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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

'The one' - who believes?

57 replies

beanieb · 04/08/2008 22:02

Idea from another thread...

I have never believed in 'the one', I think it's a weird concept, particularly as most people who do believe in it seem to magically meet 'the one' in their local pub or club! I mean, how fortunate is that?

What do you think?

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warthog · 04/08/2008 22:05

i don't believe it. i think we can make it work with a number of people. as long as your partner isn't abusive and they fulfill your specific criteria, then they fit into 'your crowd'.

ultimately relationships are hard work once the initial love / lust has worn off. what you put in is what you get out.

HumphreyPinCushion · 04/08/2008 22:07

I believe.

TracksuitLover · 04/08/2008 22:08

I don't think there is only one either. It is illogical. If everyone had to find their one in the whole world, it would take too long and the human race would die out! It feels like "the one" each time you fall in love because falling in love is a chemical reaction and addiction - natures way of 'tricking' you and getting you to reproduce.

This is why if you are in a committed relationship you must be careful not to get too close to other men, even too close as friends, in case you accidentally fall in love.

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 04/08/2008 22:08

I never used to..but definatly do now.

beanieb · 04/08/2008 22:08

See. I have friends who keep finding 'the one' but then when the shit hits the fan they give up and find a new 'one', somehow managing to forget that the old one was 'the one'. All seems rediculous to me!

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expatinscotland · 04/08/2008 22:08

not me.

Lio · 04/08/2008 22:09

I absolutely don't believe in 'the one'. I'm pretty sceptical about god, but 'the one' seems even more unlikely.

Overmydeadbody · 04/08/2008 22:10

I don't.

beanieb · 04/08/2008 22:10

oooh - that was in response to tracksuitlover.

I can kind of understand not believing but then finding the one, maybe...

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VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/08/2008 22:10

Me.

BUT

I dont think it's the only route to life-lasting love and companionship.
I think that it's perfectly plausable for love to grow and develop over a period of time. I certainly feel that my relationship has deepened and solidified as time has gone on, even though I knew he was the one when we started dating.

onepieceoflollipop · 04/08/2008 22:11

I would like to believe it (romantically it sounds good) but I don't really believe it.

onlyjoking9329 · 04/08/2008 22:12

i believe.

DisenchantedPlusBump · 04/08/2008 22:12

Me

Met him age 3 in nursery, moved school, met him again in High School at 11, spent 3 years in love with him, he asked me out age 15 and been together since

Flightputsonahat · 04/08/2008 22:13

I used to, in a naive way. It never happened - well, Ok, so it did and he was, I mean he really, really was but he left and now I think he was a shit

beanieb · 04/08/2008 22:14

interesting. I said this to my OH the other day and he seemed pretty pissed off, but then I don't even believe he believes in it. be we shoúld treat people like they are the one while we are with them.

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beanieb · 04/08/2008 22:15

AW - Flightputsonahat, that's kind of sad but funny.

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charliecat · 04/08/2008 22:15

I believe to a certain extent.
I think.

Ambi · 04/08/2008 22:15

I don't, I think human relationships are more complicated than finding one person to match you. DH is my soulmate, but it would be odd to think that he is my only soulmate in the world.

Flightputsonahat · 04/08/2008 22:18

Thanks Beanie, I was trying to be funny really...it is sad too though.

yellowvan · 04/08/2008 22:29

But you can't make yourself love someone can you (and I've been trying,...) even someone who you know is basically good and basically like you, and to all intents and purposes you should love them.

And then there is "the one", who may be totally "unsuitable", unable to commit or have the type of relationship you want to have with them, but you just cannot fight those feelings

You cannot choose who you fall in love with (more's the pity, wouldn't life be so much easier)

So yes, I (reluctantly) agree with "the one"

Overmydeadbody · 04/08/2008 23:11

yellowvan your argument just doesn't hold.

We are all capable of falling in love withmore than one person and loving more than one person.

beanieb · 04/08/2008 23:13

how many people married the 'one'?

how many people divorce the 'one'

I guess the trick is being able just love?

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Overmydeadbody · 04/08/2008 23:14

I think there are lots of potential 'the one' partners out there, each just as capable as the next of being 'the one' in our eyes, be it for a few weeks, a few years or our hole lives.

solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 23:19

Nope. It's a con. The really sad thing is that it's usually the most inadequate monogamy obsessives who fall for the concept, and dump one partner after another because each time they get a commotion in their underwear they think that the new person is 'The One' and that pursuit of (or being with) The One justifies treating everyone else with complete callousness. Also, people sometimes convince themselves that an individual is The One for them when said individual actually doesn't want anything to do with them, and finds the romantic declarations not so much romantic, more like stalking and something that needs an injunction taking out.
If you want a committed couple relationship, there are plenty of people out there who are (from your POV whoever you are) attractive, available and generally acceptable human beings. Whichever one is nearest when your mind/body hit that point of wanting to pairbond is the one you will get, and there is nothing wrong with that (if it's what you want).

beanieb · 04/08/2008 23:21

well said Solidgoldbrass

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