You can get NHS nurse visits every day to help out if she needs help with getting up/bathing/meal times etc.

fluffyanimal Tue 05-Aug-08 12:24:46

Sorry - I meant somewhere you can afford in her area.

sketti Tue 05-Aug-08 13:50:32

i dont know i feel like i want to cry, she's young enough still to physicaly look after herself, she wouldn't except help anyway. its her mental state i fear more when she's alone. i prety much listen and council her everyday.shes been a fantastic mother and had to put up with so much in her lifetime, i really dont want her to do something terrible. Im also scared her paranoia will cause her to isolate and cut me off like my sister.She used to talk to my nan, who is very old but wise which used to take alot of pressure off, but round the time i got preg, nan got cancer too.

fluffyanimal Tue 05-Aug-08 14:57:43

You are going to have so much on your plate with your first baby on the way. Do you really need to live with your mum to support her? Can you have regular phone chats? What does your mum's GP say about her mental state - is she on medication, and do you think it helps? It's really good of you to be such a caring daughter but it sounds to me like you're taking on too much. Maybe your husband thinks this and that is why he's being so insistent. You say you're afraid she'll do something terrible - even though she's your mum, is that really someone you'd want to leave your baby with?

I know you must feel torn in your obligations, but I really think you need a more objective perspective on this.

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