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Advice for my sis, bil making her worry about financial stuff is she leaves him, advice needed!!

(25 Posts)
fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 16:53:17

Hiya, I'll keep it brief.

My sis has been married for just over 10 years. She has tried and tried to stay with her dh but has decided to call it a day. However her dh is basically saying she wouldnt beable to afford to live on her own with their three children, she would have to sell the marital home and be left with not alot basically.

Please can anyone give me any advice for my sister.............

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 16:57:49


Shes shitting herself that she will have bugger all left after she divorces him, and I havent a clue cos I've been a single mum forever, never married etc so I cant help in any way, and I know there has got to be someone on here who has been in the same situation or knows someone who has.

pageturner Wed 30-Jul-08 16:59:20

She need to see a solicitor ASAP (many do a free first half hour though she may get better advice from a family law specialist - find one in your area through the Law Society). Start with CAB - today!

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 17:01:48

She just needs to know if she will be forced to sell the house and things, and what things she would have to pay for herself, and if she'd get any help from tax credits etc. Her dh earns quite alot of money, 55k, so dont know if she'd actually get any more help on top of what she would get off her dh......

beanieb Wed 30-Jul-08 17:05:43

I think in a divorce if the kids stay with her then she would be able to keep the house until they are 18 and he might have to contribute to the mortgage.

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 17:07:52

Well hes saying she would have to sell as he would need to buy a 3 bed house so he can have somewhere for the kids to stay over when he has them?

kitsmummy Wed 30-Jul-08 17:17:05

I think the standard is a 60/40 split of equity in teh woman's favour and the csa level of maintenance - that is certainly what my friend got. She was a SAHM, unfortunately if the woman works I believe they may not get quite so much as they're seen to be more financially secure than a divorced SAHM. That may not be 100% accurate and a bit generic but it's not far off I believe.

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 17:22:17

She doesnt work no.

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 17:36:00

just bumping cos its moving to the bottom fast!!!!

fedupofbeingfedup Wed 30-Jul-08 18:28:45

bumping again............grin

beanieb Wed 30-Jul-08 21:29:06

Bumpin again for you

nik76 Thu 31-Jul-08 07:10:16

She needs to speak to a solictor and fast as he could be moving money etc around she she's can't get to it ina divorce!!!!!

fedupofbeingfedup Thu 31-Jul-08 08:11:59

I think he will be quite reasonable when it comes to what she gets cos he will be thinkin of the kids and not ways to giver her as little as possible, but she just doesnt know how much she'll be left with. How much of the mortgage would she have to pay etc and how much would he have to pay??

She doesnt work so she would get full council tax benefit I'm guessing cos I did when I didnt work, when my youngest was a baby.

Shes never been a single mum so doesnt know what to expect and I cant help cos I've never been married so I've never been given anything out of a divorce etc so if theres anyone else out there that can help, please do.

Hes doing the 'you wont be able to survive on your own' routine so she'll think twice and stay with him.

BBBee Thu 31-Jul-08 08:14:04

could she stay in the family home? I think it is much better if she can.

fedupofbeingfedup Thu 31-Jul-08 08:20:29

Thats what she doesnt know. They bought the house together, he has always worked, she has brought the children up, so I'm guessing she would get to remain in the house. He has told her she would get 25% of his earnings per year but she doesnt know if she has to pay all the mortgage out of that or is that money for the children and then he also has to help out with the mortgage. I think he is being very vague with the info as a way of keeping her in the dark.

I said that by posting on here she would get some helpful advice as I've read lots of posts of ppl in the same situation so am hoping some advice will come along soon, from someone who has been through it.

HappyWoman Thu 31-Jul-08 08:52:13

get a good solicitor as soon as possile.
Things still have to go through courts anyway but they will be able to help her decide what is fair.
He will still need to be able to live but the childrens needs will come first.

Each case is different - my friend got to keep all the equity in the house - she is still having to sell it though as she does not want him to have any kind of charge on her home.

If he is moving money around it will not look good and he has to declare everything at the time of the divorce. If he is not letting her have enough now she can get a solicitor to put some kind of stop on him taking money from accounts (that is what i was told).

He is probably trying to scare her at the moment if he is angry about the seperation too so dont take too much notice - but get the proper legal advice so it wont be so scary.

fedupofbeingfedup Thu 31-Jul-08 12:35:36

and bumping yet again.........

I think the main question is that if she gets 25% of his income would he have to help her with the mortgage on top of that or would she have to pay the mortgage by herself..............

fedupofbeingfedup Thu 31-Jul-08 13:05:20

Wow, is anyone getting sick of me bumping this yet, cos I am!! grin

BBBee Thu 31-Jul-08 14:02:23


Tortington Thu 31-Jul-08 14:10:50

she needs to go to se a solicitor - simple as that.

fedupofbeingfedup Thu 31-Jul-08 14:59:27

She is seeing a solicitor on Monday but you know how it is, you worry till then about it all.

davidtennantsmistress Thu 31-Jul-08 15:22:56

don't forget tell her to get photocopys of all important docs - savings pensions shares any otehr assetts etc.

as I understand from here( only what others have said thou so double check with proper legal channels) she could either stop int he house until the youngest is 18 then they sell and split the equity - (in what ever way is deemed right) or they sell now and she takes her share then down sizes.

to my knowledge she'd get more than 25% - i'd hazzard a guess at def 50/50 if not more- prob more thou.

but make sure she gets copys of everything that's official - (does the H have any additional personal savings accounts she could possibly get access to for copying? - not sure if it would be required but all the info/too much is better than not enough)

davidtennantsmistress Thu 31-Jul-08 15:25:51

sorry you meant 25% of the annual wage - have a look on the csa web site for that one - but I think he's right you know 25% not sure if that would incl any bonuses she has - and I would assume she'd have to pay the mortgage out of that and any other money she has coming in.

(this would be there small mortgage, downsizing etc would come into it)

but the actual figures for everything tbh she'd be best setting out formally incl if he pays school fees etc etc that way she knows where she stands.

BBBee Fri 01-Aug-08 12:48:56


2rebecca Fri 01-Aug-08 20:41:14

Agree, see a solicitor, pointless bumping this and asking a group of strangers who live all over the place where different laws may apply. She won't be as well off, but why should she be there are 2 people to divide the money between, the exact division depends on her situation and which country she lives in, I'm in Scotland where it's usually a 50/50 split. A solicitor will give her a better idea.

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