This morning my husband woke me up with his alarm clock at about 5.30 and shone a bright light in my eyes and effectively tried to get me to have sex with him ( he calls it a cuddle) and then complained that I never get up with him when he has to go to work in the school holidays and that I should make his sandwiches. I know that he knows that I don't want to have sex with him anymore and I don't know what to do about it. He threatens me by saying that he'll make sure I won't get his pension and if he dies everything will go to the kids - now he's saying I must pay for the upkeep of my rustbucket car - because I don't look after him/am not friendly enough to him. It's probably fair but I just don't want to have sex with him. I am here with two kids look after and he just tries to make me feel guilty that he is working and that it's alright for me and this is the line he takes nearly every single day. what would you do?
you know the answer to your own question. He wakes u up at 5.30 and shines a light into your eyes and trys to get you to have sex? then he threatens you which shows a serious lack of respect and love what would i do? i'd boot him out.
So, effectively your husband uses interrogartion techniques to try to get you to have sex, threatens you with financial implications when you don't, and is incapable of making a sandwich?
He sounds like a twat. Sorry, i'm sure he has lovely qualities somewhere, but he's a bully, and acting like a child.
What would i do? I'd go out all day on the weekend so he can see what it's like to look after 2 kids all day on his own, and on my return i'd sit down with him and tell him calmly that if he unhappy with your sex life, you're willing to have a grown up talk about it. And that he can make his own sandwiches and stick his pension up his arse.
He's seriously strange. What a bizarre, and arrogant, way to behave. Of course, bullying someone is a fantastic way to get them in the mood, isn't it?
He's lying about the pension, btw, it's taken into account during divorce proceedings these days. Armadillo's right, go and find out what you are entitled to - even if you decide to stay in this relationship, it's a good thing to have the facts.
Hello loopylou6 i know what every one is saying but he feels that I show a lack of respect and love for him when i don't want to do it with him and am unfriendly to him when he gets back from work. - even though I am normally busy with putting out tea and kids etc. He get a cooked meal every night so I am looking after him. The problem is he has nowhere to go if he left and I have nowhere to go also as I couldn't leave the kids. He refuses to leave and I don't know what to do.
He wants you to get up with him when he has to get up for work? he is acting like one of your dc, he sounds like an intimidating, controlling, bully, this is not normal behaviour. It's no wonder you don't want sex with him, he hardly had attractive trates in his personality
I've left domestic abuse. I also put up with it for a very long time. Both are quite do able, but only one long-term.
You might be able to create a better relationship by standing up to him. Although it is ALWAYS the abusers fault, I do believe that some pairings of people allow the abuser to function as his abusive self iyswim. They cleverly test the boundaries until they are basically controlling your every move. If they tried this with other people in their lives they wouldn't getaway with it (think boss at work, father, colleagues, sister) and so they are not their abusive selves with these people. I might even go so far as to say that some abusers (subconsciously or otherwise) 'handpick' their relationship victims at the courtship stage.
Anyway,I think you should attempt- perhaps instead of leaving- to stand up to your DH but you REALLY REALLY need to be sure this won't enrage him and put you at risk of physical harm. Try telling him "no" and informing him that you are not on sandwich duty. Say "I'll let you know when I feel like sex" and also get your financial position cleared up and inform him of your rights there too.
If this doesn't see a change in his bullying behaviour then do leave. It's likely to make your life a miseryif you stay.
is there any reason why you are not friendly with him? do you still love him? maybe he is reverting to childish/threatening behaviour because hes desperatly trying toget a reaction out of you? if you do still love him, why not get the children in bed early and have a good talk with him, tell him your problems and ask him his? if however you dont love him anymore then tell him, he will have to sort out a place to live.