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Relationships

friend still seething over photo album her difficult inl's compiled for her

65 replies

bigboydiditandranaway · 31/07/2008 12:19

My friend received a photo album last year as a birthday gift from her inl's. It was made at asda i think, the thing is, it has loads of photos of friends inl's even ones that are A4 size, really OTT, with them holding her dd.

My friend finds her inls overbearing, controlling and very difficult, her dh also agrees with this.

Now she has wanted to throw the album in the bin for some time now but hasn't, but she recently had a look for it and found it hidden away in her dh's wardrobe and has asked me what i think she should do, what do you think.

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missjennipenni · 31/07/2008 12:21

Cant she put it away and give it to DD one day?

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JonahTakalua · 31/07/2008 12:22

Sounds like her DH has been tactful; he knows the album upsets his wife, but didn't want to destroy pictures of his parents and child.

I think she should leave it in the wardrobe.

Lots of people have difficult relationships with their ILs.

I'd suggest she doesn't dwell on it, and is just polite to them when she sees them.

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ThatBigGermanPrison · 31/07/2008 12:22

She had better not throw it in the bin. How will she explain that to her daughter in 10 years time?

"Mum, Granny says you have a photo album with lots of pictures of her holding me as a baby. Can I see it?"

"Er..... I threw it in the bin."

"Why? That's my Granny. I love her. I wanted to see the pictures!"

Getting my point yet?

She should file it carefully and hand it over to her daughter when her daughter is old enough to look after it.

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Kewcumber · 31/07/2008 12:23

take at least half the photos of IL's out and put in ones she's like of her and her family and friends.

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Uriel · 31/07/2008 12:26

Not much of a birthday gift for your friend, was it?

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ThatBigGermanPrison · 31/07/2008 12:27

I don't agree withj taking photos out - leave it intact, and make another album with 'normal' photos of everyone in.

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bigboydiditandranaway · 31/07/2008 12:34

Kewcumber that sounds a good idea. The thing is the album my friend was given is one of those printed out ones and compiled as a book, if you know what i mean? I suppose she could cut out some of them, what do you think?

My friend is unhappy about it as it was given to her as a birthday present and is full of pictures of them.

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Hulababy · 31/07/2008 12:34

I think she should leave it where it is and think no more about it. Her child may really treasure it in the future, to have those photos of her with that side of her family.

Your friend could even things out and have an album done with her side of the family with DD too.

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Kewcumber · 31/07/2008 12:34

Out of interest why don;t you agree with taking some phots out - it was a birthday present for her - why shouldn;t she use it the way she wants to. I#'m not suggesting that she takes all the phots of them out. I don;t have in-laes so really not entitled to an opinion but don;t see why a present you don;t want needs to be preserved in some way. At least if you convert it into a normal album if DSD asks about it she can be shown, just keep rest of photos in an envelope at the back - you don't need the shred them!)

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Hulababy · 31/07/2008 12:35

Does sound like a rubbish present for her to recieve thoug, would hvae been better as a guft for the DH or the child.

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piratecat · 31/07/2008 12:35

my radar says

no offence like!

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Kewcumber · 31/07/2008 12:36

ah if its a preprinted album then I wouldn;t cut pages out. In that case I agree just stick in the back of the cupboard to be given to DD one day. I'm surpirsed she's that cross about it though - if she thinks they are so difficult she can't have been expecting some amazing suitable present can she?

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JonahTakalua · 31/07/2008 12:37

I think your friend is giving her ILs lots of power over her emotions.

They may very well have thought that she would appreciate the album, and given it in good faith.

Or they may have been having a dig, and using her birthday gift as a way of getting at her.

Either way, it is pointless for her to dwell on it.

Leave the album in the wardrobe.

Move on.

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MrsTittleMouse · 31/07/2008 12:38

There must be more to this - it's not that bad a thing to do on it's own, just a bit self-centred.
I agree with everyone who suggests that they don't do anything to the album, just keep it in case DD wants it when she's older.

