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Would appreciate some advice re my very high maintenance friend

(16 Posts)
yorkshirepudding Mon 04-Aug-08 15:16:22

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JumpingDizzy Mon 04-Aug-08 15:20:00

stop feeling like a right shit bitch this instant!!

You're being sucked dry of all your energy by your selfish friend who needs to grow up.

Tell her as tactfully as you feel necessary, writer her a letter...just do whatever feels right but don't put up with this.

How old is she?

yorkshirepudding Mon 04-Aug-08 15:30:48

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solidgoldbrass Mon 04-Aug-08 15:34:11

Well she has used up all your sympathy and goodwill by draining you for years. It's not your fault that her relative is ill and there is nothing you can do about it. Be calm and nice but don't do more in the way of support than you feel comfortable with. She will be all right, whiny self-obsessed drama queens always have someone else to move on to and suck dry.

ChirpyGirl Mon 04-Aug-08 15:54:13

I had a friend like this, we lived togather for years at uni, and event hough I ahd been with my (now) DH for 2 years at this point she still had massive goes at me for putting him first when he came to stay as she was my friend and friends always came first.
After many attempts to stay in touch I finally hit last straw and just stopped answering calls/texts. A mutual friedn explained why I wasn't talking to her (was one incidient that brough it to a head) and that was that. I do miss her sometimes but it's just easier for me not to have her in my life.

dollius Mon 04-Aug-08 16:01:28

Funny thing, Chirpy. I had a friend like this too - we also lived together at uni. It came to a head when I had the temerity to get pregnant and she became completely bonkers. Clearly because she knew my attention could no longer be solely on her. It all went pear-shaped when she started insisting on ever more impossible commitments from me to prove my friendship - and also after many attempts to stay in touch, I finally gave up too. I also miss her sometimes, but it is definitely easier not to have her in my life.
So Yorkshire, you may have to accept that the friendship is doomed - you are not children anymore, you have responsibilities of your own and your own life - you can't look after her as well. It's totally unreasonable of her to expect it.

JumpingDizzy Mon 04-Aug-08 16:05:25

So YL you feeling any less guilty? wink

These types have a way of making you feel like this. At least you've realised though.

JumpingDizzy Mon 04-Aug-08 16:06:01

Sorry meant YP for yorkshirepudding.

booge Mon 04-Aug-08 16:10:22

I have a friend like this, we are on a break... by that I mean she doesn't need me at the moment so I am having some respite. I think I've had enough too.

shirleyghostman Mon 04-Aug-08 16:14:52

I too had a friend like this. Seriously your friend will drain your brain - bin her!

prettyfly1 Mon 04-Aug-08 17:36:06

metoo - this girl was lovely but had realpossession issues andby the end i had just had enough of it all. i still miss her sometimes but not the grief, thee twenty four hour calls etc

Alexa808 Mon 04-Aug-08 17:52:16

I had a friend like this. On top of clinging on to me for dear life she was also jealous and loved kicking me when I was down. Money, boys, travels. When something was lacking in my life she was the first to point it out and gloat. I was already living abroad. I changed my mobile. I blackmarked her email addresses. I cut her out of my life.

When someone is using and draining you like this, you have very little choice before you explode right into their selfish faces. I suggest you don't answer 90% of calls and become more elusive. Say that you're sorry about what's happening but you don't know what else to say and you gotta go because DP has just come home, the kids need tea, you have to pick something up, etc. Find excuses if you don't want to be straight with her. She'll (hopefully) get tired of chasing you and get the message.

BingleJells Mon 04-Aug-08 18:12:18

You are not solely responsible for her, Yorkshire Pud. Has she got any other friends she can offload her problems onto or has she driven them all away with her selfish behaviour? I think you have to back off for your own sanity because she's going to bleed you dry. People like this (and there seem to be a lot of them about) are narcissistic and selfish. If you find some info about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), you'll find that your "friend" fits the description perfectly.

AddictedToMyEarplugs Mon 04-Aug-08 18:18:52

I too had a friend like this who I rather cowardly binned by not answering her texts and calls. I also moved about 50 miles away from her which helped grin.
It becomes far too draining to deal with along with everything else going on in life. Sorry, but the end is nigh I fear!

OurHamsterisevil Mon 04-Aug-08 18:39:48

She is waht my friends and I would call a toxic friend. She is no good for you. You are her friend, but she is not yours IYSWIM. Does she listen to your worries, help you out?

Dump her and don't feel bad. I know its a shame after such a long time of knowing each other, but there really is no point in continuing

ChirpyGirl Mon 04-Aug-08 20:07:27

Do you know what, I have felt bad about this for years, especially as we still have mutual friends and have similarly aged kids etc etc but having seen how common it is I feel a bit better!

I say just either avoid her or text/write to her to explain that you can't be around for ehr to dump on/whatever. As you can see here, you are not the first person to have had it with a 'friend' like this and I am sure you won't be the last!

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