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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Husband left - advice and help wanted

48 replies

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 17:35

I have posted before when my h decided he was bored of our relationship and left (2 months ago) We have a dd 2 and the whole situation came as a massive shock to me and i was totally devastated - he came home 2 weeks later and we started councelling. it is our wedding anniversary tomorrow (3yrs) and we are due to go on holiday saturday with another couple and their ds - He was very quiet this weekend and after leaving to go to work this morning i noticed a text on my mobile from him saying sorry, but he wasn't happy and he didn't want to go on holiday with us and that it had been playing on his mind all weekend. I was so angry, hurt that I was shaking I went upstairs and noticed he had packed all his bathroom bits ready to go!! - I called him and basically told him how could he do this to me and DD who is so looking forward to going on her holiday with her mummy and daddy - he just said nothing (which he always does) I can't believe that he couldn't of spoken to me at the weekend and that our 6 year relationship and 3 year marriage has been ended by text - I have bagged all his clothes, shoes etc and my mum has them for him to collect. He cried on the phone and then put the phone down on me and that was the end of that. I told him his stuff was with my mum and he just said ok. I have heard nothing from him all day! I just feel so hurt, betrayed and very angry! This time 3 years ago I was the happiest person in the world now I feel my heart has been broken and have no idea how to move on!! any advice x

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takingitasitcomes · 04/08/2008 17:45

Too soon to move on Juliec - give yourself time to grieve. Betrayal like that hurts more than words can say, but it does lessen with time, but you can't rush it. I have no magic advice, just sincere sympathy and sorrow that you are having to go through this.

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 17:49

Thank you x - just have no idea how what i supposed to do now - Don't want to give up on our marriage, but feel so betrayed by him and not sure I could ever forgive him for not having the guts to speak to me about this and sending a cold text! scared of being on my own

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juliec26 · 04/08/2008 17:49

Thank you x - just have no idea how what i supposed to do now - Don't want to give up on our marriage, but feel so betrayed by him and not sure I could ever forgive him for not having the guts to speak to me about this and sending a cold text! scared of being on my own

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MamaGLovesMe · 04/08/2008 17:51

As far as I can see the text says he doesn't want to go on holiday with you. It doesn't say the marriage is over.

MrsMattie · 04/08/2008 17:52

What a selfish twat.

Are you still going to counselling?

laura325630 · 04/08/2008 17:56

Go on the holiday with your dd and have a great time. It will do you good to get away. Maybe your dh needs some space to realise just what he is giving up. I hope it turns out ok for you xx

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 17:57

Still been going to counselling, but H has cancelled last 2 sessions, we go once a week - He hates it and always wants to cancel it - i agree MGLM that his text said he didn't want to go on holiday, but when I found he had packed all his stuff and got his passport out I knew he was leaving - I have checked our DD savings account and it is 3k missing!!!

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savoycabbage · 04/08/2008 17:57

This is an awful thing to have happened Julie and in such a shitty way too. It is incredible that someone you have been with for such a long time and had a child with could do this to you.

Bastard.

MamaGLovesMe · 04/08/2008 18:01

He has taken his daughter's money?

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 18:04

yep!!! I checked the account that is our joint names and 3k has gone - It was him who was saving it for her, but still feel sick that he has used that for something that I have no idea about! - feel like I don't know him anymore as the man I feel in love with would never have just got up and left! and how he could do it to our dd just leaves me speechless!

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MamaGLovesMe · 04/08/2008 18:07

Contact the bank and put a block on any withdrawals from the accounts.

beanieb · 04/08/2008 18:10

ha s he left any other money in the account or any other account? phone the bank and get them to stop the accounts perhaps?

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 18:18

i have transfer the remaining 2.5k into my account and we do have a joint current account which I will be sorting tomorrow - He has lots of property so he is not poor! but I also got made redundant 2 weeks ago so doesn't rain it pours!!

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MamaGLovesMe · 04/08/2008 18:20

Do it online.

lizziemun · 04/08/2008 18:22

Would you phone him and ask him why he has stolen his daughter savings.

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 18:25

would do - but just don't feel ready to speak to him and so hurt - still in shock!

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forevercleaning · 04/08/2008 18:31

send him a text asking what has happened to his daughters money. You don't have to speak to him.

so sorry to hear what has happened though. perhaps he needs space and will come to his sodding senses after a break, and realises what he is losing.

Dont chase him at all, let him go. as men dont' like women chasing after them, and they don't like it even more if you go silent on him.

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:09

I am going to look forward to my holiday and concentrate on my DD and not speak to him as he expected me to cry and beg him back and I didn't!! like you say forevercleaning they hate it when you go silent!! will my wedding anniversary with my DD! X

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forevercleaning · 04/08/2008 19:19

good for you - bet he doesnt' expect you to be still going on the holiday, so that is shock number 1.

Hope you have some fun with your DD

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:22

no bet he doesn't!! but I think I am going to need a holiday by the end of the week!! just don't want my DD to become anxious or have any negative effects as she is the most important thing in my life! x

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MatNanPlus · 04/08/2008 19:24

Before you go away from home is your housing in joint names?

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:31

yes it is? was thinking of changing the locks? but dont think i legally can so was going to say I'd lost them as I don't want him gaining access to the house whilst I am away!

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MatNanPlus · 04/08/2008 19:35

Yes, don't believe you can change them and not give him new keys

Your mum on the other hand could do it whilst your away on the premise that she lost her set of keys to your house while out in town and they had your address on them weak i know.

Only other thing i can think of is if you could have mate(s) staying over to provide 24hr in house security?

forevercleaning · 04/08/2008 19:35

where are you off to for your hols?

juliec26 · 04/08/2008 19:39

off to spain for a week was looking forward to a "family holiday' but guess I have to use the holiday as a relaxing break I am going with my best friend and her DP and their DS i know they love me and will look after me and DD - Re: the locks god plan MNP will get my mum to sort it whilst away! still not heard from him which has shocked me somewhat!

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