Just going over a conversation I had with MIL this morning. Come to the conclusion she blames me for my children's behaviour.
<disclaimer - I am well aware I could be paranoid, but don't think so completely>
DS1 being a pain this morning. MIL tells me she is counting to ten. I tell her I was like him as a child as I wanted to see how far I could push the carer as I wasn't happy about where I was living. I wanted to be moved and thought if I was obnoxious I would be. What is his excuse? MIL answered she didn't know.
What response could she have given that you would have preferred. Think what she said would have been my response too as I would not have known what else to say. In what way do you think she was criticising you?
My MIL describes something naughty DD said and her facial expression and tone of voice then says "and she looked/sounded just like you"! She says it humorously but I think "are you trying to say you think I behave like a spoilt brat?" DH always says about bad traits "she/he gets that from you!". I think they are being lighthearted...
Your MIL may not think as badly of you as you think she does. I always think that mine thinks awful things but then DH will say that his Mum has said to him what a good mother I am and how good our children are! ....and I think, "whatever gave her that idea?"
Could you be overanalysing her (are you generally hypervigilant for signs of people's disapproval/rejection), or is it much worse with her than anyone else?
When DD was born, we got a card from her Great Uncle saying "I betr Nanny isn't best pleased at having a grand daughter!" Been downhill since. She even had a conversation with her mother saying to would have been better if I had had 2 boys first rather than B G B! [shoc]
Aha, so that is the root of it - you are anxious for your DD not to feel the way you did, so when MIL does anything that reminds you of your parents, it may be smaller things than what happened to you, which some people might think of as nothing much, but these things trigger your feelings from your past and this is why you feel so strongly about it. Do you think this could be right?