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Relationships

Would appreciate some advice re my very high maintenance friend

15 replies

yorkshirepudding · 04/08/2008 15:16

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JumpingDizzy · 04/08/2008 15:20

stop feeling like a right shit bitch this instant!!

You're being sucked dry of all your energy by your selfish friend who needs to grow up.

Tell her as tactfully as you feel necessary, writer her a letter...just do whatever feels right but don't put up with this.

How old is she?

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yorkshirepudding · 04/08/2008 15:30

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solidgoldbrass · 04/08/2008 15:34

Well she has used up all your sympathy and goodwill by draining you for years. It's not your fault that her relative is ill and there is nothing you can do about it. Be calm and nice but don't do more in the way of support than you feel comfortable with. She will be all right, whiny self-obsessed drama queens always have someone else to move on to and suck dry.

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ChirpyGirl · 04/08/2008 15:54

I had a friend like this, we lived togather for years at uni, and event hough I ahd been with my (now) DH for 2 years at this point she still had massive goes at me for putting him first when he came to stay as she was my friend and friends always came first.
After many attempts to stay in touch I finally hit last straw and just stopped answering calls/texts. A mutual friedn explained why I wasn't talking to her (was one incidient that brough it to a head) and that was that. I do miss her sometimes but it's just easier for me not to have her in my life.

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dollius · 04/08/2008 16:01

Funny thing, Chirpy. I had a friend like this too - we also lived together at uni. It came to a head when I had the temerity to get pregnant and she became completely bonkers. Clearly because she knew my attention could no longer be solely on her. It all went pear-shaped when she started insisting on ever more impossible commitments from me to prove my friendship - and also after many attempts to stay in touch, I finally gave up too. I also miss her sometimes, but it is definitely easier not to have her in my life.
So Yorkshire, you may have to accept that the friendship is doomed - you are not children anymore, you have responsibilities of your own and your own life - you can't look after her as well. It's totally unreasonable of her to expect it.

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JumpingDizzy · 04/08/2008 16:05

So YL you feeling any less guilty?

These types have a way of making you feel like this. At least you've realised though.

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JumpingDizzy · 04/08/2008 16:06

Sorry meant YP for yorkshirepudding.

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booge · 04/08/2008 16:10

I have a friend like this, we are on a break... by that I mean she doesn't need me at the moment so I am having some respite. I think I've had enough too.

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shirleyghostman · 04/08/2008 16:14

I too had a friend like this. Seriously your friend will drain your brain - bin her!

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prettyfly1 · 04/08/2008 17:36

metoo - this girl was lovely but had realpossession issues andby the end i had just had enough of it all. i still miss her sometimes but not the grief, thee twenty four hour calls etc

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Alexa808 · 04/08/2008 17:52

I had a friend like this. On top of clinging on to me for dear life she was also jealous and loved kicking me when I was down. Money, boys, travels. When something was lacking in my life she was the first to point it out and gloat. I was already living abroad. I changed my mobile. I blackmarked her email addresses. I cut her out of my life.

When someone is using and draining you like this, you have very little choice before you explode right into their selfish faces. I suggest you don't answer 90% of calls and become more elusive. Say that you're sorry about what's happening but you don't know what else to say and you gotta go because DP has just come home, the kids need tea, you have to pick something up, etc. Find excuses if you don't want to be straight with her. She'll (hopefully) get tired of chasing you and get the message.

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BingleJells · 04/08/2008 18:12

You are not solely responsible for her, Yorkshire Pud. Has she got any other friends she can offload her problems onto or has she driven them all away with her selfish behaviour? I think you have to back off for your own sanity because she's going to bleed you dry. People like this (and there seem to be a lot of them about) are narcissistic and selfish. If you find some info about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you'll find that your "friend" fits the description perfectly.

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AddictedToMyEarplugs · 04/08/2008 18:18

I too had a friend like this who I rather cowardly binned by not answering her texts and calls. I also moved about 50 miles away from her which helped .
It becomes far too draining to deal with along with everything else going on in life. Sorry, but the end is nigh I fear!

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OurHamsterisevil · 04/08/2008 18:39

She is waht my friends and I would call a toxic friend. She is no good for you. You are her friend, but she is not yours IYSWIM. Does she listen to your worries, help you out?

Dump her and don't feel bad. I know its a shame after such a long time of knowing each other, but there really is no point in continuing

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ChirpyGirl · 04/08/2008 20:07

Do you know what, I have felt bad about this for years, especially as we still have mutual friends and have similarly aged kids etc etc but having seen how common it is I feel a bit better!

I say just either avoid her or text/write to her to explain that you can't be around for ehr to dump on/whatever. As you can see here, you are not the first person to have had it with a 'friend' like this and I am sure you won't be the last!

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