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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Stalker ex bf Chapter 3...........what happened last night!

30 replies

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 11:45

As some of you know I've been getting stalked by my ex bf. Nothing nasty really except hanging round my church and sent one text saying 'can we have one last ? to remember you by' Not like him at all but think he was trying to get a reaction.
Anyway, I've been staying at new guy's last 2 nights(second time round for us but he's great). Came back yesterday and after getting boys to bed I settled down to watch a bit of tv. At 11pm I heard a bang on the window as if something had been thrown. I didn't look out but went upstairs and peeked out of the bedroom curtain at the side. Over the road there's a big park with trees around the edge. He was lurking in the trees looking at the house. I rang police and whilst waiting for them he came and threw something again. The police arrived straight away and I shouted out of the window where he was but they didn't get him.
They're taking it seriously as he's out on bail for this...was warned 3 times.

It was really creepy, just hope he stops soon I'm glad the boys were asleep.

OP posts:

Report

Janos · 31/07/2008 12:38

So sorry to hear that youare still having problems with this loser JumpingDizzy, I remember your earlier threads.

Glad the police are taking it seriously.

What an absolute wanker he is. Hope you're OK.

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 12:42

thanks janos. I'm ok but it is worrying when he's stooping this low. I just hope the kids don't witness it.

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Janos · 31/07/2008 12:43

Of course it's worrying, especially when you have children.

Are you concerned he might escalate things or do you think is just extraordinarily thick and thinks he won't get caught?

wessexgirl · 31/07/2008 12:44

Hopefully the police will have been round to see him today and will put a stop to this.

How horrible for you; I really hope this is the end of it.

Janos · 31/07/2008 12:44

I mean he is extraoridnarily thick...hopefully that was obvious!

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 12:45

Yes he is thick but also obsessed. He's done it before but didn't get into trouble. He's still friendly with one ex but they have a kid together and she said she was too soft. He got her to ring me to see if I'd have him back

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RGPargy · 31/07/2008 12:54

Bloody hell JD!! How upsetting for you. So glad the police are takign it seriously. I know how you feel as i was also stalked by an ex a few years ago. I even had to call an ambulance for him as he rang me to tell me he'd taken an overdose!!

Hope you get rid of him soon enough. Do you think he's mentally unstable a little? I only ask because my ex had to be sectioned for about a month until he sorted himself out.

Janos · 31/07/2008 13:00

"He got her to ring me to see if I'd have him back"!

Bloody hell, why didn't she say on your bike, loser?

Really glad the police are taking this so seriously JumpingDizzy. What an absolute scumbag this man is. Did you say that his family won't have anything to do with him? Not surprised if he carries on like this.

Actually agree with RGPargy that there could be mental issues here.

Still an arsehole though.

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 13:03

RGP I think he also needs sectioning as he's unstable. He got his friend to text me to say he'd taken OD but next thing he was wanting me to meet up with him??? You wouldn't believe the texts I've had....holidays he's promised, even cash!
I hope he gets major help. The police agree he needs it. He said he's having counselling soon but he's told so many lies I don't know whether to believe him? Also my pity is waning.

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JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 13:04

i know janos she's crazy but I think she has an ulterior motive. She's in a new relationship and doesn't want him going round all the time with the crying and pity me tales.

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fransmom · 31/07/2008 13:04

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((jd)))))))))))))))))))))))

can't stop long sorry, will add more later xx

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 13:07

thanks fransmom.

I'm going on new bf's boat for the weekend tomorrow. Be lovely to sail up the river, moor and know HE can't get to me

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solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2008 14:28

YOu poor girl. Have you got an injunction/non-molestation order out against him? If not you need to get one (you have done all the right things in logging incidents and reporting to the police etc). You will have no trouble getting an order against him, and if he breaks it he will get some time in the cells, which will do him the world of good.

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 15:22

not yet solidgoldbrass but I'm going to. I may go down in the morning and get an appointment with a solicitor.

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fransmom · 31/07/2008 15:39

oh sweetheart i too had / am having problems with x who is also dd's dad, he too kept checking on me and i ended up going to the police and he ended up getting arrested and admitting everything. he destroyed any possible chance of a relationship with a new guy earlier this year and i reminded him last week about some things he had done, and he denied all knowledge. unfortuantely i have not kept a log since (fpr some stupid reason i keep hoping it will all blow over) so please keep logging all incidents and i wish you the best of luck xxx

fransmom · 31/07/2008 15:41

i feel like i hijacked now, i just wanted to really say that please don't stop logging incidents and do make that appt, have you alos thought about going to your local domestic abuse (domestic makes it sound somehow homely and insidious doesn't it?) agency? they might also be able to help with things like counselling ((((((((((((((jd))))))))))))))

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 16:12

thanks fransmom. You haven't hijacked at all

The police have my phone that he texts and he's admitted everything. don't know what's happening about last night yet? The police will have a log of each incident though surely as i always ring them?

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Tanee58 · 31/07/2008 17:19

Really glad the police are taking this seriously, JD. Hope he winds up in court. I was stalked too by an exbf about 20 years ago. He didn't want to make the relationship permanent and wanted to be a free agent to date other girls, then flipped when I ended it. Much of what you describe sounds like him - getting friends/exes to try to talk me into marrying him - threats of a romantic decline and possible suicide, insane letters (pre-text time) going on for pages and pages of rant, some of them quite racist (he was white, I wasn't) which he photocopied and sent to everyone we knew - it really upset his family to read them and then he told me it was MY fault that HE had upset his mother WTF, lying in wait at my parents' house as he didn't know where I'd moved to. It only stopped when my BIL who was a copper, punched him on my mother's doorstep and I sent a solicitor's letter threatening an injunction if he didn't stop. I still go cold when I see someone who resembles him, even though I have to remind myself that he'll be 50something now and probably bald and ugly - or dead.

Sorry, not hijacking, just wanted to say you're not alone and at least there are ways now of stopping it - sounds like you're doing all the right things. In those days, the police just didn't take stalking seriously. My BIL said the police would only act if he injured me!

Dior · 31/07/2008 17:23

Message withdrawn

solidgoldbrass · 31/07/2008 18:01

Yes, go and see a solicitor tomorrow. You need to bring in the heavy artillery against this prat as one police warning hasn't stopped him: he is potentially dangerous by the sound of it.

Because the average 'romantic fool' or thwarted ego will piss off as soon as anyone vaguely official has a stern word: the ones who don;t are the ones who are becoming divorced from reality and they can escalate really fast.

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 19:17

thanks for your messages everyone. solidgoldbrass you're right about the reality. That's what worries me. I'll try to get a solicitor's appointment tomorrow morning.

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Janos · 31/07/2008 19:46

Yes please do he does sound like he could be dangerous if a police warning hasn't seen him off.

It's an awful thing to say but perhaps it would be better if he did OD. At least then people wouldn't have to put up with him any more.

No doubt it's just an attention seeking ploy though as it often is with these cretinous wankers.

quinne · 31/07/2008 20:07

I know this is not where the thread is going, but I am really curious.. what did you see in him in the first place?

JumpingDizzy · 31/07/2008 21:47

quinne he was rebound to be honest But then I lost the house I was renting (landlord lost the house I should say) lots of stress happened and he kept staying at mine then was here all the time. I told him I didn't want it but he'd then make me pity him. I'm usually strong but because of all that was going on I weakened. But then I felt so trapped and noticed he was becoming obsessed so told him to leave. He wasn't going to leave so I had to threaten the Police and go outside of my house with my dog whilst he did so. I'm not proud of it but it happened.

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warthog · 31/07/2008 22:33

well done for getting the police involved. you're doing all the right things.

Flip

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