Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

'The one' - who believes?

(58 Posts)
beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 22:02:15

Idea from another thread...

I have never believed in 'the one', I think it's a weird concept, particularly as most people who do believe in it seem to magically meet 'the one' in their local pub or club! I mean, how fortunate is that?

What do you think?

warthog Mon 04-Aug-08 22:05:24

i don't believe it. i think we can make it work with a number of people. as long as your partner isn't abusive and they fulfill your specific criteria, then they fit into 'your crowd'.

ultimately relationships are hard work once the initial love / lust has worn off. what you put in is what you get out.

HumphreyPinCushion Mon 04-Aug-08 22:07:29

I believe.

TracksuitLover Mon 04-Aug-08 22:08:07

I don't think there is only one either. It is illogical. If everyone had to find their one in the whole world, it would take too long and the human race would die out! It feels like "the one" each time you fall in love because falling in love is a chemical reaction and addiction - natures way of 'tricking' you and getting you to reproduce.

This is why if you are in a committed relationship you must be careful not to get too close to other men, even too close as friends, in case you accidentally fall in love.

SpandexIsMyEnemy Mon 04-Aug-08 22:08:17

I never used to..but definatly do now.

beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 22:08:47

See. I have friends who keep finding 'the one' but then when the shit hits the fan they give up and find a new 'one', somehow managing to forget that the old one was 'the one'. All seems rediculous to me!

expatinscotland Mon 04-Aug-08 22:08:56

not me.

Lio Mon 04-Aug-08 22:09:15

I absolutely don't believe in 'the one'. I'm pretty sceptical about god, but 'the one' seems even more unlikely.

Overmydeadbody Mon 04-Aug-08 22:10:13

I don't.

beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 22:10:20

oooh - that was in response to tracksuitlover.

I can kind of understand not believing but then finding the one, maybe...

VeniVidiVickiQV Mon 04-Aug-08 22:10:56



I dont think it's the only route to life-lasting love and companionship.
I think that it's perfectly plausable for love to grow and develop over a period of time. I certainly feel that my relationship has deepened and solidified as time has gone on, even though I knew he was the one when we started dating.

onepieceoflollipop Mon 04-Aug-08 22:11:12

I would like to believe it (romantically it sounds good) but I don't really believe it.

onlyjoking9329 Mon 04-Aug-08 22:12:27

i believe.

DisenchantedPlusBump Mon 04-Aug-08 22:12:46


Met him age 3 in nursery, moved school, met him again in High School at 11, spent 3 years in love with him, he asked me out age 15 and been together since

Flightputsonahat Mon 04-Aug-08 22:13:39

I used to, in a naive way. It never happened - well, Ok, so it did and he was, I mean he really, really was but he left and now I think he was a shit smile

beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 22:14:02

interesting. I said this to my OH the other day and he seemed pretty pissed off, but then I don't even believe he believes in it. be we shoúld treat people like they are the one while we are with them.

beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 22:15:03

AW - Flightputsonahat, that's kind of sad but funny.

charliecat Mon 04-Aug-08 22:15:09

I believe to a certain extent.
I think.

Ambi Mon 04-Aug-08 22:15:44

I don't, I think human relationships are more complicated than finding one person to match you. DH is my soulmate, but it would be odd to think that he is my only soulmate in the world.

Flightputsonahat Mon 04-Aug-08 22:18:06

Thanks Beanie, I was trying to be funny is sad too though. smile

yellowvan Mon 04-Aug-08 22:29:13

But you can't make yourself love someone can you (and I've been trying,...) even someone who you know is basically good and basically like you, and to all intents and purposes you should love them.

And then there is "the one", who may be totally "unsuitable", unable to commit or have the type of relationship you want to have with them, but you just cannot fight those feelings

You cannot choose who you fall in love with (more's the pity, wouldn't life be so much easier)

So yes, I (reluctantly) agree with "the one"

Overmydeadbody Mon 04-Aug-08 23:11:04

yellowvan your argument just doesn't hold.

We are all capable of falling in love withmore than one person and loving more than one person.

beanieb Mon 04-Aug-08 23:13:54

how many people married the 'one'?

how many people divorce the 'one'

I guess the trick is being able just love?

Overmydeadbody Mon 04-Aug-08 23:14:05

I think there are lots of potential 'the one' partners out there, each just as capable as the next of being 'the one' in our eyes, be it for a few weeks, a few years or our hole lives.

solidgoldbrass Mon 04-Aug-08 23:19:06

Nope. It's a con. The really sad thing is that it's usually the most inadequate monogamy obsessives who fall for the concept, and dump one partner after another because each time they get a commotion in their underwear they think that the new person is 'The One' and that pursuit of (or being with) The One justifies treating everyone else with complete callousness. Also, people sometimes convince themselves that an individual is The One for them when said individual actually doesn't want anything to do with them, and finds the romantic declarations not so much romantic, more like stalking and something that needs an injunction taking out.
If you want a committed couple relationship, there are plenty of people out there who are (from your POV whoever you are) attractive, available and generally acceptable human beings. Whichever one is nearest when your mind/body hit that point of wanting to pairbond is the one you will get, and there is nothing wrong with that (if it's what you want).

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: