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DH has been really slagging me off

(35 Posts)
Tamachi Tue 29-Jul-08 14:56:33

DH belongs to a car forum and I've never looked at it before (not interested in cars) but this morning I had a quick look on out of curisoity and he has been REALLY slagging me off.

There were loads of posts from him taking the piss out of me, saying stuff like he'd have more sex if he were a monk, if he had to be with me more than he already is he'd be up for murder and there was another one which he only wrote last night which was a huge rant going on about how much I irritated him. He detailed how I don't put CD's back in their cases, how dvd's end up in the wrong boxes because I'm so lazy, how everything gets lost because i'm so disorganised. What a grumpy cow I am, how I wear the same pyjamas an 8 year old girl would wear and one that really upset me was that he said I don't often wear make up and when I do I look like a drag queen.

I have not told him about what Ive seen but I have been 'off' with him since I read them, he has noticed there is something wrong but I can't bring myself to talk to him about it, I almost feel embarrassed.

What would you do if you were me? am I being too sensitive? I know we tend to slag blokes off on here but I just feel so sad and offended by it sad

OsmosisBanana Tue 29-Jul-08 14:58:19

That is off. I mean, we all make comments I'm sure that may be an exaggeration but to be quite so mean..

I would bring it up next time he asks. He'll prob be really embarrassed and apologise 'only a bit of fun' type thing but if you're upset you should tell him.

Tamachi Tue 29-Jul-08 15:00:27

Thing is he has not given any indication that he is so unhappy with me, we've been fine.

I know the DVD box thing annoys him but I didn't think it annoyed him to that extent.

I'm worried that as soon as I start to mention it I'll burst out crying sad and then go on his stupid forum tomorow to see a post saying "my stupid wife cries everytime I voice my opinions" etc

I'm wondering if he's been saying the same kind of stuff to blokes at work.

dittany Tue 29-Jul-08 15:00:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailpolish Tue 29-Jul-08 15:03:26

he probably didnt mean it and only said these things to get a laugh from the other blokes. but that doesnt make it ok. hopefully he knows its wrong and wont do it again.

try not to take it to heart.

i would get the forum page up on the computer screen and leave it there for him to find - - in a way that he would realise you ayhve read it (if you cant face bringing up the subject to his face)

NotQuiteCockney Tue 29-Jul-08 15:05:25

This sounds not dissimilar to a lot of women who come on here and slag off their DPs or DHs.

cyteen Tue 29-Jul-08 15:07:46

What is the culture of this car forum, do you know? It may be that it's very blokey and he is trying to fit in.

Not that that is in any way an excuse or a valid reason to make such hurtful comments, but they may have come from a desire to big himself up with a load of strangers rather than a genuine belief in what he's saying.

Either way, you do need to talk to him about it. I like nailpolish's idea of leaving the page up on screen if you can't face initiating the conversation directly.

dittany Tue 29-Jul-08 15:09:29

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nailpolish Tue 29-Jul-08 15:10:49

my dh posts on 2 forums
one about golf and all they talk about is golf
one about football and they talk about everything except football
its very blokey and jokey

the car forum is maybe like that. but its still no excuse

NotQuiteCockney Tue 29-Jul-08 15:29:46

Ah, I've read women on here complaining about their partners' weight, hygiene, clothing choices, sexual performance, etc etc.

LadyThompson Tue 29-Jul-08 15:41:21

You poor thing. I am sure he is hamming it all up for comic effect and scarcely means a word of it, but I do think you need to have a chat with him about it - I'm sure he'll be sorry you're upset - and tell him if he's got any issues with you, could he tell you gently and as tactfully as possible, and to your face.

Amani Tue 29-Jul-08 15:41:37

If you really are hurt by it, you need to print it off and find out if he really meant it all or was he joking...

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:44:48

What an arse! I'd leave the page on the screen with an added message from you on the forum saying what a twat your husband is!

FioFio Tue 29-Jul-08 15:46:24

Message withdrawn

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:48:11

I'm sure he was joking too, but at his wife's expense, which is really mean!

lilyloo Tue 29-Jul-08 15:49:03

I would agree with those who say it's likely to be more of a blokey site and making jokes at your expense isn't nice but i guess he thinks you will never find out.
I doubt he would be as cruel in front of people he knows in rl with regards to blokes at work.
Also agree with nqc many women come on here and do similair about their partners.
If it really upsets you though you should speak to him. It seems like he has posted an awful lot about you and not just the odd thing that grates him which most of us have probably grumbled about.

FioFio Tue 29-Jul-08 15:49:33

Message withdrawn

Songbird Tue 29-Jul-08 15:53:19

But seriously, you should start putting cds and dvds back in boxes, coz that is really annoying grin.

Or, you could buy a really sexy nightie, ask if he like it, but never wear it. Start wearing lots of makeup and going out lots (to your friends for a cuppa but he needn't know that!), just to get him reeeeally worried!

2point4kids Tue 29-Jul-08 15:55:29

It does sound like laddy joking taken a bit too far to me.
I bet he would be devastated that you saw it and are so upset, going by what you said about you being happy and he hasnt said anything to you about any of this stuff.

You've got to say something or leave the page open so he knows you've seen it. I expect he will be very sorry and will think more about what he says going forward.

LazyLinePainterJane Tue 29-Jul-08 16:16:56

I would say that annoying habits are fair game online, they are lighthearted things and nothing to worry about, everyone has these habits. I would allow the sex comments possibly, depending on the forums, a lot of people have sex issues that they discuss here, I am sure it is a running joke with a lot of men how little sex they have.

However, I think some of the stuff he has said has got a little too personal and gone too far. However, I think some people might not agree with me as I can be a little sensitive. I would be unhappy about the make-up comments, your pyjamas and the stuff about spending time with you, from the way you have phrased it, it seems as if he has said it in a nasty way (may not be the case)

I guess you need to see how he reacts, but think hard before you confront him. How much of him do you discuss on here?

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jul-08 16:32:56

sweetheart - are yuo upseet because you feel there may be a grain of truth in waht he has been saying?

i do agree with others that most men seem to laugh about lack of sex, annoying habits etc (mine are the same as yours re the dvds etc, it drives dh insane and i know it does and actually don't care grin)

the really personal stuff though is a different matter, have you 'let yourself go' a bit just lately?

perhaps don't 'confront' him as such, just tell him you have read the comments and find some very hurtful, after all, if he really hates your nightie why hasn't he been and bought you a lovely one for a present?

has he 'let him self go'?, my dh did for a short while and i hated it, why sould i try and make myself attractive for someone who does not pay me the same compliment? i told him how i felt and and he is always nicly groomed now iyswim.

this is a two way conversation, don't take all the comments too personally, ask how he would feel if you were saying similar things about him.

FluffyMummy123 Tue 29-Jul-08 16:38:35

Message withdrawn

jesuswhatnext Tue 29-Jul-08 16:44:22

why odd cod?

Jux Tue 29-Jul-08 16:55:58

I think it's lad-stuff and would ignore it. You can turn to him casually when you're next dolled up with make-up - how do I look? Like a drag-queen? Or shall I slap a bit more on?grin

I do think there are a lot of women on here who say equivalent things about their dh's, by the way.

FluffyMummy123 Tue 29-Jul-08 16:56:28

Message withdrawn

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