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This is my situation - what would you do?

(13 Posts)
emptyhearted Tue 29-Jul-08 20:11:03

My P came home at the weekend very drunk. When he fell asleep I went through his pockets and found two prostitute cards - the sort you find in telephone boxes. It is not the first time. When he woke up I confronted him and he said he was very drunk and could not remember anything.

I have dc with him, we are in horrendous debt and I do not really have any friends or family.

He is not very supportive of me and often is very verbally unkind to me, calling me names and telling me that I should "crawl back to the hole I crawled out of" when he met me.

He pays the rent on our home and a couple of bills, but otherwise keeps his money to himself. He is not good with money.

I am a SAHM and trying to get back to work but it is not easy as I have SN child and could only really work part time.

Sorry its long. Practical advice would be great please.

mankymummy Tue 29-Jul-08 20:13:13

Has it always been like this?

Does he have any good points?

Do you love him?

RubySlippers Tue 29-Jul-08 20:15:54

practical advice

get to a CAB and see where you stand on benefits and housing

contact shelter and aid

speak to your HV/GP for support which would be available for you and your children (surestart etc)

start squirelling away any money that you can

so sorry but you know you need to get out of this situation

NotQuiteCockney Tue 29-Jul-08 20:18:06

I don't know what to say re: longterm solutions. But I do hope you use condoms with him. I'd be very worried about STDs in your position, I'm afraid.

moondog Tue 29-Jul-08 20:19:23

Practical advice?
Boot him out.

emptyhearted Tue 29-Jul-08 20:19:59

He is a good dad, I know everyone says that when talking about horrible partners but he is.

I think deep down he means well but loses his head.

He is very selfish with money, thinks that if you are not earning ie being a sahm then you should not expect anything.

I don't know if I love him. We still have good times on occasion but so much has gone on that I don't think I would ever be able to forgive him.

He has come home with women's phone numbers in his pocket before now but not for a few years now.

I feel like I have put up with so much now that there would be no point in leaving.

expatinscotland Tue 29-Jul-08 20:20:37

she speaks sense.

emptyhearted Tue 29-Jul-08 20:21:48

We don't sleep together. I have not been able to since finding out that he had been unfaithful. He says that makes it a Catch 22 situation. After I found out he had been unfaithful he had to have an HIV test for life insurance so I said I was going to get checked out as well and he went mad and said I was attention seeking and trying to make his stuff about me.

RubySlippers Tue 29-Jul-08 20:22:13

he doesn't mean well

a well meaning man does not come home steaming drunk with the prositute's phone numbers in his pocket

a well meaning man doesn't berate his partner, begrudge her money whilst running up huge debts

you and your DCs deserve much, much more than this

lucyellensmum Tue 29-Jul-08 21:20:53

HOW is he a good Dad? Being a dad is about being a responsible ADULT. You AND your children deserve better.

beanieb Tue 29-Jul-08 21:28:04

The prostitute cards could have just been something he picked up and not used... but the rest of it is worrying. Is it just the fear of being on your own and having to find money which keeps you there? It will be tough but you need to get yourself out of there.

beanieb Tue 29-Jul-08 21:30:04

How old are the kids? If you can't just up and leave then you need to start planning for the better life and that may mean staing there and getting on with things while you find a way to support yourself ...

KiwiKat Tue 29-Jul-08 21:32:16

You may consider him a good father, but he is not showing your child/ren how to behave in a responsible way, and his lack of respect for you is not teaching them to value adult partnerships/relationships. You and they deserve more.

If you genuinely think the relationship can be fixed to your satisfaction, then give it all you've got, otherwise, I'd say get out.

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