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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I'm not letting my DDs visit their grandparents because their house is a fleapit!

18 replies

Ripeberry · 04/08/2008 12:57

And i'm not joking! We visited last week and they seem to have a major flea infestation.
They have a dog and two very elderly skin and bone cats (aged 18yrs) and they let them sit on the dinning room table and you can see the flea eggs and droppings everywhere!
My DDs aged 6yrs and 3yrs were bitten really badly and at one stage my 3yr old had 20 fleas on her legs!!
They are refusing to do anything about it because "we don't get bitten".
So basically i've had enough and i'm not going to visit anymore.
Especially as i brought them some flea bombs and some spot-on from the vets for the cats and the dog and i treated them a few days ago.
And now my Mum rings up to say that i've killed one of their cats by treating it.
They haven't found a body, but of course it must be my fault!
Just had enough of them. I have to spend over £20 in petrol and toll fare (they are in Wales) every time i visit.
My Mum has dementia (of a sort) but seems quite ok if she wants to have a go at you, my dad lets her smoke herself to death (literally).
He gives her over 100 cigs a day and they keep dog ends in the bathroom.
When i went last week, decided to clean it up and found a 2 foot pile of ash! behind the cistern! and then they had a go at me for cleaning it up!
I bring the children over to visit them but it's a waste of time as my mum has no interest and my dad is just too exghausted.
Fed up that they have to live like this but refuse to have any help so i'm staying away for the sake of my children's health!

OP posts:

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moondog · 04/08/2008 12:59

I don't blame you!
Sounds like they need professional help.

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 04/08/2008 13:01

Oh god, sounds like a horrible situation which goes a lot deeper than just fleas- can't blame you for keeping your kids away. And if they aren't that bothered well, neither should you be.

Do you have any other family who visit them? sounds like they could do with a carer or some kind of outside help.

LittleMissNorty · 04/08/2008 13:01

Eeewww....don't blame you....even if the animals are treated now, it will take a lot of hard work to shift the infestation....it only happened to me once and I used indorex (from the vets) on EVERYTHING.

Quite story really.....perhaps have them come and stay with you once in a while....my MIL is always better on MY territory and I make her smoke outside!

batters · 04/08/2008 13:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shannaratiger · 04/08/2008 13:02

Sounds fair. You have to put your dc's health and safety first.
Yes it's very sad thta they can't go and visit their grandparents, but if your M&D can't be bothered t omake their house safe for children then they don't deserve to have them visit.

belgo · 04/08/2008 13:02

I would also keep my children away. How much do you think their helth is effecting how they live and how they are coping with thier animals?

It does sound like they need professional help, and I would also be worried about the helath of the dog and cats having so many fleas.

NotQuiteCockney · 04/08/2008 13:06

Staying away sounds sensible - it doesn't sound like there's any point to bringing them there.

Oh, odds are the fleas are biting your parents, but they aren't coming up in a reaction to it.

RhinestoneCowgirl · 04/08/2008 13:07

Yes they do need help, however know from my mum's experience with gran that it's not always easy to get people to accept it...

There's messy houses and then there's health hazards and this def sounds like the latter.

Ripeberry · 04/08/2008 13:14

Thanks, for your replies. They have been offered professional help but they have refused.
The problem is that my Dad is very independent and does not like outsiders, he has never had any decorators or professionals in the house as he's done all the DIY himself.
Two years ago they had problems with the landing light and it fused, he put in a new fuse and it kept blowing, so they have not bothered to get it mended and just use torches and lamps upstairs (only the lighting circuit involved), but it's not healthy or safe!
Nurses come every week to check on my mum and they MUST have noticed the fleas but they never say anything.
My parents can't visit us as my mum refuses to be in a car for more than half and hour and gets quite violent so not very safe to be on the motorway and also i don't really want her smoking in my house.
My grandmorther who will be 85yrs old this year wants to visit her son (my dad) but i'm really worried about it as the state of the house may really upset her.
She has not seen him for almost 2yrs as he can't get away that often and my mum gets violent with anyone else who stays with her.
To be honest i wish she would get sick and go into hospital for a bit but she is very strong and healthy and always has been.
My brother could help more but chooses not to, he only lives 15 min walk away and does not work.
I'm just fed up of having to worry about them all the time! My DH just says leave them alone, but i feel responsible because i'm the eldest child and must help.
Just so terrified of something happening to my Dad, because there is no way on earth that i'm having her in my house!

OP posts:

belgo · 04/08/2008 13:17

Have you spoken to the nurses who visit her? You can phone them up and maybe even ask for a meeting with them to explain your concerns.

OrmIrian · 04/08/2008 13:20

It's not good! We're inundated with them atm. Cat died about a month ago and she was so ill at the end I didn't want to frontline her. So we have hundred of eggs that keep hatching. I've sprayed and hoovered a million times but the little beggars are still there. What's the best stuff to use - never had them this bad before.

Ripeberry · 04/08/2008 13:21

If it was that simple! They are usually different nurses each time, they just come to give her a anti-phycotic injection to keep her "docile".
Just not a way to live.

OP posts:

belgo · 04/08/2008 13:23

Ripeberry - there should still be a nurse who is officially in charge of your mother, and you can ask to speak to her.

SiennaMillerLovesBotoxFiller · 04/08/2008 13:24

Oh that is so gross.

LittleMissNorty · 04/08/2008 13:25

Oh Ripeberry, that is so ....Your brother sounds like he needs a kick up the backside....its not fair to dump it all on you.

What about social services? Age concern?

LittleMissNorty · 04/08/2008 13:26

btw OrmIrian get Indorex from the vets.....for carpets and furniture

OrmIrian · 04/08/2008 13:29

THanks. I'll try that, littlemissn

Seabright · 04/08/2008 13:54

What about agreeing to meet them on "neutral" territory? Is there a nice park somewhere between the two of you where you could meet for a picnic?

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