Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

How do I tell him I'm not using his name for DD?

(36 Posts)
HollowHead Sat 02-Aug-08 15:55:56

Firstly, apologies for the name change but I think my friend also uses the site and would recognise my usual name.

I am pregnant and our baby is due in October. When I first got pregnant DH joked around saying if it was a boy I could name him but if it was a girl it was down to him. I jokingly went along with this thinking there was no point making a massive deal out of it when it may turn out to be a boy.

Anyway we have been told we are expecting a girl.

DH has decided that she "just has to be called after his gran". The name he wants is "Stockard". His grandma was called this and his mum has it for a middle name and so he thinks it would be nice to bring the name back with our DD.

I HATE the name, no offense to anyone who knows a Stockard but I think it is hideous. It sounds like a warehouse company or something. I didn't say anything at first, I just smiled and later brought the subject up by saying stuff like "shall we look through some baby names?" etc. He'd always smile back and say "I've decided on Stockard..."

Last week I sat him down and said whilst I didn't want to seem disrespectful to his family, I really don't think Stockard suits a modern day baby girl and he ended up turning it around that I always get my own way and if it had been a boy I would have chosen a name whether he liked it or not etc but I never had any intentions of carrying out this daft idea of "you name a boy, I'll name a girl". Its bloody childish. But of course he thinks I'm only saying that because he got to name the baby.

I have NO intentions of calling the baby Stockard. It's horrible. What's the best way to approach this? tell him straight and risk a row or try and pursuade him with other names or what? its really starting to get me down because I don't want to be arguining over stuff like this.

2rebecca Sat 02-Aug-08 15:58:25

Just tell him. You both have to like a name. Come up with a list of names you both like and choose together from that.

CaptFabioHiltsCatInTheCooler Sat 02-Aug-08 15:58:53

Use it as a middle name.

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sat 02-Aug-08 15:59:31

could you use it as a middle name?

HollowHead Sat 02-Aug-08 15:59:44

I suggested using it as a middle name but he wouldn't have it sad

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore Sat 02-Aug-08 16:01:20

id just tell him straight then! me and dh went around in circles with dd2s name! all my names were 'made up' and all of his were frankly awfull! we let dd1 chose it in the end.

Alexa808 Sat 02-Aug-08 16:02:27

There has to be a compromise. Good lord, 'tis horrible. Tell him he's not 7 years old, you both have to like it and more importantly, you don't want the little girl to grow up hating her name and hating you for naming her as such.

Dig your heels in. You are a family. You both have the right to name her but there needs to be consent.

SmallShips Sat 02-Aug-08 16:16:57

Stockard seems a very male name to me, but TBH i have never heard of it! DH and i did it your way, i named my son, when i got pregnant with DD, we were still arguing whilst i was in labour, when she was born, i told him again i didn't like his name, but would happily have it as a middle name. After what i had been through he couldnt refuse.

EyeballsinHiding Sat 02-Aug-08 16:20:04

Grease is the word and all that!

Have it as a middle name and tell everyone it's after Stockard Channing. It's not a great first name.

BreeVanderCampLGJ Sat 02-Aug-08 16:25:25

Sorry but it is a crap name, tell him it is tantamount to child abuse to send a child out in to the world with a handle like that.

Alexa808 Sat 02-Aug-08 16:25:34

Had to google it. Hardy tree...uhm.

It does sound male, bit waspish, and not in a good way.

KerryMum Sat 02-Aug-08 16:26:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Sat 02-Aug-08 16:39:47

My DH suggested he names a boy and I name a girl. I told him there was no way he was choosing a name without my input but that he could come up with a list and I might choose one from it.
Explain nicely that you didn't think he really intended to choose a name against your wishes and you will not have a child with a name you don't like. As a middle name Stockard is bad enough but it's a fair compromise. If it causes a row so be it, this is bloody important.

KiwiKat Sat 02-Aug-08 16:45:16

Yep, you can't call your precious daughter a name you hate. Agree with the other posters - stick to your guns!

DeeRiguer Sat 02-Aug-08 16:47:13

i like it actually ..
but you dont, dont call it middle name call it her second name and she can choose..

its hard choosing names

ilovemydog Sat 02-Aug-08 16:58:15

Both my DD and DS's names were compromises.

We both had the power of veto!

But DP did relent as I wanted DS to have my dad's name, at least as a middle name.

CuckooClockWorkShy Sat 02-Aug-08 17:06:46

Stockard is a sur name, it's an ugly sound, it's masculine......

If he says "I've decided on Stockhard" say, yes, but we need a first name.

Claim that you only ever agreed to it as a middle name. Even his mother only had to have it as a mn.

You could also try the argument that the name is being passed down the female line, grandmother to mother, and therefore if he hasa sister, SHE is the one who must lumber call her child Stockhard.

CuckooClockWorkShy Sat 02-Aug-08 17:08:15

Ps just read that you've suggested it as a middlename. In that case, just say NO.

What was YOUR Grandma's name???

wheresthehamster Sat 02-Aug-08 17:13:22

But if you had no intentions of letting him name a girl why didn't you tell him before you found out the sex?

Why don't you say that if we have a boy next I'm calling him Lindsay or Hilary. He might back down then grin

edam Sat 02-Aug-08 17:16:28

Just say 'no'! You have to be there when the birth is registered so you have the right of veto in practice. PLUS the most important argument which is that you are the one carrying the baby and pushing her out of your vagina...

Honestly, either parent should have the right of veto over names they hate. You can't call a baby something the child's mother or father dislikes!

(Do you know what his mother thinks, btw? Might be very helpful if she says 'Good Lord, I've always hated it')

kormachameleon Sat 02-Aug-08 17:17:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemontart Sat 02-Aug-08 17:19:06

She will end up being teased mercilessly and called "Stockie" of worse (shuddering at the potential with "hard" in there)
Are you really sure he is not winding you up a little and stretching out your agreement to make you squirm?
A much fairer way would be for him to draw up a short list of, say, 6 names and together you choose a short list from his original one, maybe debating and changing the list together. Personally I think Stockhard would make an interesting middle name as it sounds a little "double barrelly" sounding and nice to have family links with names.
You have 3 months to work on him. Last resort, wait until you present him your new baby with tears in your eyes and plead to call her "XXX Stockhard" and in the emotion of the moment he might relent

seeker Sat 02-Aug-08 17:19:49

Was his gran REALLY called Stockard as a first name? Is he/are you sure? If she was, what was she called as a nickname? I would ring his mum at once and talk it over with her.

HumphreyPillow Sat 02-Aug-08 17:19:59

"I suggested using it as a middle name but he wouldn't have it."

Assert yourself.

It's your baby too.

You both need to like the name.

paolosgirl Sat 02-Aug-08 17:20:14

Ah, but at least you can be sure that she'll be the only child at school with that name - very important for some people! wink

Seriously, if you hate it (and what's not to hate, to be honest), I think you've really got to stand firm. You can't possibly be expected to have a child with a name you loathe.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: