dh left me for ow a couple of months ago. our marriage was not in a good state (he was incredibly selfish after ds was born, and I put up with a lot of crap, but got quite controlling in my fight for the 'family'), and tbh I was ready to leave him too, but wanted to give it a last try.
I was gutted, but sorted my head out quite quickly, and got to the point where I was moving on (albeit with blips of feeling down / angry). I honestly got to where I felt I could carry on without him.
But, now he has come to his senses. He says he regrets what he did, feels ashamed, realises how important we are, is terrified of losing us forever, and will do whatever I want to make up to me. He was crying as he told me this, and in the 14 years we have been together he has cried once. He has def finished with ow, and she has disappeared completely.
I am not sure he is what I want, and need time out, but I do know I want to be his friend. After 14 years together, I dont want to say never, but I so hurt, my trust in him is shattered, I dont know I will ever get over this. And I am not sure at the moment how much i want to try. I made plans for my future, and would still like to see some of those through.
He says he will get counselling - he does have major issues to do with his own childhood, which I think are the root of what happened. But I need him to change really - I need someone strong, responsible, reliable, which in the past couple of years (since ds) he hasnt been. He says he can change and wants to be a person that I need and want to have in my life. I dont know if people can change.
At the moment we are friends, for ds sake, adn because we still get on really well. I really care for him, and understand good people do bad things. But I want someone I am PROUD to introduce to my friends and family, and after what he put me through, I feel I would hang my head in shame.
But I keep looking at the post affair threads on here, so that tells me something. And I keep checking my phone to see if he has texted me, and I look forward to his seeing ds, so I can see him too. But how can I ensure I get what I NEED and WANT, and am not going to get hurt again?
So where do we go from here? Any advice would be welcome.
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
another post affair thread....
ratbunny · 04/08/2008 13:31
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