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Mamazon · 31/07/2008 12:44

Why does it bother her so much? seriously, why can't she just put it in a draw somewhere and forget it exists.
im sure she has a great number of photo's she does look at and enjoy.

I really can't understand why such trivial things get people so worked up.

i mean why go and LOOK for something just to throw it away? if you can't find it where you left it thats a good thing surely.

I certainly dont think she should throw it away, nor should she tamper with it. the IL's compiled the photo album full of oictures they adore...admitedly they have not taken your friends tastes into account very well but none the less the pictures are obviously special to them. i think it is good that they care so much for their grandchild. you only need to read these boards to see that many aren't so lucky.

Its a photo album. she can put it away and never think of it. i may have a different feeling if it were a 4ft square cancas on her bedroom wall...but its an album FFS. tell her to get a grip and get over it

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Uriel · 31/07/2008 13:01

Perhaps your friend could buy herself something nice for her birthday instead as the inlaws have dubious taste.

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missjennipenni · 31/07/2008 13:23

A lot of in-laws give crap presents, your friend is far from unique lol

I once recieved some mens aftershave! But i just laughed & gave it away.

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OrmIrian · 31/07/2008 13:25

What an odd thing to get so upset about. Keep in on a bookself somewhere, out of sight if it bothers her.

Very odd.

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branflake81 · 31/07/2008 14:00

Bloody hell. Worse things happen at sea. I really don't see the problem. Ok, so it was a crap gift but at least some thought went into it. Why is she so upset?

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Shitehawk · 31/07/2008 14:06

Yes, it's full of photos of their friends.

It's also full of photos of her daughter, and presumably that's why they thought she would like it.

I think the controlling, overbearing thing is clouding her feelings about this - she's probably looking for the slight in everything that her ILs do and maybe sometimes there is no slight intended.

Throwing it away would be the wrong thing to do for all the reasons BigGermanPrison (nice namechange!) gives. It may have been an odd present but there have been odder ones! And it will be something her daughter will be able to share with her grandparents when she's older

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TheCrackFox · 31/07/2008 14:12

It does seem a bit over the top to get so het up about this. OK, it was a crap gift but why stew over it? Tell her to put it back in the wardrobe and forget about it.

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TwoBigNorks · 31/07/2008 14:17

I would love an album of me as a child with my grandparents, they are dead now and we dont have many, and those we have are 70's colour and faded. She needs to grow up a bit, the inlaws misjudged her and got a present that wasnt quite right, but its not evil or cruel its just some pictures of her child with them. They probably spent hours making it. Its not that big a deal.

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TwoBigNorks · 31/07/2008 14:18

If my MIL did this DH and I would think it was funny, then bung it iun a drawer.

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KnightCider · 31/07/2008 14:25

tell her to chuck it in the bin already!
unless of course she has a short supply of pics of pils with dd? assuming not, then chuck the blardy thing.
if there is a background of tension, they are overbearing and controlling then this wasnt given in the spirit of a gift.
it was a dig, it was a petty attempt at oneupmanship.
chuck it, stand up tall, forget the incident ever happened.

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ThatBigGermanPrison · 31/07/2008 17:34

pRESUMABLY her Dh hid it because he didn't want his wife to put pictures of his mother, his father and his daughter together in the bin.

And if it was a slight, and she does put it in the bin ..... the MIL has won, simple as.

The only way to win a war like this is to be thrilled to the boots with everything she does. Winnie the Pooh purse in racing green suade? Why that's lovely, thank you so much. Another painted kitten ornament, made in Taiwan? Gosh, that fits in fantastically with the decor in Dd's room, how thoughtful of you! Coasters in orange gingham? How colourful, they will be sure to cheer me up - I will keep them for very best!

These are all presents I have received. Receive the gracefully always. It's the way to win. If it's a crap presents because the giver is crap at buying presents, no harm is done. If it's a deliberately crap present - no harm is done

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