Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I be cross if DH went to lap dancing club?

(861 Posts)
ActingNormal Sun 03-Aug-08 21:49:27

...and spent £60 on private dances (we aren't poor and he doesn't spend money on much that is frivolous).

Other people seem to think I should be cross but I can't see it. Am I being a mug? Is it a sign of disrespect?

He got a bit of female attention outside the marriage. He was consenting. They were consenting. I knew he was going there. There doesn't seem like there is a risk of him forming a relationship with the women but if a woman behaved that way with him in a regular nightclub that seems more of a threat to me.

He came home horny as hell grin and seemed like he had a good break from the stress of his job.

FluffyMummy123 Sun 03-Aug-08 21:49:52

Message withdrawn

LuckySalem Sun 03-Aug-08 21:50:41

No!! I'm trying to persuade DP to take me to one cos I wanna see what all the fuss is. grin

He says he went to one once and cos you can't touch any of the girls its just boring and isn't interested in going again.

DontNeedAnything Sun 03-Aug-08 21:51:06

If he did it on the Sly I would be worried....but otherwise no.

He is not hiding something.

There can be no relationship; it is a job for the dancers. As you said it would be very different if it was a random woman/girl in a nightclub.

Quattrocento Sun 03-Aug-08 21:51:24

Not with you on this one - there is nothing good about an industry which objectifies women imo. Not to mention general grounds of good taste and all that.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 03-Aug-08 21:51:29

no i wouldnt be mad but then i used to work as dancer so i know excatly what goes on and what doesnt. a lot of people seem to think that there is touching etc invlolved and that offered the right amount of money the dancer would take it further whcih 9 times out of ten is a load of balls!

its all just a bit of no strings fun.

DontNeedAnything Sun 03-Aug-08 21:51:37

Oh and it sounds as though you got something out of it wink

solidgoldbrass Sun 03-Aug-08 21:52:36

Why worry about what other people think you should feel? This is between you and your DH and if you are OK with it then why try to make yourself make something of it? People have very different boundaries as to what is and is not acceptable within relationships, but the only people who you need to discuss and/or justify your own personal boundaries with are the people you are actually having relationships with.

CaptFabioHiltsCatInTheCooler Sun 03-Aug-08 21:52:52

If you're not cross, you're not cross.
Don't try to be, unless you want a row.

itsMYmummy Sun 03-Aug-08 21:53:15

If you don't feel upset than who are we to say you should, whats normal within the perimiters of one marriage is twisted within another. Enjoy the 'knock on' effects wink

lazyemma Sun 03-Aug-08 21:53:43

You don't seem cross - you seem quite comfortable and OK with it, which is what matters surely.

From that it sounds like you are happy, he's happy and no harm has been done, so no problem.

I would have struggled to cope with that but you are evidently very secure in your relationship and so well done to you

solidgoldbrass Sun 03-Aug-08 21:55:27

Quattrocento: I think there are advantages to an industry in which women can make good money for working shorter hours than they might have to do in other jobs. No industry is free from bad employers and unhealthy or unsafe working practices but there are plenty of women working in these clubs of their own free will who do not perceive themselves as victims and and find the work perfectly acceptable.

ButterflyMcQueen Sun 03-Aug-08 21:56:00

horses for courses

I would be cross but then its very un mumsnet to state your dp only arouses to his dps form

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 03-Aug-08 21:57:43

i wasnt a victim of anyone i loved my job and made damn good money doing it! all i need now is to lose my baby weight and ill be back at! this time i want a caravan in flamingo land and hopefully a good amount of savings behind me before i am too old! i didnt feel objectified either.

ivykaty44 Sun 03-Aug-08 22:02:25

The others that feel you should be cross - do their dp come home and tell them where they have been and what they saw? Are there dp honest with them.

No I have been in a lap dancing club and its quite an experiance, I wouldn't be worried in your shoes

FluffyMummy123 Sun 03-Aug-08 22:03:24

Message withdrawn

dittany Sun 03-Aug-08 22:05:46

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuckySalem Sun 03-Aug-08 22:08:38

dittany? Thats not a very fair statement. The woman normally don't strip naked its just breasts and their normally not allowed to touch (either the client to dancer or vice versa)

You can't really compare what the OP was and what you said. Or I can't see the similarities anyway.

ActingNormal Sun 03-Aug-08 22:09:56

Dittany, DH didn't seem totally sure he wouldn't mind! He said he would be more cross if I did it and kept it secret though.

psychomum5 Sun 03-Aug-08 22:11:01

if you are not cross, don;t be cross.

good on you, and you got something out of it too!!!

and as you agreed for him to go, smacks a little of hypocracy (sp??) if you now decide you are cross!

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 03-Aug-08 22:12:21

they are not allowed to 'grind on someones lap' either LS the law states that table dancer need to be at leat three feet away and lap dancer at least a foot away and there is no contact of any form allowed. very few clubs have a license for fully naked dances in this country but there are some. i have never worked in them but as far as i know you are only allowed to remove your knicks in the last few secs and dancers are trained to do it in way so that the men see evry little. its not all this legs akimbo showing everything to all and sundry that people think it is.

ActingNormal Sun 03-Aug-08 22:18:08

SheSellsSS, DH says 2 dancers did grind in his lap, all 3 took their knickers off half way through and one had her ladybits an inch from his face! Sounds like they broke the lapdancing rules then! DH thought it seemed a respectable place.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sun 03-Aug-08 22:20:09

yes they did! a lot of places do break the rules, my club did but not to that extent, if any one tried to do anything like that they were bullied made to feel uncomfortable by us more respectable dancers wink

LuckySalem Sun 03-Aug-08 22:20:15

AN & Seashells - I thought it was only america that they are allowed to be completely naked and touch you. Where did he go?

I still wouldn't be mad though. He was honest wtih you. I'd be mad if he didn't tell you.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: